Ways To Commemorate Lost Loved Ones At Your Wedding 2

commemorate wedding

Here at Beyond, we realise that grief will affect each person differently. Often it can be comforting and insightful to read or hear someone’s own unique grief story; how they felt then, and how they feel now. The last time we had Kiri over to guest post on our blog, she told us what no one tells you about losing a parent, and the things she’s learned since losing her father. Two months later we welcome Kiri back to tell us about how she continues to remember her father, with examples from her upcoming wedding.

commemorate wedding

Anyone who has lost someone will probably agree that milestones are particularly difficult. These are the times when you would have had your loved ones there by your side, and facing these times without them is excruciatingly painful.

 

However, as time goes by you gradually become a little better at coping – the pain is always there and it’s just as strong as ever, you simply know how to manage it and channel it better. One technique I personally find useful is to use milestones as a chance to remember the good times and feel your lost loved one’s presence in a way that makes you feel happy and proud, not sad and upset.

 

I’ve been dreading that feeling of grief on my upcoming wedding day. For me, this is the hardest hurdle to overcome. Graduation was hard enough, but on a day when a father feels like such a pivotal part of proceedings, it’s rather difficult to push any feelings aside.

 

I’m bad enough at other people’s weddings let alone my own. Just last month I was a bridesmaid and when I saw the father of the bride cry when he first cast eyes upon her, something inside of me snapped. It was perhaps one of the toughest challenges so far, because I wanted to cry my eyes out and let all that emotion go, but I knew I had to be strong for my friend, so I cried inside and kept the tears from leaving my eyes.

 

I feel so torn thinking about my wedding. Torn because on one hand I feel like I’ve reached a point in my grief where I can cherish my father in the most beautiful way, but on the other hand, I think the fact that he won’t be there is going to hit me like a tidal wave.

 

He won’t see me in my wedding dress, walk me down the aisle, do a speech or dance with me, but he will be with me in other ways. Ways that are perhaps more meaningful than traditions or expectations, and ways that are far more salient.

 

I can’t promise that these ideas will work for you, but I’m hoping they will make my wedding day more special and make it feel as though he’s still an important part of the day.

 

A keyring for your bouquet

What do you carry with you for the majority of the day? Your bouquet. So why not have a little keyring tribute with a small photo or engraved keyring in memory of your lost loved one? As well as having it with you on the day this idea will be nice for photos that you can cherish. This was actually my mum’s idea, I’ve seen something similar before on Pinterest but as soon as she showed it to me I knew I had to have it.

Wear an item of their clothing

So my dad used to wear this grey leather jacket literally everywhere. It was his thing, and he looked darn cool in it, especially with his big moustache. This jacket reminds me of him so much, and we’ve still got it, it’s hanging up on display in my sister’s bedroom. I’ve asked my sister to walk me down the aisle in his place, and she’s going to wear his jacket with her bridesmaid dress.

 

It may be about ten sizes too big for her, but my sister, being quite alternative will most definitely pull it off. It will feel as though he’s there with us, keeping us strong as we walk down the aisle together. If you don’t have an item of clothing or want to wear one, another option is to bring a small object that reminds you of them and take it down the aisle with you

 

 

Include them on invitations

This won’t apply to everyone, only those who have lost a parent. It’s traditional to have on the invites your parents names and say ‘person A and person B request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter’. When I was thinking about what to do for this it didn’t seem right to just put my mum’s name. In life or in death my father is still my father, so I don’t see why he shouldn’t still get a mention. So I did a bit of research and apparently you can just write ‘person A and the late person B’. I felt so proud and pleased to be able to send my invites out with his name on.

 

Jewellery

Another idea is to wear a piece of jewellery. This can either be something that they used to wear, or you can get your own item made specially. For example, you could get a necklace with their star sign, or a bracelet with charms related to them. Personally, I’m wearing one of my dad’s rings. We took it to the jeweller who is going to engrave it with his name, make it a bit smaller and give it a silver coating.

 

Quote their words somewhere in a creative way

Did your loved one used to always come out with a particular saying or phrase? If so, you could have it on a sign somewhere in beautiful writing, or print out the quote and frame it. My father loved writing just as much as I do, and he’d often come out with really inspiring comments. After he died I found a box with letters he wrote to his parents, and also to my mum when he ended up in hospital for three months (he wrote her a letter every single day). I’m thinking of having this quote of his up somewhere at my wedding –

‘My problem is, I’m always too hopeful, and I can see so many good things and talk about them. Then when things don’t happen everyone says I am too much of a dreamer. Without dreams I would shrivel and crumple. I need to dream to make things happen, and I will. ‘

And just in case none of the above ideas suit you and your story, I’ve come up with a few more suggestions below:

  • Have a chair for them at the meal and put an object of theirs on the chair
  • Use them as inspiration for table names, such as places you’ve been together
  • Opt for their favourite flower
  • Play a few of their favourite songs
  • Raise a drink to them
  • Encourage guests to donate to a charity that they supported
  • Do a balloon release or firework display in their honour
  • Give guests seeds for your favours and request they plant them in their memory
  • Have someone light a candle for them as a part of your ceremony
  • Use sparklers to write their name and get your photographer to capture it on film
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2 Comments

  1. My daughter is getting married next year. As a teen she lost her father to a rare disease. But her fiance also lost his mother to a car accident. Im so glad to have some ideas for their wedding day, especially what do on the invitations. Thank you for sharing.

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13 of the Best Unique & Unusual Urns for Ashes 4

If you’ve recently lost someone who was a true original, you might be looking for something a little … different … to act as their final resting place. To help out, we’ve delved into the often beautiful and sometimes very strange world of unusual urns for ashes to find the very best around. Whether you’re looking for burial urns or decorative keepsakes, here are 13 wonderfully unique examples to inspire your search.

 

This Viking longboat urn is one of the most impressive unusual urns for ashes aroundA Viking funeral ship

Historial accuracy aside, the idea of the Viking funeral –  the warrior’s body pushed out to sea in a longboat and set ablaze with flaming arrows – has real dramatic appeal.

A full-sized Viking longboat is hard to come by these days, but you can still give your loved one a hero’s send-off with this more compact version. This fully combustible cremation urn from Scattering Ashes can be set adrift and then alight in water, though you might want to hold back on the flaming arrows for health and safety reasons.

 

An urn in disguise

Unusual urns for ashes made by Steve RhuleSculptor Steve Rhule was drawn to making cremation urns after realising that most of the ones he’d seen were … less than appealing. Now running the aptly named site Art2DieFor, he specialises in imaginative “urns that do not look like urns”, from enchanting miniature landscapes to maximalist and incredibly detailed shrine sculptures. Perfect for anyone seeking a truly singular urn that draws the eye.

 

An eco-friendly masterpiece

Unique urns by Annie Leigh.An apple, a teapot, a suitcase, a ukelele – whatever personal object you think best fits the person who died, artist Annie Leigh can recreate it as a completely biodegradable custom urn. Her pretty, brightly-painted and highly unique eco urns can be buried, placed in the sea, or kept in the house.

A hefty dose of ingenuity goes into each painstakingly crafted piece: for example, Annie’s boat-and-globe urns are cleverly designed so that, as the ashes sink beneath the water, the boat is released to bob in the waves.

A unusual urn made to look like the Starship Enterprise

A “crazy” bespoke urn

UK-based coffin and urn maker Crazy Coffins dates back to Victorian times, but got a new lease of life (and its current name) after becoming famous for beautifully made and slightly bonkers bespoke pieces made on request. So far, the team have made coffins and urns that look like canal boats, guitars, planes and even the Starship Enterprise. Despite their thoroughly different look, these impressive urns and coffins are fully functional and make a brilliant tribute to the personalities of their owners.

 

 

A bird to watch over you

Unusual urns by Kris Cravens.Looking at the use of lively patterns and texture in her work, it’s no surprise that potter Kris Cravens has a background in fashion. Her carefully handmade keepsake urns have a cheerful, uplifting feel that makes them stand out. The bright red birds perched on many of her pieces symbolise the belief that when you see a red bird, you’re being visited by loved one who has passed.

Kris’s urns tend to be smaller, making them perfect for pets or for families who would like to split the ashes of a loved one between a few different households. Each piece is also made by hand, so you can be sure that you’re getting a completely unique urn. Kris is based in the US, but you can contact her via her Etsy shop for international shipping rates.

 

These biodegradable unique urns for ashes are designed to look like whales.

A whale to explore the deeps

Handmade by local artisans in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, this charming whale urn is completely biodegradable and non-toxic, meaning you can keep it at home or use it to release a loved one’s ashes into the ocean. Like a real whale, it will float briefly before sinking into the deeps to rest.

Designed by artist Laura Bruzzese, the whale urn is part of a range that includes paper turtles, lotus flowers and dolphins – all pretty fitting ways to say goodbye to someone who loved the ocean.

 

 

Unique urns woodturned by Martin van der WiltAn urn with not-so-hidden beauty

These handsome woodturned urns are created by Amsterdam-based craftsman Martin van der Wilt, who makes them out of reclaimed wood found near his workshop.

Martin specialises in finding the “hidden beauty of the wood”: bringing out the unique twists, turns and scars in the grain that make each piece special. Gaps are often filled with bright stone to turn what might have been a flaw in another artist’s hands into a striking feature.

 

A creative creature urn

No list of unusual urns for ashes would be complete without potter Laina Watt’s work. Inspired by Ancient Egyptian canopic jars (the animal-headed ones that held the mummy’s organs), mythology, popular culture, and a certain degree of playfulness, Laina’s urns are designed to shine on a mantlepiece or “totally confound archeologists of the future” when buried. No two urns are alike, and with a range that includes a yeti, King Kong and E.T., you can be sure that your loved one will rest in style.

 

An urn for new life

Capsula Mundi make biodegradable urns in the shape of an egg – a symbol of new life that works well with the company’s ethos: on top of every urn buried, they also plant a tree chosen by the person who died.

Over time, relatives can come visit their loved one and see how the tree they planted has grown and flourished. You can find out more about Capsula Mundi in our interview here.

 

 

Wood salvaged and made special

Unusual urns for ashes by Phil IronsBased in Stratford-upon-Avon, veteran woodturner Phil Irons rescues his wood from the clutches of tree surgeons and firewood merchants and turns the would be kindling into works of art. Unusually for an urn-maker, he uses richly-coloured glazes to make the wood’s natural grain “pop”, bringing out its inherent beauty. Phil first tried woodturning at the tender age of 13, and his experience shows in the incredible smooth lines here. Very touchable.

 

A unique Himalayan salt urn from Urns UK

An urn as salty as the sea

Who knew there were so many uses for Himalayan salt? You can season your food with it, you can carve it into lamps, and you can even use it to make funeral urns. The pink colour and marble-like texture make this urn from Urns UK a beautiful keepsake; however, if you’re burying your loved one at sea, it also dissolves within four hours, making it an eco-friendly option.

 

A driftwood urn like no other

 

Pebble-shaped urns for ashesA peaceful pebble

Made by artist Davina Kemble, these serene birch plywood urns are hand-crafted to mimic the smooth shape of a pebble and the rings in a tree – reminding us of the passing of time and the span of someone’s life.

As well as having a brilliantly tactile, organic shape, they’re biodegradable. A keepsake version is also available, and you can keep some small items that remind you of your loved one – such as jewellery, ornaments or letters – alongside a small quantity of their ashes.

 

That’s it for this round-up of unusual urns! If you’ve found a unique and special urn of your own, tell us in the comment box below – we’d love to add it to our list.

6 Inspiring Eulogy Examples to Draw From 0

Eulogy examples: a microphone in front of a blurred background

Writing a eulogy is widely (and perhaps rightly) thought of as one of the most difficult tasks out there. Not only does it involve public speaking, but it asks you to communicate how you feel about a loved one at a time when your emotions can be overwhelming. If you’ve been asked to deliver a eulogy, you might be feeling understandably nervous about the whole thing.

Don’t worry. We’ve put together some eulogy examples to show that you don’t have to be Shakespeare to put together a powerful, moving speech.

6 of the best eulogy examples to watch for inspiration

Remember, eulogies don’t have to be that long to be great, and you certainly don’t have to stop yourself from crying. If you’re struggling for words or you’re not sure where to start, here are some long, short, and even funny eulogy examples to get you started.

“He got me ready to be a strong, upstanding man.”

No two people get on one hundred percent of the time. If you’re looking for eulogy examples for a father, this speech about a man who spent some years “butting heads” with his son is a heart warming place to start. By acknowledging that history of conflict in this short, witty eulogy, the son tells the story of how it ultimately strengthened their relationship and helped him be a better version of himself.

“I want my father’s memory to help you and others.”

Here’s one of our short eulogy examples for a father who always kept his promises. Not only has this man picked out a positive character trait and focused on that, but he’s also used it to spark action and conversation among the other people attending the funeral. His father’s memory will inspire guests to follow through for their own loved ones.

“We were the light of her life, and she let us know it ‘til the end.”

“I know it may sound greedy to want more days with a person who lived so long, but the fact that my mother was 92 does not diminish, it only magnifies the enormity of the room whose doors have quietly shut.”

Not all of us will be lucky enough to have someone who can eulogise us on national television, but this tribute from American comedy legend Stephen Colbert is a fine eulogy example: a mother who taught her children to sing, dance, and pray in German is commemorated briefly but beautifully in his speech, which you can read in full here.

“She was my first teacher.”

In one of our longer funeral eulogy examples, a mother who believed in making things work is touchingly remembered. This feels like a complete picture of the person who’s died: someone vivacious, entertaining, community-minded, and endlessly resourceful. If you have the time, you can take it to show as many aspects of your loved one as you can.

“She had some trouble with technology.”

Good funny eulogy examples show that you don’t have to tell a long, complicated story with a setup and a punchline to get your audience chuckling – sometimes, just a phone call is enough. In just under four minutes, we learn that the person who’s died was intelligent, sweet, and caring, but she’s also left some laughter behind.

“That’s the kind of man I want to be.”

“Show, don’t tell” is good advice for eulogies as well as fiction. In this often funny, always touching eulogy example, a grandson describes his grandfather through a series of anecdotes that perfectly describe a man deeply loved by, and devoted to, his family.

If you can learn anything from the funeral eulogy examples you’ve seen here, let it be this: eulogies can be sweet or sharp, funny or sad, or all of those things at once – but they’re at their most effective when they’re spoken from the heart. Start with honesty, and mould it from there.

And now for something completely different.

When asked to eulogise his friend and colleague Graham Chapman, John Cleese realised he had a vitally important duty to carry out: to be the first person to drop the F-bomb at a British memorial service. We’re not suggesting this as a template, but think of it as some light relief as you search for a eulogy sample that inspires you.

For more funeral arrangement inspiration, check out our Advice Centre here.


Have you delivered or heard a great eulogy? We’d love to hear from you. Tell us all about it in the comment box below.