10 Things Nobody Tells You About Losing a Parent 414

losing a parent

Grief will vary from person to person, though there are certain emotions and circumstances that many of us will experience. It can often be a source of comfort to hear from someone who has experienced the emotional rollercoaster of losing a loved one and has come out on the other side. With this in mind, we present this guest post from Kiri Nowak, who blogs over at The Content Wolf. Kiri shares her experience of bereavement after losing a parent, and some things she’s learned along the way.

It’s hard to even put how it feels to lose a parent into words, but the key thing to keep in mind is there is no normal way of reacting. I haven’t just felt one emotion since my father passed, my experience has been more like travelling the world. Each stage of your journey will be completely different, and as you wander through your grief, emotions will come and go.

It’s been nearly 11 years since my father died (I was 18 when it happened), so I think I can safely say I’ve been through it all; the shock, the sadness, the anger, the guilt, and, eventually, the acceptance. There’s no universal manual to help you deal with the loss of a parent, so when it does happen, a lot of feelings, occurrences and interactions with other people can take you by surprise.

bereavement

From my personal experience, I’ve put together some things which I experienced that you might not have thought about or expected to happen. As soon as you lose a parent it feels like your life has fallen apart and you are caught up in a whirlwind, but you do eventually get your feet back on the ground, I promise. The pain doesn’t go away, you just learn how to accept it, channel it and use it as a way of cherishing the person who was so cruelly taken from you.

Here are ten things nobody tells you about losing a parent.

  1. It doesn’t sink in for a while

Initially you might not feel anything. It may even seem like you are stuck in a dream, and everything that is going on isn’t really happening. I definitely went through the first month, if not the first year on autopilot, but eventually everything does catch up with you and you start to feel less numb.

It’s particularly hard when you lose a parent because initially you just can’t face the prospect of living your life without them, and the only way for some people to cope is to pretend like it’s not really happening.  Confronting and accepting that the pain is there is scary, but you need to do it to start the grieving process.

  1. You don’t have to be strong all the time

When my father died, I tried so hard to be strong for my mum and little sister, and show everybody how resilient and tough I was. But just remember you can only put on an act for so long. Pushing the pain below the surface so no one can see it is exhausting. It’s OK to lose your composure, to have an outburst of emotion in public or privately at home or to completely fall apart. We take a lot of strength from our parents, so when you lose one of them, it’s crushing.

  1. You will remember their best bits

One thing I’ve noticed is that you tend to idolise the parent you’ve lost. Why? Well, firstly, because they were your parent who you respected and loved, but also because you can’t bear to criticise them in any way when they aren’t around to defend themselves. It feels like the easiest way to remember them is in the best possible light. However, it’s important to keep in mind not everyone’s perfect, and it’s OK to have negative memories as well as positive ones.

  1. You will probably feel guilty in some way, but you need to let it go

I’ve gone through the day my father died a thousand times and thought about what I could have done differently. I wasn’t at home the last night he was alive, when he was in pain, for reasons I won’t go into. This kills me. But I can’t change it. I know if my dad was around he wouldn’t hold it against me.

I’ve also gone back and punished myself mentally for all the times that I wasn’t the perfect daughter, or when I was mean to my dad. My mum, sister and I used to gang up on him occasionally, because he was the only man in the house, but that’s nothing unusual and he took it in his stride. It’s not a reason for me to feel bad, because he knew exactly how much I loved him.

This isn’t helpful, and you are just being unnecessarily cruel to yourself. Instead of focusing on what you didn’t do or times where you messed up, remember the times you made your parent proud or happy.

  1. How lost you will feel

Your parents cared for you from the moment you entered this world, they nurtured you and showed you the way. So when you find yourself without one of your parents, you immediately feel lost. I think the hardest times for me have been when I’ve really needed to talk to my dad for advice.

When life has been tough, and I’ve needed his strength and his guidance, I’ve felt so lost and alone. But slowly I’ve learned to live with my father’s spirit inside me, and if I’m completely honest, I usually know what he would say or want me to do even though he’s not here to say it.

  1. Childhood memories fade faster than expected

My sister seems to have a much better memory than me, but one thing we both agree on is how hard it is to recall memories. It feels like he’s slipping out my fingers, and as the years pass, the memories fade a little more. However, the important, wonderful, powerful memories never leave you, they stay with you forever.

Like the time when he cried when we made him a photo memory book for Christmas, when his voice boomed at me when he cheered me on at races, and when we sang Bruce Springsteen Glory Days until our lungs gave out on car journeys to Spain. Don’t worry, even if you forget things over time, the best memories will never leave you.losing a parent

  1. After a year or so, other people won’t really care

People forget you are grieving. They offer their condolences in the first few weeks, sure, but not too long after that, they just get on with their lives, and it hurts. But don’t take it to heart too much, it’s just the way people are. It doesn’t take away from what you are experiencing at all.

Just remember there are others going through the same as you, and they will be much more likely to understand. They will be the only people who truly, wholeheartedly get what you are going through.

For other people life goes on, which is cruel and thoughtless and it will no doubt make you angry. But it shouldn’t, because they just don’t understand. They haven’t been through such a devastating loss. 11 years after my father’s death I still suffer, but my close friends don’t really see it. They can’t relate to the fact that on some days, the pain I feel is still as raw as the day it happened.

  1. How painful important milestones are

When you lose a parent, it’s the big milestones that really test you. The big birthdays, the achievements, the weddings and the thought of potentially having your own kids who will never know their grandad. However, there are ways to include your late parent in these milestones, and as time goes on, you see them as a chance to remember and celebrate their part in your life rather than simply suffering through these events all the time. For example, I’m getting married in eight months, and I’ve found some wonderfully touching and creative ways to make my father a part of the wedding, and these little things will no doubt help me get through the day and remember him with pride.

  1. How hard it is when you are unexpectedly reminded of your loss

Sometimes, you will be doing OK and managing your grief, when something catches you off guard. And then suddenly a surge of powerful emotion hits you like a tidal wave. For me I think the most challenging times have been when something has reminded me of my dad. When I watch a film and someone’s dad dies, or when a song comes on the radio that reminds me of him, or most recently, when I was at a wedding and the bride unexpectedly called for a father daughter dance. Ouch. That hurts, especially as my wedding is coming up. But these moments, even though they are hard, sometimes they are the perfect way to let go of some of that emotion you’ve tried so hard to keep from bursting, and after you’ve had a little cry, you feel a little bit better.

  1. How you eventually come to view your grief with love and appreciation

I’m not going to lie, like I mentioned, at times, the pain is just as raw as it’s ever been. But generally, I’ve entered a new stage of my grief. When I’m reminded of my dad, I use it as an opportunity to cherish his memory, and to dedicate a minute or two of my day to him, and someday, even if it doesn’t feel like it, you will be able to do the same. Now I live every day and my father is there no matter what I’m doing, and I’m grateful he touched my life in such a powerful and beautiful way.

If you’re struggling with a loss, head over to our help centre to see our resources on grief, loss and bereavement, or take a look at our article on coping with grief at Christmas.

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414 Comments

  1. Thank you for such an honest and touching account of losing your dad. I’m 25, and lost my dad 4 months ago now. This post is so relatable and made me feel less alone, thank you.

      1. I’m 21 and lost my dad 8 months ago. I definitely have good and bad days but it never really gets easier or the pain never goes away. The day just kinda relives in your head and doesn’t leave. I regret so many things and I guess that’s the worst of it… This really did help me though. I’m sorry for your loss ❤️

        1. I’m
          30 and I lost my dad 7 months ago through horrific circumstances. You’re right you do mask the pain through the first period but then it comes and hits you head on. It helped me reading what you have written as it gave me hope

          1. I lost my dad 4weeks ago tomorrow. I have been in the denial stage for sure and am just starting to feel the pain. It’s scary. Your post really helped. Thank you

          2. I’m 14 and I lost my dad 2 years ago. And this article made me sad but it helped a lot. Thank you and sorry for your loss❤️

          3. Grief sucks, use it for the best!!

            Many hugs!!

            It just hits you like nothing else, hang on, enjoy your life!!

          4. I just lost my father to cancer 9 days ago and the only two things I’m dealing with that are rough are; 1) I’m in a zombie state and I’ve cried a lot over the last 9 days and I’m now not being able to sleep at night, I get maybe 4 hours per night, and I just want the pain to go away which I do know that it will take time and patience. 2) I feel so lost on what to say or do as I am almost 37 years old and my little brother is 15 and my baby sister is only 12, we have different mothers but the same father and I’m just lost and empty inside but I’m not sure what to say or do in front of them because as a young boy to young parents I was always told you can cry bc it’s normal but have to be strong for your younger siblings. So how can I be there for them and still grieve our loss?!?!? I know a lot of this will take time and just being there for them is enough for them and we all know this in our family, but how do I face my stepmom when I look EXACTLY like our father and the love of her life that she just lost to cancer?! I am angry at cancer but no one or anything else. If anyone has any words of wisdom I’d love to hear them.

          5. Hi Joey, I’m 62 years old. I lost my father 37 years ago, due to a horribly horrific accident. He lived in an agonizing misery for 20 days following the accident. It was very painful watching him suffer through it all; and I was most grateful his pain, agony and suffering ended as he took his last breath. My father was 63 years old when he passed away. My brother was a spitting-image of our father. Please believe me when I say, as a younger sibling, that helped me for 34 years. My brother didn’t replace my father, but it gave me a sheltering comfort that I didn’t realize was there, until 3 years ago, when that sheltering comfort disappeared. I lost my brother 3 years ago yesterday. He was 63 when he passed away. Please allow your younger siblings to see your feelings and emotions over the loss of y’all’s father. It will help them more than you know; they can explain it to you a few, or more, years from now. You can show your feelings and emotions and still remain strong for them. Not showing feelings and emotions can make you more miserable inside and less effective outside (of the body). Our emotions and feeling affect our health, and keeping them bottled up can actually do more harm than you can imagine. There have been a lot of scientific studies and analysis done on human emotions and the affect they have and/or cause on our health. I pray that God will envelope you and your family as you weather the storm of your father’s demise together. Hopefully the fact that you look exactly like your father will be a great comfort to your younger siblings, as my brother was for me; and hopefully even a little comforting for your step-mom, too. I know my father lives on in me, because I am his daughter. Same thing as with my brother. Just the fact that my brother was the spitting-image of our father, gave me an extra comforting feeling; which was really nice to have. 🙂 May God bless you and guide your life as you go forward from today.

          6. Im 45 and its been a year and half since my father passed away. We were so excited he had been declared cancer free but four days later sepsis took him from us. Its been a hard last year and a half. I got promoted then had to quit my job when it was clear i wasnt going to make it. I wish he had survived because i really needed his help. Since he passed my family drifted further and further apart. I just feel so lost right now. The first holiday season last year i was number. Now im really feeling it.

          7. i lost my dad this April 20th he passed away by him self the people at that rebuildtion home didn’t help him to call 911 for my dad he was 76 and choking.

          8. I lost my dad 6 mths ago and it seem like yesterday. The pain is there and I have many emotions this really helped. I have plenty of bad days.

          9. Simply thank you. Exactly what I needed right now. I’m going through it and needed a little reminder that how I’m feeling right now is normal and going in the right direction. Much love!

          10. I’m 53 and my dad’s 90.. He’s extremely ill (pneumonia) and I’m about to lose him tonight or tomorrow. Unfortunately he’s currently asleep all the time and struggling to breathe so all our talking is over. I’m still speaking to him and telling him how blessed I was to have such great parents and thanked him and mum for all they did for me. Even at my age, with grown up kids of my own, it’s not easy. I’m going to miss him terribly and miss caring for him as well along with our chats about my childhood…

          11. Thank you for sharing your story. It helped me to know I’m not alone. I’m so sorry that you have experienced this pain, I wouldn’t wish this hurt on anyone.

          12. Thanks for your wonderful comments. I lost my dad yesterday and am trying to help my mom get through all of this pain while trying to keep my dads wonderful memory alive. This is really hard, my heart goes out to all of us.

          13. I have been lost since 2001 drinking working and everything I can think of to try not to remember that day but nothing works I’ve had to live every day seeing them try to revive him

          14. i ve lost my dad for a year now and i feel like it s just happend … it’s not easy but bee sure that he will stay always in your heart and memory you will remember him every single day like he is always with u … even if sometimes wee need hugs but whst can wee do it s life

          15. I lost my dad when I was 15, I am 30 years old now and I just can’t seem to function properly. I find it so difficult to talk to people and my friends just don’t understand. I have never been in a relationship and I feel so dysfunctional. I just want my dad back.

          16. I lost my mom when I was 29 and now my dad passed away three years later- just 6 weeks ago. Grief is tiring and hard. But it’s true that you will find genuine joy again. At first, you feel like you’re faking it….Going through the motions of being normal. But that evolves and memories become happy and pleasant again. I wish the best best to everyone reading this. You aren’t alone.

        2. I lost my daddy unexpectedly 8 months ago at 24. I live with so much regret, he was my favorite person and the strongest man I’ll ever know. Thank you for sharing, it helps knowing I’m not alone. It’s hard for people to understand what I’m going through.

          1. I lost My Farther yesterday and I nothing prepared me for this. I am 36 and never will I rest the same again. Sense there is No one that loves you more then your Farther will.

          2. I lost my father a little over a year ago. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. It’s affected me in every aspect of my life. He was my father, hero, and idol all wrapped in one…I’m still as devastated as I was when it first happened. I want to be able to smile again. I want to be able to love again. I understand there is nothing physically stopping me from doing that but I find it hard to do anything anymore. I’ve shut myself off. I wish I had one more day with him. The things I would say….I see him in my dreams. I hear him in my mind. I love and miss him so much. I need him. I’m so lost right now. I’m a grown man that can’t function….I wish you people knew him. You’d understand why I’m so hurt. He wasn’t the average Joe. He was something out of Greek mythology. Superhuman. Kind. Caring. Selfless. Gosh I miss my dad….

          3. I lost my dad 4th October 2019 so just 4 months ago I was so close to my dad he called me his nurse as I cared for him. I’m still broken. I miss him so much it hurts. Some days i dont see a way forward. But I know what he would say to me. Think of the kids!!
            I watched him take his last breath that friday morning. Everyone says he was waiting for me to tell him to go. I holded his hand. I just want to see him and talk to him I miss him terribly 😪

          4. I lost my father and trying hard to keep myself controlled. There is a long way I have to travel. I am very afraid for the tomorrow. Hopefully life will teach me well.

          5. I lost my dad at 9 to brain cancer. I am know 13 and to day is the day he died. I moved on never really think about not having him until this day. I cried 1. He had 2 funerals. I blamed my self at 12. Here is why. One day I was really tried. We finished that episode of the show we where watching. Me and my mom went to bed. My dad almost cancer free had a stroke. Me and my mom heard something. I told her it was probably nothing that dad just drop something. 20 minutes later my mom went in there to check on him. He was in the floor. Side note my dad was in the army. He was in the middle east in the late 2000’s. We got something from the VA a couple of days ago, the cancer might have been war related. My mom didn’t go through because my dad said that people came back without arms or with PTSD. I know he is in a better place with god . But All I can think about know is waking up at 4 am to my mom crying and daddy gone.

        3. Sorry, so sorry!
          I’m 48 and my Dad was 80 when he passed.

          He was magnificent, my ultimate friend.

          We talked about everything, the Universe, our family, health…

          He was always there, my God, I miss him a lot.

          1. It’s been 6 months since I lost my dad. I’m 28, he was 73, what I learnt is that it really is something that you can’t prepare for.

            The “I’m sorry for your loss” becomes meaningless. I did feel extremely guilty, he was loved and I miss him everyday. Great man and great dad.

            Comforting to know others are experiencing this.

          2. I’m so sorry for your loss. My Dad passed away 2years ago and I can’t get over that I wasn’t there when he passed away. I no he new how much I loved him but I needed to say so many things and I didn’t.He was a very private proud man, not much of a talker. I miss him so much. X

          3. I lost my dad over a month ago. The pain in my stomach is so bad. I have never felt anything like this before. My dad was a remarkable man. He was the most generous and kind men I knew. I miss him so bad. Not sure how to go on. He passed away from cancer and it happen so fast, I thought we had more time. I don’t think it matters what age you are when you lose a parent that you are so close to.

          4. I am a woman I was 14 when I lost my mum il never forget that morning when my dad told me and my 3 brothers that our mum had died. Years later I had 4 son’s and I now have 5 grandaughters, yes it is hard, I would say take it a day at a time. But now I don’t feel sad sure I miss my mum every day but I remember the happy funny times with her . Only recently I had a moment when I thought I can’t remember how her voice sounded but the next day I carried on as normal. Please I hope that you don’t feel sad for too long and find some enjoyment in life.please take care and look after yourselves.

          5. I miss my mum. She was always there.
            She died over 2 years ago. She gave me a feeling of safety and wellbeing that’s no longer with me.
            We argued alot, but I was never bored and really enjoyed her company.
            My Dad”s house is devoid of her vitality and personality now. Very painful.
            I see the world in a more mortal intimidating way. Before I hadn’t a care in the world.
            Sorry for your loss.
            Take good care of yourself.

          6. I lost my mum when I was just 9 years old which was 21 years ago. It is still painful when I think about her. I have missed her all these years growing up and will miss her forever.

        4. thank you so much lost my dad a week ago. I had just turned 12 4 days before he died . he had died in a motercycle crash and I can’t stop crying

          1. So so sorry for your loss, be strong but have a good cry, remember the good times, I lost my dad about a month ago all the best

          2. I am 56 years old and lost my dad 2 days ago. Feel like my heart has been broken in two. Cant stop crying and at this time I dont want to go on living. I just want my dadx

          1. I just lost my healthy and no major illness Dad last week. He had a heart pain that night, and just within an hour and half from 911, home to the hospital, he passed away. After about 6 hours in ER, I was crying leaving the hospital. Everyday past week, I speak to him, telling him to go to his new happy world, with no worries of us for I will take care of everything, his unfinished business for him and the family. The last few days, I feel he has left. I’m not sure which stage I’m going thru now, but from time to time I still feel clueless of where he has gone, even though deep inside me I knew he has left for a better place. Today I also went thru the scenario of what if they were able to revive him, how much more pain and suffer he would have to go thru then. Not sure if it helps since my tears still come and go, but my pain has lessened a bit, knowing he didn’t and would never suffer much. I miss him so much knowing I will never see him here anymore. I really really love him… the tears…

        5. Been almost 2 years since i lost my Papa. I’m 21.Mostly I’m managing myself fine. And it seems like I’m over it but there are moments that catch me off-guard.
          I myself can’t tell myself when certain situation would bring tears to my eyes.
          Sometimes i keep wondering about milestones without him here with me. It’s kind of depressing i think.

          1. I ‘m turning 21 in few months . I lost my dad 4 months ago. I too feel depressed thinking about the milestones without him…..:’) I’m so lost

          1. My father passed away earlier today, 8 January 2020. Oh god it was the worst thing I’ve ever been through emotionally. I had a doctor’s appt today at 4pm and my dad woke me up and made sure I was awake at 2pm. I brushed my teeth and everything seemed normal, and dad had to go to the bathroom. Then we hear a crash, and after that terrible breathing sounds that I cant describe without crying. 911 was called right away but my mother and I could not get the bathroom door open. It wasn’t locked, he had collapsed against it, the EMTs had to take the door off the hinges and I got the terrible news sitting in my bedroom as I couldn’t bear to watch what was happening pretty much. Then the dreaded news. I very much relate to this article, I feel lost, dazed, we are still eating chili that he cooked last night.. I Love You Dad Eddie Ferrell 7 July 1959-8 January 2020

          1. I hope you are okay. Hope you are feeling alright. Everyday is hard. Your dad misses you equally.

          2. You articulate the journey so well. My dad died 7 years ago. I haven’t found a way through the grief itself. My life hasn’t turned out the way I planned, and he was ultimately my safety blanket. I miss him more than I thought possible but I know he would want me to live the best life I can. That and my Mum are the only reasons I’m still here. We must keep going for them xxx

          3. I lost my darling father 12 years ago. I’m 56 now and he would have been 96 now. I miss him every day, we just got on so well. I’ve managed to stop myself going over the last few weeks of his life in hospital, although I do suffer still with anniversary grief, remembering the hope we had when we thought he’d recover (he had fallen at home, recovered in hospital, but fell again badly whilst there – they were pushing him to walk before he was ready) and the helplessness when it all started to spiral downhill. Some time after he died, I tried taking a sandwich to eat on a bench near his grave, just to feel like I was with him, but it didn’t really help. I put flowers regularly on his grave.

            I have two teenage children, who were only 5&6 when their grandad died. I keep a lovely smiling photo of him at the bottom of the staircase, so that we see him every morning. My children sadly don’t remember him well, but I try to keep his memory alive by talking about him ocasionally, but trying not to overdo it.

            I think about him several times a day and as you wrote in your article above, it’s his spirit which is with me. I always think about his calm nature and how he would handle situations, especially bringing up my children – he was just a natural as a dad.

            I wish we could all have had him longer, but I am so incredibly lucky to have had such a wonderful father – something which many people sadly aren’t fortunate enough to have. We both had families mich later than we wanted – life just sometimes works out that way.

        6. I lost my father 10months ago and it still feels like yesterday when we were with him living our lives. I miss him everyday. I just pray that his soul rests in peace.

        7. Im 17, ive had a rough childhood. My mother passed away summer ’19. My biological father fall ’19. Although i have my siblings and my grandparents. I feel like I have nothing. Happiness is no more but a high for me. The pain and sorrow sheds a dark cloud over me. I dont want to be miserable all my life. I Do make things better by caring for myself. Sometimes i feel more dead than alive. I wonder if i died as well if it would really matter. My mothers death happened right in the middle of my seperation of my family. This brought family closer, yet farther from each other. My mother died form addiction. Out fresh from rehab, only to relapse to an alcohol binge. And she ended in the hospital and she took a pill off of the streets of Las Vegas and passsed away in cardiac arrest on july 8th, 2019 8 pm. It was 1:30 am, july 9th i got the call from my grandfather. I recognized the studder, and the way he murmured to break to me My mothers Dead. All i hear is crying and mourning in the backround. I was speechless and motionless for a couple minutes. Nothing but whimpers, and tears coming me as i try to hold in screams with all my mental strenghth. I try to remember how i felt earlier the night. Becuase i feel like i may of felt her spirit pass, becuase how i felt during 8 pm when she left this world. The funeral and us putting her to rest was like a dream. The way my family wept to one of mothers favorite songs. Hearing my older brother cry passionately with pain, and grieve warmed my heart. I never thought I’d be a pallbearer for my mother. I didnt even know what a pallbearer was. I Picked my mothers casket. And laid her to rest. I cant explain how i feel about that. Nowadays im still 17 turning 18 soon. Ive been so depressed , and aggressive. I cant run away from how i feel, or just the fact that i have no parent. I live with my Girlfriend and im fortunate that she was willing to let me in. Im such a mess i feel like. Emotionally. But i work and take care of myself. I feel like i have Mood Swing Misery. As far as my beliefs. I belive in burial and going back into earth (Decompose) and i belive we have our spirit. So my mom is my angel, and one day hopefully my guide. My family is holding up, i want to be able to help my family one day

          1. Anthony you have a very strong spirit. Never lose the light that’s inside of you, gifted brighter by your mother. Even though we don’t know one another my heart sends you love. I know there’s a beautiful future ahead of you.

        8. I lost my dad less then a week ago to me it still seems unreal and I hope it’s all a bad dream your article gives me hope though that eventually I will come to terms with this an be able to remember the good times not just the day he left this earth

          1. I have that same feeling. My Dad passed on January 24th. He wasn’t exactly healthy but he was only 76 and I thought healthy enough for his age. He had a heart attack on January 16th and was sedated for a few days. They thought he would need dialysis cause he wasn’t going to the bathroom. He woke up, they removed the tubes. He was in the hospital for 5 days. His urine was good they took the catheter out on Thursday the 23rd. His diabetic wound on his leg had healed. His feet were looking good. Everything was great. When he came home from the hospital, I was very busy so I didn’t spend much time with him, except to clean the spare bedroom so he could sleep in there. The night before he passed away, he sent my mom to bingo, he made himself a spam sandwich (he liked that or balogna) I went to see him he asked me for his water out of the fridge. He seemed a little off and I asked him if he was ok and he said yeah, I’m ok. He got up from the table and was walking to the living room, he turned around and said he forgot his cane. I handed it to him and watched him walk away and then I went to my side of the house. The next morning I was getting ready for work and I heard banging, I asked my daughter, what was that, she says I don’t know and we both continued to get ready for work then there was the banging again. I sent her down to see what it was she yelled up grandpa can’t breathe. I yelled call 911. When I went down stairs he was sitting in his chair and my mom was standing next to him. My daughter had the garage door opened ready for the EMT’s to get here. I was panicking checking the door and stuff and my dad said clear as a bell, Sharon open the shades. So I did and then I stood on the other side of him and rubbed his shoulder while my mom rubbed the other one. None of us asked how he was, no one said I love you! That is what hurts me the most! When the ambulance came they brought a chair in and the guy couldn’t put the blanket on it, they also could not believe he didn’t go to rehab, but I found out that my dad wanted to go home and that’s why they sent him home. When he go up from his chair to get into the EMT chair I heard the fluid go into his lungs. The wheeled him out the door and then had a hard time putting him into the gurney. There was one guy at his head one at his feet and one on the other side of the gurney. One said I’m loosing him so I said I got him and pushed his butt onto the gurney as they wheeled him away one of them said breath Roland. But I saw that his face was blue. I went into the house to get my car keys and when I looked into the back of the ambulance I saw that he was breathing and thought oh thank God. Then the guys says to me not to follow the ambulance to close. My dad has no pulse but they are going to do a few more things and then head to the hospital. The hospital is 15-20 minutes away. We got there I gave information. They came and asked me his birthday. Then they came and got me and told me he had no pulse for 20 minutes that the machine on his chest was breathing for him. I said oh he wouldn’t want that. Take it off when you think it’s enough, they turned it off immediately. I relive that every day. I miss my dad so much and I feel like I didn’t do enough, even though I know that he was ready to go. I don’t even know what to do with myself. But we, my mom and sisters and the rest of my family are trying to live as normal as we can. I feel all of our pain.

        9. I am 34 years old. I lost my father 3 months ago. I still cant believe he is gone. I remember him, and sometimes everything becomes slow motion.

          1. I feel so bad for you. I am sooo sorry you lost your father. Please take care. I lost my dad 7 months ago. It is extremly painfull, still. Eventually you see the painful waves coming that cause tears. And you can control the pain a little better. Best to you, Ian.

          2. I lost my dad at the age of 22, I am now 25 and about to graduate with a masters degree in engineering. It is a shame he is not here to witness my graduation because I know he would be bragging about my achievement to all of his friends lol.

            The first year I went completely off the rails. I spent a lot of time drinking, taking cocaine and smoking ridiculous amount of weed.

            I got to the point where i use to get satisfaction out of self harming due to being depressed through the amount of drugs I was taking trying to mask my feelings and pain towards the situation.

            I decided to eventually reach out for help when I couldn’t take the pain anymore.

            It has taken me almost 2 years to build myself back up again and now I feel pretty good because I came to the conclusion that all my dad would have wanted is for me to carry on with my life and do what I have to do in order to live a happy and successful life.

            One thing I do get upset about is that he is not here to watch our beloved Manchester City during one of their most successful periods but atleast he did get to see us win the Premier league twice during his life time.

            I will always miss my dad like everyone else that has been through this traumatic experience but it does become a lot easier and if I could give any advice from the mistakes I made initially it would be to reach out somebody you can trust to discuss your feelings because trying to mask them and avoid talking about them only leads to depression.

            Good luck to everybody that is experiencing this awful time. Time really is a healer just be patient with yourself and you will come out on the otherside.

        10. Watch a movie called: Meet Joe Black… Pay attention to what the father says to his daughter when saying goodbye.

        11. This was helpful. I lost my dad just two days ago to a brain tumor and I feel so numb. In ways he’s been battling this for two years and in the last six months post second operation he wasn’t doing well. Friends and family have been so supportive it helps but I think in ways is that we all will have to go through it and even if you’re young going through it now just think how you will be stronger for your friends once they go through it.

        12. My parents died August 2019, April 2020 – as great-grandparents. Dad didn’t want a death notice or funeral. Due to coronavirus, we couldn’t have a Church service for Mum.
          Your post emphasises how I feel about my Mother, whilst highlighting even more the lack of relationship with my Dad.
          Appreciate your sharing and wish you a very long happy healthy marriage.

        13. i ve lost my dad for a year now and i feel like it s just happend … it’s not easy but bee sure that he will stay always in your heart and memory you will remember him every single day like he is always with u … even if sometimes wee need hugs but whst can wee do it s life

      2. I lost my dad last month due to failing in battling his sickness, died in his sleep. I share an birthday with him but that will be the saddest day of my life. Father’s day is coming up but that will make things worst now that he isnt here anymore. It’s hard not to think about him. But I’m going to stay strong.

          1. I lost my dad 4 years ago on Aug. 21st 2015. Just 10 days before his birthday. Father’s day is around the corner for me and that’s sooo hard to deal with. Stage 4 liver cancer took my dad and I still can’t get over how I feel lost. Thanks for sharing this its helpful but it still doesn’t matter. But I did have one question I’d like to ask. What r this ways u found to put ur dad in ur wedding? U never mentioned it and it’s one thing I’ve yet to figure out and it’s keeping me from even wanting a wedding. I’d appreciate it if u could get ahold if me somehow. My email: [email protected]

          2. I googled this cause I don’t know how to respond or process this. My mom just passed away tonight at 8:18. I understand that it’s universal to bury your parent. I’m trying to process it and I’m not sure how to. She told me she wanted to go months ago and I was angry at first, felt mad cause I felt like she was giving up. I accepted more and more but now I’m trying to hold it together. Wanting to go to sleep and hoping this is a dream. Hoping that she’ll speak to me in my sleep. My sister was with her she called me as it was happening. I told her how much I loved her, I’ll miss her. Thank you for posting this, thank you allowing me to share.

          3. I lost my beloved Mum on 8 May 2019. I looked after her after she suddenly suffered a Stroke on 9 January 2019. She became very weak and it was an infection that could not be treated that killed her. I had to watch her die over 5 days. I am heartbroken. I am still struggling with sadness and nobody seems to care. They think I should just get on with it. She was my best friend all my life. I went to a Counsellor for 3 sessions as that was all I was offered. It was a waste of time I just felt she could not be bothered with me.

          4. My dad passed away 10 months ago. I am 27 he was 52. The more time passes the more I realise he’s not coming back. I go through the anger stage quiet frequently at the minute. Your post has given me strength that I’m not going crazy. And that there is no normal way to grieve.

            All the best to everyone on his journey x

          1. Darryl, I have just lost my daddy too. I feel pain like I have never felt. I’m hoping time will make my pain ease x

          2. I lost my father recently, and I didnt live with him full time. I’m only 13, but because I didnt live with him full time, it kinda feels like he’s still alive, as if hes just somewhere else…alive. But the hard truth is hes gone.

        1. I lost my father 2 months ago and I have never felt such a huge sense of loss it is terrifying. I feel alone in this world. Your article expressed so much of what I have felt. Thank you for sharing

          1. I just lost my dad 2 days ago. I am shattered and feel so lost and alone. The trauma of watching someone you love suffer,decline and ultimately die is like nothing I’ve ever had to go through. Can’t sleep or eat. I wonder if it ever gets better

          2. Makenzie
            I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your dad at such a young age. My dad died unexpectedly too 12 years ago, it was very traumatic for us all. It would have been his birthday today! I’m so sorry. My heart aches for you and everyone one else here.
            When he first left us, all I could think about was his last few moments of life, replaying it over and over again in my mind. I couldn’t get my mind around the fact that he was gone. For a long time, I wondered if I would ever be able to think about anything else. Time does heal to a certain extent and you slowly learn to live a new life without them. You have no choice.
            It still hurts, it always will. He spent his whole life trying to make ours easier and make us happy. So you decide to try and be happy and not let his life go to waste.

          3. I lost my father a little over one year ago. My father had been living in the country portion of Germany with his second wife and my baby brother and baby sister for many years.
            He had just celebrated his 79th birthday on June 1, seven days later on June 8, 2018 my husband woke me up between 6:00a and 7:00a to tell me my mother and my oldest sister, who at the time was living in the city, were on their way. He also informed me that I had missed calls from Switzerland (where I’m from and where one of my other sisters has lived since her teens.) Deep down I already knew something was wrong but, it becomes obvious to my husband that I’m subconsciously blocking out what he just said. He then asks me: “Did you hear what I just said? You have several missed calls from Switzerland.” At that point I am slowly becoming hysterical because I am already preparing myself for horrible news.
            My mother arrives with a large jug of water and says: “I’m so glad Brad is hasn’t gone to work yet.” She goes over and takes a seat in a chair in our living room, she then tells me that my father had an aneurysm form in his stomach from the 4,000+ calories he’d been unknowingly intaking for
            years due to his dementia. He passed out from the pain and then he passed away shortly after . As soon as she said those words I fell from the seated position I was in on the couch face down onto the floor and bawled like a little girl. I couldn’t get up for ten minutes and honestly I wanted to go and be with him at that very moment.

            I know I will get through it with each passing day, month and year.

            My heart is with anyone who knows what this pain feels like as well.

            I hope it gets easier the more time that passes.
            Stay strong!!!

        2. I lost my mum and dad within 12 weeks of each other, my mum to cancer that went undiagnosed and led to a really bad goodbye and my dad to heart failure 12 weeks after. I can’t grieve my dad, it feels like I can only grieve mum, she had a terrible death and was let down because they didn’t listen, will I ever have space to grieve for dad?

          1. My dad passed 9/19/19 and I feel so alone. He is my best friend and neighbor. I am 42. He died from an aggressive form of Alzheimer’s that took his life in six months. He had so much unfinished work he wanted to do and all his cars equipment and stuff is still right where he left it. He didn’t know he was dying. We we’re so close I don’t know how I’m going to get through. He’s the one person I could always count on and that showed me unconditional 💕 love!

          2. Hi Janine
            I too lost my mum 11 weeks ago to sudden Heart failure and my dad 1 week ago to pancreitus both aged 59 my heart is broken into a million pieces and I totally understand how you feel.
            I feel that my dad has given me strength to get through it as we found mum together and talked about that day quite a lot and then he taken ill.
            I have to put my best foot forward and continue to make them proud just like when they was alive we have to carry on for our families as they need us…
            so sorry about your loss

        3. Thank you so much for sharing this. My father turned 58 and passed and couple days later, 2 days before my 30th birthday.

          The sadness is unimaginable but it is so comforting to see I’m not alone in this journey. So much of what your wrote is really similar to my experience so far and it’s only been 2 months.

        4. I just lost my Dad two hours ago. God how I loved him. Such a lo ing AND incredibly smart Dad. I’m going to turn 54 in a few weeks. It will be my first Bday in 54 years not hearing his voice. He was 78. I hope I can be strong enough for my siblings and my Mom and help them get thru their grief. Thanks for this blog and everyone’s comments. It helps.

        5. I’m 20 years old turning 21 in a few days it’s also my father’s birthday tomorrow . I lost my pillar of strength four months ago .. and I still can accept the fact that I will never see him again . The last four months I’ve been drowning , drowning in sadness . It breaks my heart that there was nothing I could do for him even tough I wanted to take his pain and suffering away . I wish that he was still here by my side , I need him everyday 😥 He was always my go-to person when life wasn’t treating me fair . I read this article and comments and now I know I’m not alone , I don’t feel this type of hurt alone . Thank you !

        6. Thanks for this post. I lost my dad 13 days ago due to a surprise heart attack. The last time I saw him in person was late Nov 2019 – I live and work in a different country. The worst part is I couldn’t even go to my country and be with the rest of my family due to the lockdown and travel restrictions. I never imagined this would happen and can’t make sense of it. I started working as I didn’t know what to do during the lockdown. But I don’t know how I should feel. Sometimes I feel empty, other times I feel fine and am able to recall good memories, I am able to relax virtually with friends and sometimes I just feel lost like I have somehow become weaker. I have been sleeping well most nights but I feel guilty and annoyed that I don’t see him in my dreams esp since we were quite close and I was such a daddy’s little girl.
          Reading your post however makes me a little hopeful and helps to know I am not the only one going through this.

      3. Thank u for sharing ur story. I lost both my parents a week after each other. It’s almost two years n I can’t move on. They are all I talk about all I think about and lately all I dream about. It hurts just as bad as the first time I was told I nolonger have them

        1. Thank you for your writing; everything is so touching to me ‘coz I lost my father last month. Am still struggling to believe that he is not around and this makes me so mad. I cry a lot whenever am alone and feel like fighting a lot with almighty for all the suffering he gave to my papa. Not sure how long it gonna take to get over this however, watching his pictures and videos helps me calm down a lil.

          1. Man I lost my father Jan 17th 2020, I barely cry but this has brought nothing but agonizing pain and tears everyday. He was my best friend I talked to him on the phone daily. But I hadn’t visited him in 9 years. How I wish I took flights to Dominican Republic to go see him. I regret not going back I was selfish and didn’t visit him knowing he had diabetes and last stage of kidney failure. I spoke to him every day and I thought he was taking care of his health So I assumed he would make it to the U.S this year for better treatment since he was on dialysis and adviced by his doctor to take care of his diet. But we later found out he had poor diet and consumed large amounts of liquid which ultimately drowned his lungs. He just turned 45 in October and I just turned 30 in October. The thought of Big milestones are making me cry, I hear a song I cry, I see my little sister or little brother I cry and it breaks my heart to see my mother try to keep strong. This is the first time I’m not going to want to celebrate my birthday because mine n my moms birthday is oct 14th and my dads birthday was oct 29th. We were like triplets. I don’t have a good ending but being on this forum has helped me a little. I appreciate all of your testimonies it’s giving me strength to keep pushing forward. May the universe bring peace to all of y’all in moments like these.

          1. I am 56 years old and lost my dad 2 days ago. Feel like my heart has been broken in two. Cant stop crying and at this time I dont want to go on living. I just want my dadx

        2. I lost my mom unexpectedly 4 years ago yesterday, and it hurts just as much as when I got the phone call about her passing. I don’t think it ever gets better, you just learn to live with it.

          1. I lost my dad while on holiday 2 days into a UK and Paris trip. July. I went to a Father’s day memorial service helped as I missed dad funeral. He died in his sleep. After my trip to many places but now I feel lost.

        3. I lost my Dad on 30th Sept 2019. He was 72-73. I am 34. He had a chronic breathing issue but passed away due to sudden heart failure. I live in toronto and he used to live in kolkata. I received a call from my mom crying and saying that my dad is no more. At first I didn’t believe and not a single drop of tears. Then suddenly the feeling of losing dad overwhelmed me. Now it’s 4 days I am still crying. I see that for every of my life events he is there but going forward for any if my life events he will not be there. I am not able to take that feeling. Hopefully it will subside soon. Thanks for the article

      4. my dad passed away on 31st October 2019 with sudden cardiac arrest I can’t able to digest he is only 68 I miss my dad somuch and he is like my best friend where ever we go out we go to gether .I also miss my mom somuch in my life I lost her 4 years ago I don’t have both of them which I loved somuch my heart broken. May their souls rest in peace .

        1. I am now 63 and I lost my dad nearly 4 years ago. I still Cry. It seems like yesterday . I am slowly learning to live with it. I cannot accept the fact that I will never ever see or hear him again. Grief is a terrible emotion. I sometimes just feel lost in grief . I know I am not alone. Sometimes I speak to my dad and tell him just how much I love him and miss him and just hope that he can hear me .! Hugs to you all that are going through these really sad times.

      5. I’m glad to have found your article. I lost my dad a little under 2 weeks ago. I’m 27 and my younger sister is 23. I’ve been feeling very lost and alone since it happened, and also partially in denial. He was overseas in Australia with my mom and sister on vacation while I was home house sitting. I kept thinking that I hadn’t talked to him on the phone since I dropped them off at the airport, or even texted him. Neither my sister or I could be with him when he passed Either. Only my mom was there the night he passed. I’m waiting for them all to return to Canada, but I’m also scared and worried about the funeral coming up. I know it should help being able to see him and say goodbye. But I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I know he would want us all to cope and move on, but it seems impossible right now. But reading your article helped me realize that a lot of the emotions I’m feeling are normal, and that my dad will always be a part of my life. Thank you for writing this article.

      6. Thank you so much for sharing this. My father turned 58 and passed and couple days later, 2 days before my 30th birthday.

        The sadness is unimaginable but it is so comforting to see I’m not alone in this journey. So much of what your wrote is really similar to my experience so far and it’s only been 2 months.

      7. I lost my Dad Yesterday to Diabetes he was not sick. I feel so guilty I had not seen my father in 7 years and not because we fought but because we were in 2 different countries and a lot of factors in and out. We talk thou via call and I remember a time we did video call it was the best but I cannot stop thinking that I took too long and I will never get that hug I dreamt about and the smile and a lot of expectations like I will never be able to dial Super Dad to hear his voice, just to know that he is Ok… I miss him so much I cannot even explain how much it hurts… it really hurts

        1. Why do we go though this. No one prepared me for this. It’s the worst pain I ever Felt in my entire life. I have so many regrets.

      8. My dad died June 7th. My daughter was born June 24th. My 1st bday without him is tomorrow and I’m a mess. I have an amazing support system of siblings and friends who have lost their dad. But I still feel so lost and alone.

      9. Hi , I lost my dad March 11 /20 … he was my friend my hero he was the best dad because when my mom decide to come to America he never left us we stay we my grandma and he will come every day to visit in the weekend he will take me and my sister to movies , dinner and ice cream . We knew he was sad and sometimes will not talk a lot but he was there for us I love my dad so much I hope this pain will go away

      10. I’m 19 years old and I lost my dad just 22 days ago and I swear its heart wrenching situation and I just pray that i can make myself this much ready to feel upcoming situations remember me in your prayers

      11. I just lost my father (tatay) the other day and I was in shock.

        I haven’t been home for 2 months because of the lockdown and the last time we talked was 6 days ago and I still could remember his laughters.

        The pain is unexplainable, I couldn’t ignore it. I am trying to cope by spending time talking to him at night, even though he won’t be able to answer. I can feel his presence in my heart and this is so far helping me to at least cope with it.

        He’s been a great father to me. He might have not been the best son or husband but as a father to us, to me, I couldn’t ask for someone better. Thank you Tay! I love you forever.

      12. Hi!
        I’m so sorry for your loss.
        I completely understand what you must have gone through.
        It’s been a month since my dad passed away. He was suffering from cancer.
        I just want to connect with you to have some words.. or i would rather say to share my grieve.
        I feel so alone & lost.
        Felt like you’ll understand my pain. People say sharing your pain helps you heal.
        So maybe connecting with you might help me in dealing with this loss.
        I hope to hear from you. :’)

      13. I have been lost since 2001 drinking working and everything I can think of to try not to remember that day but nothing works I’ve had to live every day seeing them try to revive him

      14. I don’t think u could have got any better on how I feel . I lost my dad to cancer two months ago I feel so lost right now it’s like u said most of your friends don’t get what u feel except the one that’s lost a parent to loseing a parent different some that u loved and cared about losing a parent puts u in another world almost and until it happens to u . U don’t have a clue to how it will change your life so much and the lost that u will is like no other. Thank u for what u wrote it did me good to night to read it tonight been one of nights thanks again

      15. My name is Maggie Augustine. I lost my Dad last month on Easter Sunday, the 12th April at 12:00 am. I am very much disturbed as my Dad loved me so much and was concerned about me and my future. I love my Dad so much and I cannot forget the struggles he has gone through all his life just for my happiness. My Dad was having a Diabetic foot infection and he was under treatment. He was discharged from the hospital as he was stable and was advised to come for follow ups. But he passes away after a week at home whole sleeping.We called him but he did not respond and I saw him taking breath from mouth and passed away. Me and Mom were besides my Dad when he was passing. We could not understand why he was taking breath from mouth and called the ambulance. By the time the nurses and the ambulance came,my Dad already passed away and they told checked my Dad and told us that he has died and now there is no point taking to the hospital. I cannot believes that my Dad would go away so soon and this was really unexpected as my Dad had infections in the foot earlier also but this time the infection took my Dad’s life. I am in deep pain from inside but somehow I try to get mixed feelings. I thing that my Dad will come back soon and sometimes I feel it wont happen. I am also working, while working I get busy in work and while not working I think about my Dad and I hope that My Dad will come back soon as nothing is impossible for God. I need your help

      16. It’s been 9 years since my dad committed suicide. I was 7 back then. I never really understood what was happening at that time but now it hurts so much. It’s unbearable. I can’t even explain it. And no one close to me can really understand it because well they all have their dads. Thank you for this post though. I’m so sorry about your dad. Lots of love.

      17. Hi I lost my mother 4 weeks ago unexpectedly from a heart attack, at least that’s what we think. She was found in her trailer 3 days after she passed. I loved my mom with all my heart. She was the only person in the world who REALLY knew me. I am so happy I found this article, puts peace in my heart because I DO feel lost and wonder when the heck this pain will go away becaus3 I know she is in a better place but I just miss her. Yes I want her here for advice. I just had a baby, 3wks beforw she died. And the covid pandemic kept us from letting her hold the baby. Breaks my heart.
        Thank you for letting me share
        Aimee

      18. Thank you for sharing this. I lost my dad 13 years ago when I was 17. Eldest child of 3 so had to grow up quick at that point. I was in the dream for a year during last year of school and it hit in the summer hols. My mum didn’t handle anything well and turned angry and violent towards me in the second year and my siblings wanted me to leave as it was considered I was the problem. I feel I lost her at the same time as losing my Dad. I moved out and she moved on to my brother. Our relationship has never been the same. I don’t hug her, or tell her I love her because quite frankly I don’t believe I do. I try hard these days for my Dad’s sake and my son who adores her, but reading this has helped me. Struggled lately and haven’t been able to cry so reading this, and knowing I’m not alone has truly helped. Thank you and heartfelt condolences for your loss.

      19. Reading this after a hard couple of days that I can’t even talk to my dad about. He was killed 5 months ago and here I was thinking that since I moved and got a new job I was okay. Ha! Thank you for writing this… I feel a tiny bit less crazy now.

      20. I lost my dear Mom several years ago , she was my everything. We were always to get together. We were like yeinsb, indentical . She always , listen , lived , cared about me and my brother. She never said harsh words . My father is currently living , just the opposite. He’s very mean , a bully . He hasn’t ever given me the opportunity to talk , ask questions. He’s insensitive , I fear his presence , he’s older now , I tend to stay away. He left us when , I and my brother needed him. I think of how I love my children and wonder how could you put your kids out of your life and leave your kid to be someone else ? He didn’t give us money , kivei or guidance. He was mean to us all. I recently lisd my child , he was special needs. I have one older son. He’s said , bad things about him. Also , my deceased Mother. , for no reason. In so hurt and alone. I try to not be involved with him , because he makes me hurt please help me. He talks to much. Although , I assist him from a distance , Void him as much as possible. I don’t want anything to happen to him. But , I don’t enjoy being in his presence Please help. Thanks ,

      21. Sorry about your loss. I’m 28 and lost my dad 4months ago. Everyday I get reminded of how I used fight and argue with him for silly things and unable to forgive myself.
        I couldn’t do anything for my dad who a lot for me and was always ready to do anything and everything.

        Can you please suggest something that I could do for him now. Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense.

      22. Struggling with the loss of my Brother and my Dad. They died within 8 hrs of each other. Both had cancer and were in Hospice. Oct 5, 2019, my 49 yr old Brother passed away and Oct 6, 2019, my 71 yr old Dad. I struggle with feeling angry and out of control. I deal with overwhelming sadness. Back to work 3 weeks after. I wasn’t ready, however, the financial obligations do not stop. My Mom became sick almost immediately and was in and out of the hospital. I feel like I’m losing it! I was there for all of them. Being the primary caregiver to my Brother, we all moved in together so we could help one another. My Dad and Brother were able to see each other for the last time. It has been awful. I try to keep it together but I haven’t been able to make much progress. I joined a grief support group for help. It made it hard for me because I started worrying about everyone else and their losses. I sadly had to step away. I felt so guilty, but it was too much for me to shoulder. Shortly after I left, the group was cancelled because of COVID 19. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo. I don’t know what to do with myself. The guilt I carry is enormous. The sadness is daily. I am constantly aware of their absence. I’m stuck. I’m exhausted. Some days I just want to give up! I know others lose loved ones, family and friends everyday. It is truly the most heartbreaking feeling. Then to try to keep my Mom monitored through all of this. I’m just can’t cope. I am always sad. Always. I go through the motions at work. Come home exhausted with nothing left at the end of the day. Sometimes I feel like, what’s the point? Ok, I’ll stop rambling. Would love prayers and suggestions on how you have made it through. God Bless those of you that have experienced loss. No doubt, all of you. That’s why you’re on this page.

      23. Thank you for this I’m 18 and my dad past 11 years even though I was little I was still able to understand and it hurts but thank you for making me feel like I’m normal because I was starting to think that crying about his death 11 years later wasnt normal and I know that I should live and cherish his memory and eventually share his memory with my future children.
        So thank you❤️

          1. So sorry , Jackie . So very sorry .
            I lost my mom 4 months ago after being by her side thru her chemo & pain .
            I know the intense feeling of losing our moms . I wish I could tell you if & when we will heal , but I’m struggling myself . It’s a lonely , scary world without our moms . God bless you , Jackie & I do know that our mind are running around in heaven with no more pain … it’s us who are still here that feel this great loss . They are in the best place ever & one day we will all see one another again in heaven . Prayers to you .

        1. I also lost my father 9 months ago. He also died in my arms. I was 22 and about to graduate college. I’m sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing though, makes me feel less alone with my mourning.

          1. I am 21 and my father was a single Dad that raised me when since I was three, I’m even named after him. He died 6 months ago. Kept feeling like I was perfectly fine, and that he had given all the tools I need to succeed in life, but I’m starting to feel the grief creep up, and I’m scared. We just sold his house 2 weeks ago and I, a college student living month to month, have to find somewhere to store all his stuff and keep all our family photos. Both my grandparents have passed too. I feel like just a kid holding on to my families name and memories, loss it hard…

          2. thank you so much lost my dad a week ago. I had just turned 12 4 days before he died . he had died in a motercycle crash and I can’t stop crying

        2. I’m 13 and I lost my dad last June. He was in a car accident in Scotland. It’s been hard. He was a navy veteran. He died the day before Father’s Day, so it was very very hard. I tried to stay strong for everyone the first 2-3 weeks but then came the funeral. They played Jealous of the angels and I lost it. I did a speech about my dad at my schools Veterans Day program which had our whole gym full. The high school and our junior high have there’s together and most of our community comes too. We had about 300-500 people in our gym and I had the whole gym balling. I wanted to cry but I didn’t. The day my siblings and I were told, like ten minutes after we had our whole house full of people. It stayed like a zoo for about 2 months, everyone keeps saying “oh Becca is so tough. She always has a big smile on her face.” But on the inside I’m not ok. Just last week my family were going to get our passports done and the lady there said “the children’s father will need to be there too” and my mom said “ he’s deceased.” That really hurt to be reminded about that. Even listening to certain songs makes me cry like Hurt by Christina Aguilera. I always feel so alone because none of my friends understand what I’m going through.

          1. i’m 20 and i lost both of my grandparents in april 2017 and lost my dad in december 2018. my grandma was my world, everything i did was for her. i have so much regret now looking back at how terrible i treated her as a child. i wish forever that i could take it back and heal her pain.
            my dad was absent most of my life. but i do have memories that will stay with me forever. he battled with drug addiction and mental illnesses and in 2016 he approached me, homeless and hadn’t eaten in days so i let him stay for a week but something didn’t feel right and i told him to leave. now two years later, he gets into trouble and lost his life. it pains me so much. i feel like i failed him. if i could go back in time and help him lord knows i would over and over again. he deserved more even if he gave me close to nothing. i miss them so much.

          2. Hang in there sweet girl. I was 12 when my dad committed suicide and I’m now 29… just remember when you’re sad and down that although it is okay to miss him and grieve you live FOR him. There is no world out there where our dad’s – no matter how they passed away – want us to live in constant grief and sadness. Take care of yourself and don’t ever feel guilty for being happy when that day comes again because in reality, that’s all your dad wants anyway ♥️ Stay strong Becca.

          3. Becca,I truly understand the emotions and the feelings that you are going through.
            I lost My Dad to Cancer 4 years ago, and there are still days that I miss him immensely. I think that someone who has felt really deep Pain and Grief understands better than anyone, and we would not be Human Beings,if we did not have these feelings.
            Treasure The Wonderful and Amazing Times that you had with Your Father,and remember to live on,and Follow Your Life Dreams.
            Take care xx

          4. sending you a really big hug – I lost my Dad too and I am 52 but the pain is still so hard and so deep – we are united in our love and our loss xx

        3. So many sad stories on here, and my heart goes out to you all. I lost my Daddy 19 years ago. Today would have been his 81st birthday and it’s been a strange day: a mixture of hard and joyful. I’m trying to focus on the joyful things. And we had many of those.
          I also take strength that he was such a fine and well loved man. We had our moments but his family adored him. Same with his brother, my uncle, who I loved just as much as Dad at times. The finality of death is hard. It’s the worst thing about the whole process: knowing you’ll never see those folks again, or spend time chatting to them, or arguing or having fun :).
          The sadness will be with me always, but my love for both him and my uncle will be so much stronger.

        4. It is comforting to realize I am not alone. My dad died 14 months ago and although I still have a mother and sibling. I still feel alone a lot. After my dad died, my mother and sister bonded and I was left all alone. It hurts so bad at this times, I do not know what to do. My mother has abandoned me emotionally.

          1. Darryl, I have just lost my daddy too. I feel pain like I have never felt. I’m hoping time will make my pain ease x

        5. It’s been five months and two weeks since the loss of my mom. It’s the hardest thing I have ever encountered. We were beyond close and sounded identical often. It’s something that is indescribable. I identify with this article in so many ways. It’s like it feels like it happened yesterday and this pain is unbearable.

          1. I feel the same way. I was very close to my Mum too. Nobody seems to care. You are just expected to be positive and get on with it when you are falling apart inside.

        6. I feel your pain, I’m just 18 now but I lost my dad at 17, I have thought random days where it hits me hard, especially when watching movies & the dad dies or listening to sad songs. I just want him back but I can’t 😪 …

          1. I lost my dad in April to cancer. I watched him take his last breath. Then on July 12th, 2 1/2 months after my dad died I witnessed my mom go into cardiac arrest and die right in front of me, my husband and my brother. Oh, and it was on her birthday. The pain and disbelief takes over me every day. How can this of happened, I ask myself every day. Has anyone lost their parents close together like that?

        7. I lost my mom when I was 20 and she was 51. It has been a year since on October 21 of this year. I will never forget that day and it still is with me everyday. Sometimes it feels like I will never be happy again. I feel lucky enough to have had my mom for the time I did. I’m so sorry for your loss. Know you are not alone❤️

      1. I just lost my dad on February 8 2020 this year when I first found out I couldn’t believe it it’s as if I couldn’t breathe and my heart felt funny and people had to calm me down. You don’t feel right like a robot some days you can’t function other times you cry.

        1. II list my father February 2 2020 and it has turnés my workshop upsdide diem completely. Sinne I, very regretfully, am single without kids I feel lonely beyond imagination. I miss my deer father so much and in so many ways. I”ve fine through all possibel stagen of grief and sometimes I wonder of I ever can be whole again. I dont wanna live my life backwards just thinking of what I could have Done and without no furiren in sight. I’ve Beverly felt scared, lost and unsafe before but nos It’s unbarable. I guess many of You recognise that unpleasant feeling in the stomach that radiates outwards and never goes away

    1. Thank you for sharing with us. I lost my mom 14 yrs ago I remember it like it just happened. Following my moms death my life went into complete and utter meltdown. My wife and I got divorced I lost the house and everything I had built. I moved to another city for about a year working for my company. Life there just wasn’t the same as home. I moved back home met s wonderful woman and was re married. I was happy or so I thought and that day came when it all caught up with me. I have been in a deep depression for quite a few years now. Since then my father passed away 6 yrs ago. I have yet to grieve either one of them. Its like I’m stuck back in 2004 and 2011. I don’t know how to move on.

      1. Hey Doug, I’m sorry for a that’s happened to you. But don’t give up. Just keep reading more about this topic and I think it will helo you. Even though you’re a man, sometimes it’s okay to shed a few tears…after all, it’s your parents. Anyway, I wish you all the best and I believe you can pick yourself up.

      2. I love this post. I’m 31. Lost my mom (she was a semi absent parent) 8 years ago and my dad 2 years ago. I find myself still crying about him. Everyday I think of him. It’s nice to know that I’m not weird… or alone. Thank you guys.

          1. I lost my dad 15th december 2018,I’m lost hurt angry I can’t get through a day without falling to the floor in tears. My mum died 5yrs ago it killed me too but I had my dad to help get through it,but now I’m 52 but I feel like a child losing a parent. My heart is broken,unfixable to me anyway. I hope someone out there has an idea that might help me. Jo

          2. I lost my dad one year ago when I was 14 and my little sister was 8. It was my first moment in high school. I still remember he drove me to my school for the last time. I came here because right now I feel sad. I am sad because I got a bad scores. My dad knew me as a clever person when I was in Junior High, but I can’t imagine how sad he is if he know that I am not that clever. I feel so empty, a lil bit jealous bcs most of my friends celebrate their 17th birthday with their dad and I’m just gonna celebrate it with my mum and sister and no dad. My mum hv a new partner but they haven’t married yet, bcs my lil sister hate it when my mum luv someone new. Suddenly I got a strange direct message on instagram from people that I don’t know before, and it was mum partner‘s wife. She ask me to tell my mom to not bother their fam, and I haven’t tell her. I really don’t know what to do with this life. I got so many failure such as bad scores, mum partner‘s wife, my crush close to someone else, I am not able to join choir competition, and so many other things that stuck in my head. I am so dying with this life. I want to go with my dad, but I remember I still have mum and sist. *i am crying rn

          3. Briggitte
            I just lost my dad a few weeks ago. I am sad and empty and feel like I’ll never be back to normal again. I walk around crying, or walk around hollow. There is no in between right now. But I’m an adult. And I can tell you, as a mom of teenagers, that there’s NOTHING they could ever do that would disappoint me the way you think you’ve disappointed your dad. I KNOW that he’s watching you from heaven and loves you more than anything in this world. He knows you’re just a kid and he doesn’t expect you to be perfect and he knows you will make mistakes. And he STILL loves you. You are too young to be putting all of this pressure on yourself. Please find someone to talk to-a counselor at school, someone at church, any adult who can point you in the direction to get help. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.

          4. Just lost my Dad a week ago today at age 89. He kinda gave up on life about a year ago, losing interest slowly in his passions and we knew he wished for life to be over. Hard to watch someone you love decline slowly and you grieve along with the slow losses. He fell in his bathroom in March, sustained a fracture and really declined fast; within weeks had lost interest in food , stopped being mobile, took to bed and passed 2 days later. My 89 year old Mom and I were near when he left us and siblings arrived soon after. It still seems unreal…I keep expecting to see him in his chair when I visit.The emotional toll is enormous as is the physical…I miss him terribly and feel so sad…even though I know he was ready to transition. Blessings to all who have lost loved ones..✌🏼❤️

        1. I lost my father five months ago and I can’t seem to accept that he’s gone,nice to know that I am not the only one.

          1. I lost mom 2 months ago. She died on what was the 18 year of my fathers death. Dad died in his 40’s mom never woke up from surgery. I am scared with mom’s death so recently that memories of dad are fading. I have a 2 year old child but i still need my parents.

          2. I lost my father a week ago to a very short cancer battle which lasted a month. Im so heartbroken can’t accept that he’s gone . Not sure how im going to cope. He was only 71 and had so much more life in him. Life’s cruel.
            I can’t eat , sleep or do anything but just cry every minute. It’s so hard he was my rock!
            Don’t know how I’m going to manage without him.

      3. Hi Doug
        I’d speak to a therapist abut PTSD, you have had rapid succession of loss and PTSD can hang around for years. I only recently lost my Mum (3 weeks) and am trying to push through.

        I wish you all the best.

        x

        1. I lost my mom 4 years ago. Today I have been a mess, honestly. It’s like it just hit me all over again. I have felt her slipping through my fingertips, like you said, some memories fade away and that really hurts. It really hurts. I’m 32 and God willing, I have many years ahead of me. I’ll go more of my life without my mom than with her and it breaks my heart. I’m just so sad right now. Although it is comforting knowing that others have and do feel the same and what I’m going through is normal, I feel guilty for feeling so horrible because some people lose their parents at a much younger age, some may not have even known them at all. My kids were able to know and remember her, whereas my little sister’s daughter had that opportunity taken from her. It’s just hard at times. I really do appreciate you writing this and keeping it real. I’m so sorry you lost your father. I hope tomorrow is one of many good days for you. ❤

      4. Douglas I feel you there with the depression. My father passed away on 1-5-17 when I was 19. After he passed I felt emotionless and then it hit me. I have had depression before all this but it hit rock bottom after he passed. I used to drink whiskey every night, I drank and drove all the time. I didn’t know how to deal with my depression because I was a daddy’s boy. He was the one person who would steer me right when I was in the wrong and always be the one I talked to when I needed advice. In a couple different drunken rages i attempted stupid things. What hurt the most is my baby brother lost him when he was 5 and he never got to get to know my dad like i did and it was always swelling on me i just wish i could switch places with him and I still feel that today. I know he always knew I loved him it just kills me I saw him in the hospital with my brother a couple days before he passed and he said “dont worry about me I’ll be fine I’ll see you when I get home.” My brother said I love you and I never did and I still feel that pain. Seeing him on a breathing machine ripped me apart and I just wish I could have switched places with my father for my baby brother so he could experience what I felt with my dad. Ever since he has passed I put on a fake smile when I’m depressed and i just feel like a part of my soul died with him and I can never recover. Even though i am surrounded by family and friends i still feel all alone like I’m on an endless road that leads nowhere like I have no purpose. Alot of days I’m good but somedays I feel like a boulder hit me. I’ve had a couple dreams where I’ve talked to him and It was like a regular day when i was a child and i grew up and showed him the tattoo i got in memory of him and I’ve told him how much I love and miss him and he said he had to go and i woke up and i immediately started bawling my eyes out and felt an overwhelming feeling of grief. I havent had any dreams with him in a long time and I just wish I could go back in time and change everything but I know I cant. I just wish I would have spent more time with him. Sometimes I close my eyes and all I see is him laying in that hospital bed with the breathing machine connected and air pumping into his lungs and his body move with each pump. At that time I just told myself he was going to be okay everything would end up all fine and he would come home. They had to make him really cold and slowly heat him back up to try to save him. When my mother said there was a low chance he would survive I immediately broke down and lost my faith and cursed God for doing this to me my baby brother and my sister. I though how could a caring and loving God do something so cruel to me and my family. I went home the night before he passed and I wanted to stay at the hospital with him but my mom said to go home and the next morning I got a random call from my cousin crying and telling me “I’m so sorry lane.” I threw my phone and punched three holes in the wall and sat there and cried. A few months after he passed I regained my faith and I believe God took my father away from me and my brother and sister to make me a more loving and caring person and to tell my brother about my father and memories with him. My baby brother is the reason why I’m still here. I just wish I could talk to him and hug him or dream about him again. I’m slowly accepting his death but It still tears me apart. If anyone wants to talk about their passed on loved ones or need help trying to deal with grief we can tell each other ways of how we heal.

        1. lane thank you for sharing your story..i lost my father 2 weeks ago.when i heard from my elder brother that my father passed away,I felt guilty and i wanted to kill myself. because i got into an argument with my father 3 years ago.I haven’t seen him or contacted with him since.
          when i went to hometown last year,i heard that he wants to meet me and he expects me to come over to house..but i didn’t..
          I should have met him last year…i shouldn’t have fought with him…
          i have been spending my time regretting..
          i still can’t accept my father’s death

        2. I’m so sorry .Keep any memories alive . I lost my father and witness it .we will all re United 1day.look for signs their are around

      5. Hi Doug,
        I can relate… I lost my dad 5 months ago and he was my soul mate. He was my safety net…. I felt so happy when he was alive but now I too don’t feel content…. it’s just not the same. That was my favourite part of the day, was calling him and hearing his voice on the phone.
        I was overseas when my dad died and was trying to come home to say good bye but my mom didn’t want me there which was doubly hard. I wish u well though.
        Love cindy

      6. Thank you all for sharing, I lost my mum and dad just over 3 years ago 4 month’s apart both age 65. My mum died in her sleep from a bleed on the brain very unexpected I was with my dad ever day after that and 4 months later when he suddenly had a massive heart attack and died after being completely healthy. I say he died of a broken heart. I still beat myself up about why I didn’t see the signs with both there deaths. I have 2 children who they thought the world of they have missed so much with them it hurts so much some times I feel I cant breath.

      7. in may this year i lost both my parents within 2 weeks of each other.i am heartbroken lost and struggle to get through each day,i also feel let down by family members with their lack of support,i feel so alone.

        1. Hi Tracy

          I hope you are doing well… I don’t know how you must feel loosing both parents in short span but am 24 and lost both my mum when I was 13 and Dad yesterday thou I am 24 now.

          It hurts like hell

    2. I lost my Dad a few years ago, but everyday I pretend it never happened. We were a close family, all 4 sisters , mum and dad. since he has gone only the none of the sisters speak to each other. my mum has split us all up by saying that youngest will get any inheritance, and never invites , phones or wants to speak to me . I never wanted anything other than their love. Dad used to make us get together as a family . The worst part is after the funeral my mum has scattered the ashes and never told us where, so I can’t even go and talk to him. I wish I could hug him.

      1. Sorry that you have not only lost your Dad but also your Family have split this happens alot after a family member passes just to say my Brother has or had my Mums Ashes it made me Angry that he wouldnt scatter them we fell out and now I dont know where our Mums Ashes are ive now began to except that I may never be able to visit a Special place to talk to her so I just talk to her any time any where im not wasting my Life on Anger hope this helps.

      2. My dad died last year and my step mum cut us out of the funeral and won’t tell us where or if she has scattered the ashes. More heartache at such a sad time. I cry every day and still can’t believe he is gone. He died tragically and by an error in surgery that didn’t need to of happened. I still feel angry that he shouldn’t have died, he had more life ahead of him and I feel robbed of that time.
        People are cruel and do things like your mum has and my stepmom has at a time when people should stick together. Ours dad’s will be looking down on them with dismay. So sad. I hope you can find peace with knowing he is always with you and always will be. I try to remember this when I am sad that I will never get to see him again. X

      3. You must communicate with youre sisters Katie. Try youre best to keep all 4 sisters talking. maybe by going for a meal or something. hope it works out for you.

      4. You must communicate with youre sisters Katie. Try youre best to keep all 4 sisters talking. maybe by going for a meal or something. hope it works out for you.

      5. I lost my father 9 months ago. The last conversation I had with my dad was giving him the great news that his baby girl was pregnant. Now that my son is here, it pains me everyday knowing he will never have that relationship his cousins had with their granddad. My dad was such a strong and honorable man, he was a man of God and touched so many peoples lives young and old in our community. My dad and I would have many talks about everything, whenever I needed some advice he was my go to. Although I wish my father was still here or I could get a few more years with him; I know he endured so much through his sickness. He fought a great battle and I am forever proud to be his daughter.

      6. I lost my dad 10 days ago now I was sitting waiting in my room for him to text me back and pick me up to go for our planned meal and I kept checking his WhatsApp ‘last seen 00:00’ my sister rang him 90 times. I was at a party the night before and whilst all’s this was happening he was hanging in his kitchen 😞I feel disgusted and so guilty within my self I could’ve done more he moved back in with me my sister and mum and was living with us for months he’d gotten so much better with us and the one night he goes home he is gone forever because he couldn’t face the demons he was battling. I will never see him alive on earth again head his voice or be able to hug him😞I’m just telling myself it’s not real everyday otherwise I will kill my self I just don’t know what to do everytime I think to deep into it I just want to run infront of a car this can’t be real

    3. Blown away by this article. I had to step away and take breaths it was so intune and exacting to how I feel and probably always will about my dear mum forever.

      Thank you and God bless.

    4. I am now 32 and just lost my mom in April of 2018 so I’m close to the one year mark and this article was soo helpful for me as well. You are definitely right when you say it’s nice to know that your not alone. I think that during the first well up until this past month I had just hidden how I felt but it’s been eating me alive inside and I can no longer allow it to do this to me it is time for me to let go of some of this pain and guilt that I have and to learn that it’s okay for me to not be strong all the time. I think that even since day one because I’ve put on this face of “I am okay” that every one thinks that I’m doing great but deep inside I’m screaming for someone to realize that I’m hurting inside so bad that it’s tearing me apart but instead, they have no clue and I honestly can’t be angry at them for that but I also want to be like “really people how would I be okay she was the only person I had left in my life and only person who I knew I could count on no matter what and she also lived right in front of me and I see her home every day.” They just don’t seem to hVe a clue which I am having trouble wrapping my head around but I can’t be mad at them for this because every I know thinks I’m fine because I’ve allowed them to believe so so much that my own husband barley sees me upset and even then I’ll say I’m crying over something else but I think I am possibly angry with him and even might be holding it against him and I know that isn’t any good either because once again I have allowed him to think that I am okay when I am definitely not okay.
      Thank you for writing this because I am actually going to share it with some of those who do think I’m doing okay because it’s the only way I know to show them that I’m not. I truly appreciate it and knowing that I am definitely not alone in this journey through life.

    5. I lost both my parents 2.5 weeks apart it’s so difficult at times trying to be strong,it’s only been just over 4 months ago and I feel It’s hitting me know
      Thanks Liz x

    6. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m 68 years old and I just lost my dad 4 weeks ago. I have been working 7 day weeks and I felt like I was grieving but continuing on, until tonite. I was with him when he passed. It was just dad , God and I. It’s been a very long day. I wondered what triggered this grieving today. There was a tornado warning the night dad passed. Just as the warning came on tv for the tornado my dad took his last breath. Today at 2 Pm we had a tornado watch here in Fl. 6 hours later I now realize it wasn’t a song, a flower or anything else to remind me. It was this damn tornado watch. A tornado watch sent me into tears and anger. I guess I need to watch the sky’s, you never know what it may bring.

    7. I just lost my dad today I still can’t believe it I don’t feel mike he is gone I was just on the phone with him and making plans to come visit him then my mom tells me the worst possible news i could imagine I cried initially but now I don’t really feel anything I really want to hope he is still here I wanna have that realization every thing feels like a daze

    8. My dad passed away on Father’s Day, just over two weeks ago. He was a young 62 and was an active hiker who loved being outdoors, he had battled several cancers over the last eight years and those last few weeks were horrendous for him and now he’s not in pain anymore. But it doesn’t stop the hurt or fill the void that the loss has left. I know one day I will remember him without the sadness, but I know this will be a long journey.

    9. I’m 24 and I lost my Dad 5 years ago today. The anniversary is always a difficult day. You’re right about the rawness of it all. It doesn’t seem to get any easier, but I always make him apart of my daily life. It’s all I can do.
      Thank you for your sharing your story. Such a relatable message. Lovely to hear.

    10. It’s been a month and two days since I lost my dad. I felt so numb and full of nothing that I questioned if I even cared. I think that’s just my brain trying to block out and protect me from hurting…I’m 19 and he was 54. I’m a second year and college and it feels like he’s just back at home…except there’s no more random FaceTimes from him or random texts checking up on me asking if I’m okay. It’s strange because I believe we all think our parents are invincible and nothing bad would ever happen to them. Until it does. I’ve tried to stay strong for my mom and my brother this past month but now I’m breaking. Crying myself to sleep and having random panic attacks. I’ve started journaling and that’s truly helped me in ways I can’t even explain. I know it’s going to get better or be ok someday but just not now

    11. Thank you so much for sharing your story. My dad passed away in a 18 wheeler accident. He drove 18 wheelers for 33 years. He will be gone 10 years in October. The hardest 10 years of my life. 3 years ago, I gave birth to my son. He reminds me so much of my Dad. He even has my Dad’s exact eye color. Seeing my son act like him, and have the exact same color of eyes has helped me with my broken heart syndrome. He was my best friend. We did everything together. I hope one day I can share my story just like you. Thank you

    12. This is a very gracious, well meaning and honest article. I lost my dad 5 months ago, he still feels with me, but I know that you have articulated many thoughts and feelings that I feel and will continue to feel. The first 2 months were like a slow motion experience. I believe this is just the kind of article to send onto friends who love you, who loved your dad too and who may also struggle to know the right thing to say, and I’m English. Thank you so much.

    13. I lost my father in a plane crash when I was 15. It was just him and I since my relationship with my mother (they were never married and split up when I was a toddler), was on and off for most of my life. Then after not speaking with her for over 30yrs after his death my aunt found me on FB and we reconnected. She told me that my mom died of cancer in 2009. Thank you for sharing your story, I’m 51 now and still will cry my eyes out when I think about my dad. I do love and miss my mother but since he was my life until died I’ve always struggled with his death.

    14. I love my dad he was taken from us they didn’t help him at the rebuidation home he was alone I thank God I talked to him on the phone the day before Easter Sunday. I talked to him Friday night and he passed away Saturday and that stupid place where my dad was at didn’t call my family right away.

    15. Thank you for this. I’m coming up on the 20th anniversary of my dads death and I feel guilty for still having moments of grief. Generally it’s fine, but close to the date, it gets me. I appreciate you helping me understand that I’m coping fine and that it’s ok to still grieve his loss every now and then.

    16. My father passed away earlier today, 8 January 2020. Oh god it was the worst thing I’ve ever been through emotionally. I had a doctor’s appt today at 4pm and my dad woke me up and made sure I was awake at 2pm. I brushed my teeth and everything seemed normal, and dad had to go to the bathroom. Then we hear a crash, and after that terrible breathing sounds that I cant describe without crying. 911 was called right away but my mother and I could not get the bathroom door open. It wasn’t locked, he had collapsed against it, the EMTs had to take the door off the hinges and I got the terrible news sitting in my bedroom as I couldn’t bear to watch what was happening pretty much. Then the dreaded news. I very much relate to this article, I feel lost, dazed, we are still eating chili that he cooked last night.. I Love You Dad Eddie Ferrell 7 July 1959-8 January 2020

    17. I lost my dad a year and a half ago, I was 26. He had stage 4 cancer… I took a compassionate leave from work and university so I can be a full time caregiver and watch over him. I saw him suffer from A to Z… It was extremely difficult. My dad was a brave man, very determined to do the chemo. He was really positive and was sure to be cured, so was I. But he left 6 months later when he just turned 59. I am now 28 years old and you have no freaking idea how much I miss him. I totally agree with you on all of these points. Life goes on and nobody really cares after a while… and here I am still grieving all by myself. He only survived 6 months after the diagnosis… so much has happened. Right now, every single night I pray, teary eyed, so he can visit me in my dreams. I want to talk to him and catch up, hug him, laugh with him, hold his hand. It’s unexplainable how much I miss him, I wish they had visiting hours in Heaven. Im just waiting for a miracle, I am dying to see him. I am still so heartbroken today and will always be. He was my true hero… I think about him every single day.

      Sorry for your loss. Let’s stay strong.

    18. This is so touching. My dad passed away 6months ago. But I still deny his death in my mind. In my mind, I am still living in my world with my dad. But on the outside, I pretend I am strong enough to resist this grief and I don’t let anyone to be happy with my loss. But sometimes, when someone talk about my dad, my heart aches at that time. I can’t still belive that my dad already passed away. Sometimes, I wish it was a dream. My dad is more than a father for me. He used to be my best friend when no one was there for me, my brother, my everything. We two were closer than anybody even my mom.

    19. Hi I’m jade and thanks for posting this it cheered me up I’m only 13 and my mum died a couple years ago but I used to feel like I was my dads favorite now he won’t even say I love you back I haven’t cried since her funeral because I feel like I have to be strong and crying is a weakness

    20. Yesterday I just turned 12. And so today my Mother received a call stating that my father has died. Thank you and sorry for your loss.

    21. I lost my dad 1 year ago but it feels like yesterday. He was always there for me and had the best hugs. He died by suicide. Making me feel so guilty. I’m only 11 years old.

    22. Thank you for your words. I miss my dad so much. It’s been 3 years and since then I now have two little ones. He never met them, in fact he passed away suddenly while I was in the hospital with my first newborn baby. I have been so busy since then and haven’t given myself the time to grieve. Every once in a while I search the internet to see how others have coped. It’s just awful. And then I also remind myself that I was so lucky and fortunate to have had him for as long as I did. Thank you for writing the truth.

    23. I am 36. I lost my dad and buried my dad last weekend. I feel very sad and as if my life is over. I appreciate reading this advice and i feel i can relate to.

    24. I wrote earlier, but I think I’d prefer to share this story.

      My dad passed from a glioblastoma Brain tumor. He was diagnosed a week before I graduated from college. Now at 25 years, I’ve lost my dad just a few days ago. It all seems surreal to me. I’m going through the motions to hugging people and talking but I can’t yet fully process what really just happened. The night before at 3am we gave his last dose of morphine. I told him that he was surrounded by love and that we all love him. I gave him permission to leave after the third time because my first and second felt almost disingenuous. The third I really meant because he was already in state he would of wanted the plug to be pulled months ago. That following morning around 6am he passed.
      The hardest will be the big life events…I’m worried for my mom and my other siblings. I know Our family will never feel quite whole again – but what helped me is that dads blood and dna is in you. We all tend to be like our parents one day just know that as freaky as it is part of your parents live in you and carry with you. I know he’s in his next journey walking into heaven.

      To all of you reading this, just know you are not a lone. My heart goes out to you who are hurting and you will get through this – just as I know I will. It won’t be easy just know that you will be a strong support system for others when their time comes.

      Much love
      Xoxo

    25. Thank you for sharing,it soothes when you realise you not the only one whose had to endure with the emotions, I especially find it hard after almost 14 years since my father’s passing,and my current circumstances just derail it even more,but hopefully one day,I will share his memory without the resentment, confusion and bitterness I bear with on almost most days. Thank you again for sharing.

  2. Thank you for your honest experiences, I have lost just lost my mother at 31 and trying to process everything – appreciate your raw article

  3. My beautiful husband and daddy to our three boys passed away two weeks ago. Our eldest is 11 and has so much hurt that he is scared it’s not going to ‘go away’. Thankyou for your insight. I will send him your article and talk him through your points. ??

  4. Hi , i lost my dad 1 year ago .. right now i was feeling such a grief that i was searching online for related posts. Sometimes i feel Peace inside , i know he is in heaven but sometimes i miss him so much. Actually this article is so related that indeed you see that you are not alone .

    1. I can relate so much to your comment. It’s soon going to be 10 months since I lost my beloved dad at the age of 53, it was so sudden and unexpected – I still can’t believe it! This is the first time I searched for articles online and this one describes it all so well. It helps, even though only for a little bit. Life will never be the same anymore. It just can’t be, without him around…

  5. My dad has just gone into a hospice , I know I will loose him soon, I am 49 and he is 80 but a very active and clever mind and he so wants to live longer and its killing me the thought of loosing him , this was lovely thank you .

    1. I saw your response and had to reply to this. I flew to Arizona December 16th 2017 to help my brother rehabilitate my dad after a fall. He had broken his hip. He had been taking chemotherapy and was in remission we thought. While I was there trying to get him back to walking I noticed it wasnt working and he seemed to be weaker than the day i got there. We found out the cancer had spread everywhere, whole skeletal system, his whole body. Within one week he could not get up. We set up hospice and my flight to cone back home was January 8 2018. He died January 9th. That us not all. I had to put my mother on hospice the day that I returned home. My brother flew here to help my sister and I with mom. We stayed with her in her room for 3 weeks until she passed on May 5 2018. Thus is all so traumatic for me I feel so sad. I can’t bear this pain. It hurts so bad.

      1. Dear Colleen, I am so sorry for the passing of both your parents within months of each other. There is no getting over the pain, only a very very slow acceptance of the reality that life has changed and will not be the same again. I lost my parents a year apart, my Mom January 2017, my Dad January 2018. I am 55 and I still needed them. People say, well they had a good long life, but I don’t care how long they live or how old you are, it has no bearing on the depth of pain you experience in their loss. I still want my “Mommy &Daddy” and I had some wonderful parents. I miss my Mom’s hugs most! I think I am doing pretty well when all of a sudden, I am propelled back to the day of their death and I am as much of a mess as in the first weeks after. Recovery is not a steady or straight road, it’s rocky and winding and you fall off quite often, but I tell you everyday that passes brings me closer to the eternity that they now know. I rest in God’s promise of Jesus salvation for our souls if we just believe. God Bless all whose hearts are broken from losing a parent(s).

  6. I lost momma 2 years ago. Today a lady and I assumed her daughter walked into a restaurant I was at. The older lady looked just like my momma. I just began to cry. My dad and husband didnt know why. I excused myself and went to the restroom. Eph. 6: 1-3 came to me. I composed myself and went out and paid for their meal wrote that scripture on the ticket. And left
    Then I searched for how to handle loss of a parent. Found this and had an aha moment like never before. Thank you

    1. My mom pass in march it’s been hard I try to talk to friends but they seen to pull away telling me to go forward and move on but they don’t say how and I need to be put on meds what happen when wards off what do I do so I keep praying to God help.

  7. Thank you ❤
    I often sit and wonder if how i feel is normal i dont like to talk about how i feel as it is but the day my mun called on a saturday at 7 in the morning i knew something wasnt right, please dont come to see us today dad doesnt feel well, the doctor has been and doing some tests, ( 7 am they know more than there letting on) ok sure mum everything ok yes dads breathings not the best dont worry maybe a infections or could be more my dads always been a hard worker worked 6 long days a week to give his family everything needed.thats when it hit ok mum keep me updated, i remember the day passing me by in a blink of an eye i went out with my finace had drink tried to forget and enjoy myself, monday comes back to work. dont want to pester waiting for the next call.
    Hi love doctors results are back its lung cancer dads not been to well for a while but didnt want to worry anyone. ( why not all alone we could help) ok whats the next step how does he feel is he fit? Unfortunaly each step of the way through treatment my dad kept it all to himself he’s always been the head and strong one of the family he insisted he was ok no pain killer’s needed keep on hes fine, the hardest part was watching him go though chemo and all the treatments to find the tumors shrunk however 4 weeks later it grew bigger than ever before it was the most fastest strongest tumor and there wasnt anything they could do.
    I find out im pregnant happy and sad waited years of trying for this to happen now wrong time dads gonna miss out so confused.each milestone scan sex, was a big stage for dad shirink spread.
    Days pass by i give birth prematurly to my little boy perfect an beautiful.
    Unfortuantly he was poorly being 6 weeks early in a critical condition scarieay part of my life with my boy, dad wants to come and meet him, hes had radiotherapy best ro keep him away. Dad was devastayed to which i completly understand.
    After a week and half hes released from hospital all fit brill i went back to work after 7 week’s, in my eyes grandparents/ my dad got to spend all that extra time he will eventually miss out on.
    15th October 2016 dad takes a bad turn, cancer has spread all over not long left a couple of hours spending hours makeing sure hes comfy giving everything he wants the random meals ice lollies were his fave at this point, mcmillan advised to give morphine end of life care.
    21st octover 8 am still no food no water doctor confused how hes managing to stay alive maybe hes got some bad terms he wants to settle, i dwell on it realise its my little boys first birthdays 7th november i never forget suggesting to the nurse maybe hes holding on in guilt still to this day, i dont want him to suffer we will bring his presents round and pretend its his birthday 22nd October. Mum says to dad 11 at night on 21st freddies first birthday tomorrow dad say oh i thought it was soon have we got his present ready mum replies yes of course battery car all charged ready.
    22 October 6:00am dad says carol is freddie 1 today, to which mum answers yes its his birthday smiling he goes back to sleep, 45 minutes later passes away beautiful but sad however the more time goes on it gets so much harder i feel im alone and it i talk to someone what if i never stop crying xx

    1. Hi Emma,

      Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry for your loss. You mentioned at the end there that you’re finding things harder as time goes on. You might find it helpful to reach out to a bereavement charity – Cruse Bereavement Care offer a free 9.30-5 helpline for people who need support with grief. They can also help you find in-person bereavement support in your area, and help you broach the subject with friends and family. You can call Cruse on 0808 808 1677. Outside of office hours, there’s also the free Samaritans line: 116 123.

      In both cases, the person on the other end of the line will be trained to help you and listen without judgement: it’s always okay to cry. Anything you tell them is confidential.

      I hope this helps,

      Kirsty from Beyond

  8. Thank you for this article. I just lost my dad last night (I am 39, he was 68) and it helps to know I am not alone.

  9. …missing my best friend, my daddy, gone five weeks already. This week I’ve been a huge mess, it finally “hit” me and I’ve been crying from the sadness and heartbreak I feel…. He was only 72 🙁

    1. Just read this. Looking for advice or just anything. Lost my dad 4 was ago. He had a cardiac arrest at my house. Did CPR & he was in the hospital for 2 weeks. I have never hurt or had this pain in my life.

      1. I Lost my dad 6 days ago the same way – cardiac arrest did cpr until ambulance arrived but he died within the hour just after we got to the hospital I’m also 3 months pregnant and am not sure what’s normal to feel and what’s hormones he was only 63

  10. I lost my dad friday just gone (4th may 2018) just feel numb.Hasnt sunk in yet…I.miss him already x

    1. I am so very sorry for your loss. I want to share with you that I lost my Father 14 years ago, it still feels like yesterday. That is not what I want you to do, I want you to keep the love, the happiness. all the happiness he brought to you and talk to him all the time, tell him how you feel, all the happiness he gave to you and so much more. Tell him you LOVE and always will always tell him that when you talk to him. I hope this helps. If I have said anything you didn’t want to read I am so very sorry I did that.

  11. I lost my dad when I was 15 and my mum a year ago. It hurts like hell to know they’re gone and people around you will not understand which is why posts like this make us feel united in our grief. For anyone reading this, you may feel like you’re going out of your mind with grief but you will learn to live without those you lose. Not to say it is not incredibly painful, it is. And you’re entitled to feel all of your emotions fully – you must to heal. Don’t be afraid or to proud to reach out to people when you need help and try not to be too disappointed when they don’t get it. How could they?

    Focus on the good things life has to offer as much as possible, baby steps… x

    1. Im 50 years old. I lost my father a month ago. It’s a sudden death. No goodbyes. My heart is broken. I really don’t know how to go back to my normal life. I miss him so much! I have my son and my husband! And im so thankful to them for being there and understanding. My husband witnessing my suffering because of my dad’s passing. And it also breaks my heart seeing my aged mother to feel the pain of losing her husband. Im really lost! I really don’t know how will i cope. It feels like a part of me died. I wish it didn’t happened. I wish my father is still alive. So, my family will be complete and happy! But i know it’s impossible. It really hurts! It’s very difficult to move on… So God help me!

  12. Oh my. I’ve never seen something this relatable ever since I lost my grandma and grandpa. They raised me since I was a baby and I lost them 4 years ago, leaving me stuck with my biological mom and stepfather. It sucks since I always consider my grandparents as my parents, nothing is ever the same anymore. It’s like I’ve had my share of happy begginings and whats left are just the sorrow endings.. And i’m only 24 when they left, didnt even cry when they die, trying to be tough as duck. Eventually I cry as I dreamed of grandma, who I was so close with, wanted to call her when I woke up and realized I cant. And yesterday my friend sang an old song for fun, which turns out to be one of the songs that grandpa used to play every day in the morning… I burst to tears and I wish I could come home to them, but I cant.. Huge part of my life went buried with them leaving. I never stopped griefing, even if my friends dont care anymore. It never stopped hurting, everyday I’m just surviving..

  13. My Daddy has been in hospice for 1 week, but in and out of the hospital for over a year and a half. His kidneys stopped functioning last night. We are blessed that he has not been in any pain. My pain is awful. I treasure my last moments with him. I’m physically ill. I’m scared. I want him to be able to breathe again. It’s so hard.

    1. Praying for you Tammi. Please enjoy the time you have left with him. I feel your pain having lost my Mom end of May this year.

    2. My advice video as much as you can. Ask as many questions as possible. Say I love you and have them say it back. Talk about future what they’d tell their grandkids and what they’d tell you. Video holding hands and talking. My Dad
      Past away November 14th 2018 and I’m up 1 month at the time I got the call from nurse 1:00am trying to find help from the pain.
      So I wrote him a letter.
      1 month
      Today is 1 month since you have been gone. I find myself up at the time I got the call from the nurse that things weren’t going so good and that they were transporting you to the hospital. I find myself crying remembering how the doctor met me in the little room to say they couldn’t do no more and that you had passed away. I remember holding your hand and head until there was no more warmth left and crying more. This month has been a very sad and lonely month for me. The hardest part has been getting news or being upset or wanting to get advice and reaching for the phone to try and call you but then remembering that I can’t and man that really really Sucks!!!! I guess Dad I’m trying to say that I really truly love you and miss you so much!! I thank you for leaving me the scripture in the room, it means a lot. I’m so glad I was fortunate to be able to spend so much time with you your last few months and I’m so glad we both knew without a doubt that our love was for real. I thank you for being the best dad you could be and for the example your life ended with. I sure hope you got your answer of Why me Lord and that God said it was because you remembered him and He remembered you!! (James 4:8 come near to God and he’ll come near to you.) I’m so proud to say I’m Fred Jones’ Son!!! Say hello to everyone for me. And know we miss you so much!!!
      Love always,
      Your son Chris

      After writing my letter to dad this morning
      My scripture was psalm 34:18 and Philippians 4:7
      Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted, he saves those who are crushed in spirit”.
      What this scripture is highlighting the fact that God is close to us through our most difficult of times. He truly cares about our feelings and troubles. Phillipines 4:7 tells us that when we pray, “the peace of God that surpasses all understanding guards our hearts and our mental powers”, so when we are suffering, and feel like our heart is broken and we are hurting inside and out, pray to God for this peace and he will be close to us. He will get us through our hard situations.

      Thank you God!!

      Chris

    3. My advice video as much as you can. Ask as many questions as possible. Say I love you and have them say it back. Talk about future what they’d tell their grandkids and what they’d tell you. Video holding hands and talking. My Dad
      Past away November 14th 2018 and I’m up 1 month at the time I got the call from nurse 1:00am trying to find help from the pain.

  14. It will be 2 years this Friday since I lost my Dad. I feel suffocated at the loss many days. The struggle is real, and it changes you. At times I feel a lack of energy, and socialize very little. Many would not know how I really feel in the outside…I put a good front up, because of the lack of understanding by many.

    1. Went to see my father who had dementia. My mom called me on 07/17/2018 that he was not doing well from a fall. In a non-respomsive state. We left for right away at 8:00PM. Drove through the whole night until daylight started to appear, at 6:30AM on 07/18/2018 when my mom called while driving from the day before non stop to tell me my father has passed. Still 9 hours away. the tears came down my face driving in the dessert nothing but endless highway. Pulled over to a rest stop and fell apart helplessly. Kept driving arrived at 4:30PM. Feeling so empty. He kept asking for me. Knowing that I was not there tears me apart. The funeral was on 07/23/2018. I was counting the hours after he passed until all moved in such a pace I could not keep up. Before you could blink a eye the time is passing by now over two weeks since he passed. I feel alone, empty, and completely miss him. Finding myself driving by all the houses we grew up in remembering. What is wrong with me? I know I need to move forward. Its just I feel so lost in this world.

    2. Hi Evelyn,
      So sorry for your loss, you sound similar to me, I lost my Dad suddenly 2 years & 1 month ago.I still can’t come to terms with it happening. It’s been awful beyond belief like you say no one understands- and the worse still is no support has made me very depressed at times.We have to put up a front I find work a struggle as don’t really get on with them.

  15. Thank you for this article. I recently lost my father 3 weeks ago. He was only 59 and I was 16. We were vacationing and it was just so random and unexpected. I miss him so much and I just want to get a message from him saying “Good morning beautiful! How are you? You want to meet for dinner tonight?” But I’m not and the thought kills me. I miss him so much and the sadness is unbearable. The thing that gets to me is the fact that his dad lived to 100 and he always said how he will live to be really old too and I never worried about him passing at such a young age. We realized he had some health conditions, which he never told us about… He was just such an amazing person and I loved him to pieces. He was such a goofy and happy person. His smile was the most precious thing… really was the most pure and bright smile I’ve ever seen.

    1. Sammy I just lost my dad at age 59 unexpectedly just like you. It’s completely awful and devastating. It’s been a little over 2 weeks. It’s just now hitting me the reality of the situation and I’ve been a crying mess all day. He had heart disease which was unknown to anyone because he didn’t go to the doctor. Then one day that was it for him. I feel for you and just know you aren’t alone. Peace and love for you during this emotional time.

    2. I lost my father a little over a week ago. I live in Florida and he lived in Maine. Due to the coronavirus I cant even be there for my Mom as she is going through this hardship.

      I spent most of my 30 years alive hating him for how he treated the family. He had a lot of trauma from both physical and emotional sources and now looking back on it all I wish I could tell him i forgive him. I hope he knows that was the reason I visited him after I left at 22 and came back at 28, not to see him after that either. I never told him that but I really hope he knows.

      He passed due to a seizure finally taking him. They were bad over the years: arm broken, teeth shattered but finally it got him.

      I love you Dad.

  16. Losing my father at this time. Hate watching him suffer. Can only be with him for a short while before I leave cause I can’t handle this.

  17. Thanks for this, lost my dad 7/12/18 one week exactly before his 70th Birthday on 7/19. It has been a whirlwind, a bad dream and when you wake up reality smack you back to hell. I doubt my faith, doubt our souls living on. Tomorrow is never promised and I too have gone over and over about what if? My heart is heavy and I’m exhausted here in this life. It is a natural order of the world but having him ripped from us is just unfair. Dad was supposed to be around for many more years since my mum was taken by Cancer just three years and six months earlier.

    I cannot do this, feel the guilt of smiling when I see my daughter and my parents are not here. I know that they want me to be happy, but I cannot stop feeling guilty without having them here.

    1. Its tough especially when the second parent was expected to be around for many years and I can feel the pain. I do not have a clear purpose of living.

  18. Thank you for this. I lost my dad last week. Still feels like a bad dream and I still can’t belive or accept it xx

  19. I guess I am weird to check it although I don’t know how serious my mum’s condition is. I beg to God my mum will live happily for many more years because she deserves and because I am egoistical. I want her longer by my side. God bless her.💛👼🤞👑👠👗🦌🐾🐺🍀🌲🍾🍉🍿🍟🎆🏊‍♀️🏖🏝🏥🌄🚇🚗🚣‍♀️🛳⚓🛌🚽🌒🌞🌩🌠🌬⚡🌈⛄💡💸📭♿🔝♐⚕♀️
    I love u mum 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😙

  20. My father is gone, and I can’t believe it. He was the best father ever. Thank you for letting me know that it is alright that I have a few negative memories of him that this is normal because nobody is perfect! Truly most of my memories are positive. This has been very hard, and I think planning the funeral will be even more stressful. After reading this, I will need to find a nice funeral home that we can do a service at.

  21. It helps to know we are never alone, Thank you for sharing your story. Nearly three weeks, this is hard. No matter how prepared you think you are, its like being emotionally submerged. Just got to learn how to swim back to the top again.

  22. Lost my father.. It’s been 6 yrs now. Not gotten any easier. Havent passed a day without hurting and crying. About to loose my father in law now.. doctors have stopped all treatment just relieving pain now. If not for my son I don’t know how I would go on. I tend to keep things to myself and dislike doing to others what I dislike…asking every day how’s he doing..I try to be strong and one break down in private..don’t want to inflict more pain when everyone must be hurting this bad . I know God knows and I don’t need any one else to know.. but it does hurt in addition to all this when I overhear people, ma in law declare how hard hearted and indifferent I am.. doesn’t help with the guilt.. with the grief …with the burden of living.

  23. Last week, on 8/22/2018 I lost my dad, my best friend, my everything. He is the most important person in my life and that will never change. I feel that I can’t breathe without my dad and I don’t know how I will be able to survive without him. I wasn’t ready to lose him, I think no one is ever ready, but my dad wasn’t sick, although he was 89 years old, and in October he was going to turn 90 (I was really excited and already planning this big event). I’m 41 but I realized you are never old enough to deal with this kind of pain. I know I’ll think of my dad everyday but I deeply hope time smooth a little bit this pain. I’ve never felt this way. I feel so lonely, so out of place, like I don’t belong anywhere. I’m just breathing but the best of me is gone. I have never loved any one the way I love my daddy and at the same time I feel guilty because I have a good husband but the love to my dad is greater than anything.
    Dad I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

  24. I lost my dad 5 weeks ago…my mum has t’s me today she doesn’t want anything else to do with me…I am devastated as I was very close to my dad and feel she has always resented me

    1. I am sorry Catherine for your loss. My dad passed Feb 27, 2018. My mom left a message telling me we can no longer speak to each other. It all really hurts. I am the only living child of theirs , as my brothers have also passed away. I miss my Dad. I miss his smile. I miss the sparkle in his eye.

  25. On this day i lost my dear mother this morning i received a phone telling me to come to the hospital ASAP, but I was too late she had already passed away. It’s strange how death can take hold over your senses and emotions when you hear those words ”your mother has just died.  I am now left with only the memories from my childhood and how great she was a loving mother, I knew she wasn’t going to see through 2018 her health had weakened over the last few months and I had to cope knowing that the end was near for her. So the message that we all need to learn is tell you’re loved how much you love them each and every day. 

  26. I lost my Mum today as well, her health was getting worse each day and we all knew she wasn’t going to make it she was 76. I am glad she’s now at peace and she knew how much we all loved her. God bless you Mum xxx

  27. I have recently just lost my mother as well. I am 18 and she was 44. The part that gets me is that she passed away on my graduation day. It felt like my world was crumbling. That day was supposed to be filled with happiness and excitement, yet i could barely walk down the stage to receive my diploma with breaking down in tears. She was my main motivation to do well in school, I jut wanted her to be happy and proud of the good work she put into me. Not having her there made it seem like everything was pointless. It has been couple months now and still have this constant sadness. I just wish to hear her voice or see her smile or to cuddle on the couch wit her as we always did. The pain I feel is exactly how you have described it. Thank you so much for this post.

  28. I lost my dad at the age of 9 to suicide and it just hits me sometimes, because I think about all the things he will miss, such as walking me down the aisle. This has been so relatable and I feel like I am no longer alone in this.

  29. Hi all its a tough road I tell you. It hurts like hell even now 4 years after a devastating loss, my anchor is not there and I wonder what I am living for ? I mean do I really have to do the same things ie get a job, buy my groceries and so without really a purpose?

    The grief is manageable to an extent but the purpose is still up there

  30. It was 32 yrs ago Sept 16th 1986.i was exactly 2 1/2 months from my 7th birthday when I walked outside with my dad.as I’d said to him “I’ve got a drawing for you let’me get it.i ran to the door soon as I had 1 foot in that’s when the 1st five shots rang out. I immediately turned round & ran back outside when I did The 6th & final bullet struck my forehead(i’ve still got the scar today.)as I reached my dad who’d been shot all 6 times in the back he was still alive,but fading away [email protected] that very moment I knew that my childhood had ended & I instantly knew what death & what horrible things can & do happen in this world.. I ran back inside to get my brother (he’d just turned 5 on July 1st (1981) exactly 2 1/2 months to the day prior to that.)I woke him up & said come with me now..we walked to his bedroom window & looked outside & saw our dad Layin face up still clinging & fighting to stay alive.he rolled his head towards the window & he saw us.he immediately became almost @ peace & looked as if he accepted he was dyin,but once he saw us both together safe & sound. He relaxed even though he was fighting for air & life.i ran outside told my brother stay inside I got to my dad in enough time to say & tell him “I love you daddy.we’re safe & sound.”He looked up @ me &tried to speak,but couldn’t. His normal body color has now turned from a suntanned light-dark brownish white to a lightened grey.his blood had left his body as I could clearly see the ever expanding pool for underneath him come out rapidly to me.he gasped a few times then he just stopped. It’s now Sept25th,2018.I’ll be 39 on Nov 28th.my was dad had turned 30 on April 1st (56-86).so he was alive for 30 yrs 5 months & 15 days.. My son just turned 6 on April 25th this yr.Same age as I was when dad died.it hit me hard. The worse part of this is that I lost both parents that day.my bio-mom had (along with her then bf & his brother in-law) orchestrated to kill dad for his life insurance policy.for $20,000 my dad lost his life so they could buy drugs.dad had switched the policy to his parents right b4 he’d died.growing up we weren’t (brother & I)allowed to talk, ask,mention, or say his name. I learned bout my dad from my friends parents.I’ve still yet to cry @ his grave.bio-mom has been out since Dec of 2014 along with ex-bf. The trigger man is up again in nov. I’m the only 1 that goes to the hearings.i don’t expect Tony (brother) not do I have any hard feelings for him he was there & lived it just as I had.but nobody else goes just me Thats it.my gf tells me I’ve never dealt with it prolly true. I’m just soo closed off & unable to let ppl in that it’s ended many relationships.i’m very detached from feelings & am quite cold to ppl.i do cry @ times while I’m alone.it doesn’t get any easier with time & age cuz I’ve lived beyond him by almost 9 yrs now.

      1. Thank you for sharing your story. My father left unexpectedly when I was 19 and it shattered my world. Honestly it felt like I lived out of my body for years. He loved his children with all his heart. I am so grateful to have had the time i did with him. Him leaving has certainly been a catalyst for me to grow in ways I just wouldn’t have if he were still here. I still see him in visions and dreams. He made my dreams come true and because of him I will always follow my heart and stay true to what is right. It is because of him I found the strength in the Lord to leave a domestic violence situation with my two boys. Even though he’s not been here for 19 years this November, he’ll always be right here. Thank you Lord, thank you!

  31. I lost my father just a few months after I turned 11. I remember always being in the hospital with him, never knowing what was going to happen. He was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer and something else, which eventually spread to his brain. He was set to come home on his birthday, but he passed away the day before. I sometimes forget how to control myself and emotions and everything falls apart, but that’s a part of life. Best wishes -Lyd

  32. My dad passed away just over a week ago. Having been through other bereavements of both my in-laws and my brother in law, I knew dad was dying in the summertime. I recognised all the signs but it still hurt. The anticipation of what was to come was so sore inside of me. He declined very quickly and passed peacefully in hospital. Now I am grieving and fluctuate between all sorts of emotions. Thankfully I am well supported by family and friends. Reaching out to others has proved a life line. I genuinely feel for anyone who feels they have no one to talk to. Reach out if you can. Bottling things up never helps. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel. Hurt, pain, anger, frustration, love, hate even! All emotions are valid, even the ones we are traditionally taught to stay away from! Remember too how resilient you truly are. Give yourself a little bit of credit for getting this far! Know too that even though things are tough at the moment, it will get better. You will feel differently in time. You can learn to grieve a loss without being consumed by the grief. You are amazing and you deserve to be happy once more.

  33. I lost my dad two weeks ago. I feel guilty that I am not more outwardly upset. I loved my dad dearly. He was sick for several years so I am glad he is out of pain. Selfishly I want him back but know in my heart he is better off not being here in pain.

  34. Thank you for sharing. My father just passed away on Friday and even though my mom died 16 years go, I find myself still trying to process all of this loss.

  35. My mum has passed away on the 16th October and I got to the care Home 1 hour too late. The last two days I have been ok thinking that my life will be different from now on but then tonight I just long for Mum to be here. I know she was 92 but the pain is very much here and hurts so much. I long for her to just say hello again. The funeral is so final which is next week and I am dreading It for I am arranging it with my daughter and son. This article is so good for I don’t feel so alone

    1. I lost my dad very suddenly nearly two years ago. It’s him so much every single day, I feel guilty I wasn’t a better daughter, and I don’t know if he knew how much I love him. I feel so lost without him, it’s like nothing matters as much if he’s not there to hear about it. I don’t know if it will ever feel any better or any less like a nightmare 🙁

  36. I have been “living” without my daddy for 9 months now. Just don’t know how in this world I will ever feel normal again. I go theu the day with a smile… no one knows my heart is just in pieces.
    Also very angry with my mother. She was horrible to my dad before he passed. He had parkinsons and dementia. Still knew us which was good. But she was evil. I cant get passed that. She wants us (my sister and I) to be more involved with her but I cant brin myself to feel the way I used to about her. We used to be very close.
    I just should have done more to help him.
    My prayers are with you all who have lost a parent.
    Thank you for this article!

  37. Thank you for sharing, you are amazing even though I felt exactly the same stuff you have talked about but I was not able to put it into words like you have and being able to read what I feel has given me a sense of peace a little weight off my shoulders. even though I am at work and trying really hard for no one to notice my eyes getting watery. I should have read this when I was alone and I could have let my guard down. I hope you stay strong and happy, I will try to do the same 🙂

  38. I lost me beloved Dad last October 26th 2017 of an awful death with pancreatic cancer. His death still hits me at some point everyday. Anything can set me off, an Elvis Presley song, a memory or even someone that looks like him. I was so close to my dad & more than anything I miss his voice, his chuckle when he laughed & his very dry sense of humour. He always gave his honest opion about any problem or dilemma we had. My 3 boys always talk about him so fondly& tell me times they spent with dad & my mum. He was an amazing grandad, so loving & patient with them, always giving them hugs & telling them he loved them. On the 1st anniversary of his death on the 26th we had his headstone fitted & we all went up there as a family. It was incredibly hard & upsetting to see the words written on it as apposed to visiting a wooden stick. It made it so real & his death so final. I wish for anything I could have one more day with him to tell him what a beautiful person he was, loving, caring & always there for me no matter what & I know I will grieve for him for the rest of my life on Earth, I just really hope the pain gets a little easier as time goes by but for me even a year on it still feels so raw & painful but I am so thankful I was able to have him in my life for 48 very special years years as his very proud daughter.
    Sending love, care & special thoughts for anyone who is grieving a parent & struggling to come to terms with their loss & the grief they are feeling
    God bless you
    XX

  39. My father passed away October 18. We were extremely close and talked, texted or video chatted everyday. He meant everything to me. He is always on my mind and as much I want to keep busy. I still find myself starring off in space thinking about him, his voice, and the times we spent together.

  40. I lost my Mum suddenly nearly 5 years ago and lost Dad 5 weeks ago to an extremely aggressive cancer. He coped well with it but at the end he went from OK to dying in 24 hours. I wasn’t prepared. I am 49 he was 74. It’s my 50th on Monday and my grief is just building and building. I am single, have a son who has just had their 1st baby 3 weeks ago. Christmas is looming large. My son and his wife are spending Christmas with her Mum, Dad and siblings and I can’t help but feel hurt. I adore his wife and get on really well with her but I resent this, especially this 1st Christmas. My heart physically aches and I am on the verge of tears all the time at what basically feels like the loss of my family. I hide this from my Son as the last thing I want to do is guilt trip him in any way. I don’t drive so I will be alone on the day. I’ve never been alone on the day before. I won’t be able to visit friends (not that I would want to intrude on their family day) and there is no public transport where I live on that day.
    I feel selfish, needy, sad, depressed and so lonely. I just want my parents back.

  41. I lost my father 2 weeks ago and I just feel numb. I didn’t make it in time in the hospital either and couldn’t do anything but just say “Pa” when I saw him there. It was so difficult making decisions and funeral arrangements in behalf of my family. I also feel like I have not grieved yet as after his death and until now, we have to attend to our mother who has Stage 2 Angina. Hearing her cry for my father is a different heartache altogether. There are times I feel like crying and times where I feel like I am OK. Mostly, I feel empty. I’ve been thinking a lot lately mostly of the what’s ifs and the memories. I’ve really tried not to question God’s will but still find myself asking Him “Why my father?” I am back at work this week but will constantly worry about my mother who is beyond any reason right now. I understand her grief and her losing her half, it’s just making everything more difficult for everyone. They’ve been together everyday for the last 41 years. I want a lot of things right now and what I want the most I can’t get.

    Thank you for this article. My condolences and hugs to everyone who lost their parent/s.

  42. I am so sorry for all of your losses. I lost my father on November 14th and his funeral was yesterday. I am 42 years old and my father was 84 years old. Everything moved so fast that I am now realizing that he will not be here for Christmas, my birthday, his birthday, Father’s Day. I no longer have a dad. Someone to confide in or share any big news. My heart is broken. I also realized in this week in a half how so many people share my pain and had it for much longer – years. The pain will never go away and I need to learn to live the new normal. I was blessed to be with him when he passed. He looked up like he recognized a loved one then looked at me with such love and peace then looked away and passed. I will never forget that day and being there was very healing for me. I wish you all the best. We cannot feel bad for being human and losing a part of us for the remainder of our lives. Being a parent, I believe they want the best for us and will always be with us in our heart. Never let go of that and God bless.

  43. Thank you for this. My mum passed away very suddenly just 9 weeks ago. I am 42, she 58. I live on the other side of the world to the rest of my family & so had to rush back home & help sort everything out (I am the oldest of 5). Since I came back to where I now live I am so angry & I don’t really know why. I feel like no one even wants to understand what I am going through. No one here knew her, so they don’t know what she was like, or what it is like for me. I feel super alone & don’t really know what to do.

  44. My father passed away yesterday, at the age of 87. I haven’t seen him since June, because he lives in Canada and I moved to England many years ago. I didn’t expect to feel so much pain! He was weak and so tired, and wanted to die and be with my mom, who passed away 2 years ago, so for him it was a blessing. But oh my, I never knew I would feel like this. It’s been so helpful reading this article, and sharing so many stories and memories. Thank you – I was afraid that I was being weak and foolish to cry when I am 59 and supposedly grown up. I just never knew how hard it would be. Thank you all for sharing, and God’s blessings to you as we walk this road together.

  45. I lost my dear dad 3 weeks ago and this post was very comforting thank you for sharing. I like to think our loved ones will always be a part of us no matter what x

  46. I lost my dad 2 years ago. It was completely unexpected and I was across the country when it happened. All I can say is that the pain never goes away, but somehow your body gets stronger, so you learn to live with the pain. Your life will never be ok, it will be different.

    Just be thankful you had a parent or parents that loved you so much. You feel this pain because of their love, which is beautiful in itself.

  47. I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer last May, I honestly didn’t see it coming. He was healthy and fit and then after battling cancer for under a year since his diagnosis, I watched my Dad slowly waste to nothing standing by him in his final hours of life. The day before was my wedding day, so lucky he managed to watch me and my Husband get married and see me in my wedding dress in the comfort of the hospice.

    I’ve actually suffered from PTSD and anxiety since my Dad passed away, hit me around 2 months after… I then fell pregnant with my first born 6 months later and found out I was carrying…a boy! My dad may have left physically but now I have my little prince who I am truly blessed to have as my son. He’s the reason I try my hardest to keep strong, even though I am still grieving for my Dad. He would of been the best Grandad ever!

    I’ve lived through the highest highs of life and the unfortunate lowest of the lows, but I wanted to share my story to show that even though we’ve lost these amazing people we’re so lucky to have as our parents, that there is positives in life, we’ve just got to wait and like they say… ”there has to be rain for there to be a rainbow”.

    Thank you for reading my story.

    Jess

  48. All of this is very true. I lost my dad almost 5 years ago and I was only 17. My dad unexpectedly died of a fast growing cancerous brain tumor that neither him or us knew about. As time goes by I miss him even more.

  49. A beautiful post. I can relate to much of it. I lost my dad last in Sep 2017. Grief is a complex thing. I was numb last Christmas from the shock. This year the numbness is gone. I am more aware of my feelings now both good and bad. I live in Australia. My mum in Scotland. I think this Christmas might be a little tough. Like the original post I have developed an appreciation for all the good my father brought into my life. The grief brings our mortality from being on the edge to centre stage. That in itself can be a good thing. I find I am now getting on with what is important.

  50. I lost both of my parents 20 years ago. My mom had Alzheimer’s disease at a young age. My dad killed my mom and then killed himself. I have been through all of these emotions listed above. I was angry and sad for such a long time. But it has gotten better over the years. But after it happened I went into a deep depression and wanted to die too! I still suffer from anxiety and depression but it’s manageable now! I still miss my parents with all my heart! They were amazing people! It took me a while to let anger go but now I just think of fond memories. It has gotten less painful. I just wish I had that mother daughter relationship and the daddy daughter relationship too! I’m just glad to see I’m not alone in all this! Many prayers to all of you for losing your parents and all the pain you are going through!

  51. I lost my dad one year ago and I can’t get over it, however, reading people’s comments and experiences has made me understand that grieving process is actually painful and difficult to manage. Even though I am still grieving my dad,I understand that as humans we don’t live forever and it’s important to appreciate life.

  52. I lost my dad in the 13th December 2018, due to advance cancer and severe stomach ulcers, what hurts the most is, he’s passing is so sudden & it’s only been 2 and half months, he’s been sick and the doctor didn’t even know where is the primary cancer started..I’m trying to cope with everything since he’s passing, I have to be strong for my mum, brothers and sisters..I don’t have time to mourn because I have been busy with all the arrangement for his funeral and I even started working because I have lots of work to be done..after his funerals and and some of my work done..the sadness and the emptiness I fell were more stronger..I cried alone every night when I’m alone but I try to not cried that much in front of my family..I am so close to my dad, and knowing that he will never be around anymore is hurting so much.. sometimes I blame God for taking him away from us this soon eventhough how much we prayed,..I still remember my dad said if he has lots of money he wants to go to Jerusalem where Jesus was born but I know God has better plan for him, he stops his pain and suffering and even better he will go to heaven with Jesus by his side…
    Rest well now in heaven pa, no more pain and sickness , we will love you forever and pray for you everyday…till we meet again

  53. I’m not sure how I ended up on this website. I was feeling really sad. No real reason I should I suppose. It’s Christmas time. My children are happy and healthy. I have a good life. It’s just that I have this darkness that follows me. This sadness and emptiness that used to be filled with the love and joy my mother filled. I lost her 3 1/2 years ago to brain cancer. She was the center of our families universe. My best friend, my cheerleader, my confidant, my world. Then, suddenly she was gone. Nothing has filled the void. Not the books, the therapy, meditation, or anything else I’ve ever tried. I just haven’t ever been able to experience the same kind of happiness since she left. I’m afraid I never will. The world has moved on, but I have not. How does anyone really move on? I’d love to know.

    1. Savannah I am so sorry this happened to you, I can’t imagine how you felt, for your mom to pass on your graduation, you poor dear. I’m sure she raised you as a wonderful person and just be proud that your mom was part in you graduating that she loved you so much and cared that you would walk across the stage to receive your diploma and how proud she is of you. I know it is damn hard and very painful, I lost my mom in 2015 and I still feel the pain. I also lost my dad when I just turned 11 to a car accident, so all I had was my mom, and it tears you apart, just be kind to yourself through your grief, and go to someone that you know to hold you and that you can talk to and cry with, and get some grief counselling. At any age you still feel the grief I’m 56 and I still have days where I cry for my mom.

  54. Sadness and guilt affect me a lot , bouts of private crying overcome my feelings of loss for my father just 2 and half months ago.
    I hope it passes with time.

  55. It is a second day now,my friend told me, yesterday I wasn’t feeling anything, but now I’m breaking down every second, he was all alone, waiting for me every day, alone in another country.

  56. Thanks for this article. It’s been 3 months since my father passed away and it’s been tough. The first few weeks I was feeling strong mostly because I dedicated myself to taking care of my dad everyday during his last 4 months, so I had this feeling of comfort in knowing that I was there for him all the time and gave him my love and attention. But the pain comes and goes, not a day goes by where I don’t think of him at least for a moment, but some days I spend hours thinking and reliving his last day, thinking about my life and how it’s going to be without him and so on. It’s really hard losing a parent, and talking about it with other people sometimes feels like they just don’t care or don’t understand.

  57. Hi thankyou for your words, I am 37 years old and I lost my dad on the 20th November 18 so only month and a half ago, I have been keeping busy with work and housework, I have tried being open with my family about my feelings but I don’t get the reaction I hope for and it makes me hurt even more, this Xmas hurt a lot as it was the first Xmas I had invited my dad round for Xmas dinner with me, my husband & kids and unfortunately he didn’t make it, so my husband made a place up for him and we had a toast in honor of my dad which helped a little but what I would of given for him to be there! But the day went as well as could the kids had a great Xmas which is all I ever want.
    I don’t know if it’s because the new year is coming up and I’m anxious of what’s to come and worrying that one day I will forget him or I am finally accepting that he’s gone, but I am finding that it is getting harder every day, am I alone or is this normal I just don’t feel like anyone in my family understands how I feel, I can’t even talk to my brother about it all cos he just gets on with life and acts like nothing’s happened his attitude is you can’t change anything!

  58. My dad passed away about a week ago and I’m 16 going on 17 in a month or so, and I miss him so much, but just reading this really helps me…

  59. Reading the comments on here help me. I lost my lovely Dad two months ago and miss him so much. I’ll never be the person I was. I spend all my time thinking about him suffering in the last few weeks of his life. Why can’t I focus on the fun times we had? I feel like a huge part of me is missing. How do I move on and live my life when he’s not there to talk to or share things with? It’s hard but I carry on because I have to.

  60. Thank you for your page, its helped me. I lost my dad a year ago today. I honestly thought i was on top of my grief but tonight as it draws closer to the time of his death I cant help but feel so angry so short fused, snappy and full of sorrow all over again…. I was with him when he passed and cant believe how quick a year has gone without him… we was two peas in a pod, daddy little
    Girl, best friends … i miss him soo much x

  61. Thank you for sharing your journey. I lost my beautiful dad 17 days ago. I am number and don’t see how I will ever be happy again. I miss him so much. Your emotions resonate with me. I hope that with time my numbness fades.

  62. You’re brave to post this and everything you said is true. I lost my dad when I was 14, I am 16 right now. I know this is wierd to think about but I’ve been depressed lately because I think that he won’t be there to walk to down the isle when/ if I get married. I miss him so much it’s almost unbearable.

  63. My dad passed away at April 4th 2018. Two days befor I turned 15. He was my best friend and I miss him so so much. Reading your page and the comments showed me that I’m not alone with those feelings. Greeting from Switzerland.<3

  64. Thank You so much for sharing! I am 51 and I lost my dad 12/25/18–today is 1/22/19.. I am reaching the 1 month mark..I feel like at times I just won’t to stay in bed, where my mom is wanting to get things done and clear the house of his clothes..(seeing them hurts her) To me I feel like I am erasing him….everyday i go over there I come back with another box. 🙁 I was a daddy’s girl..Reading the comments and your emotions let’s me know Im going to make it eventually!

  65. Thank you. i feel exactly the same and i can relate to everything. I just have no interest in my life anymore. I feel like i dont have any purpose to live life with excitement..i just wake up as a zombie..its been 3 months since my Dad died. I have not cried since..we were the thickest in our family and i can never accept him to be not in this world.

    Thanks for ur article.

  66. A little over an hour ago, I received the phone call that my father had suddenly passed. I stumbled upon this post through a search on what to prepare for emotionally as I know this empty numb feeling will give way at some point but I haven’t even shed a single tear, and all I can respond to my husband’s questions is I’m ok, when I know I’m not in these moments. This post was comforting in this nightmare of an experience. The loss of my father is starting out a oddly differentexperience, compared to other loses I’ve been through.

    1. Dear Angel-Rose, we’re very sorry for your loss. There are no rights or wrongs when it comes to grieving. It’s normal to go through various emotions and stages. You can read a bit more about what you might experience here:

      Our thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.

  67. Mother’s Day in 2018 I watched my father die violently unexpectedly in front of me. I did everything I could to save his life. I was the only one with him. I can’t breathe sometimes. I go to counseling and see pastors. I am on anti anxiety medicine, I can’t sleep. My neck kills from the stress. I can’t accept this. I’m dying inside without my hero. I’m balling my eyes out just reading this. I don’t know how I’ll go on without him. Anytime something breaks in my house I burst out in tears because I would always call him. I am helpless and dead inside.

  68. Thank you for sharing your story. I have lost my sister, 2 brothers, my dad in 2013 and now my mother October 7 of last year. The first couple months I was in a fog. My doctor changed my antidepressant. Thanks giving day I almost had the meal complete then I realized 30 minutes before the meal was ready that I hadn’t unwrapped the ham and got it started. I was then I realized I hadn’t done it because my mother had called me starting early in the morning to let me know when to do what. I had a meltdown. Heading into Christmas I just didn’t want to deal with any of it or anyone. My husband just made things harder constantly reminding me of just how much I was failing at my life in his opinion. It seems as though it’s harder now that the holidays are over. I have felt so many different emotions I never thought I would feel. I thought since I had experienced death before this would be the same. It isn’t. I am the last one left. I had been in and out quickly at my parents house but 1 day I needed to clean out the fridge. I did and cleaned the bathroom. I sat for just a second then all of a sudden out of nowhere I realized that all of the sounds of my childhood is gone. The sound of when my dad came home for lunch through the carport door which wound cause the next door to rattle so we knew he was home. My brothers coming in and everyone sitting down at the table for lunch and it was a huge lunch Monday-Friday. The sounds were gone the smells were gone. Everyone and everything gone just like that. I feel as though my young life left with them all. Although I am 45 and I haven’t lived at home since I was 18 then briefly at 22 after my divorce. Since then I have remarried and bought several homes. Their home was my home. My first home, my no matter what home. They brought me home from the hospital in 1973 to that home. It was small, nothing too fancy but it was filled with so much life and love. My comfortable, safe place. Now it is empty although still full of material things. I haven’t been able to move her cigarette package or her water bottle by her chair. Her purse is still in the same place. I would get so frustrated with my mother because she kept the television on blaring 24 hours a day. I would say for her to turn it down. It was going to drive her crazy…..now I know why. The silence would drive her crazy. She already knew the sounds of life were gone. I know understand. My mother was diagnosed 2 years earlier with rectal cancer and decided to not seek treatment. I think my grieving began that day. I seen her declining and growing weaker everyday so I knew. I wouldn’t bring her back if I could. I have always been the strong one, the problem fixer the one that handled it all. Now I can’t fix myself. I never realized anyone could grieve this way. Some days I cry some days I’m angry. I don’t want to be around anyone. I stay busy cooking for my husband and kids but the slightest little thing can get me then those damn feels come. I haven’t burdened anyone with my struggles or grief. Why would I? I am a problem fixer and I should be able to fix myself right? I feel as though no one understands but your story let me know that you do somewhat. These feelings are so hard to explain and this is the only way I have been able to explain it to others in my life. It’s like an old barn in the pasture. Missing boards and they continue to fall off. Then one day a poke breaks and the entire thing falls. How could one pole keep it up and together although it was already damaged? I feel like my mother was the one that kept it all together for me. I hope that I’m not the only one that feels like this because that would me I was crazy right😜. Just wanted to share just in case someone needed to know that they aren’t alone or crazy.

  69. Hi I recently lost my dad in November 2018..and to top it off I lost my mom one week later so losing two parents in one week..I don’t know who to grieve for I seem to grieve for my dad more than my mom doe’s that make me selfish I did love my dad with all my heart and I miss him so much..I love my mom and miss her with all my heart but my dad was my life he understood me more plus I was a daddy girl sorry for ranting but I miss them so much sometimes I think life is pointless without them am I wrong..

    1. Hi Mary I am so sorry to hear about your parents. I lost both of mine but they died years apart. What you are going through must be beyond heartbreaking. But please don’t give up on yourself or your life. Your folks would want you to keep going. it seems you had a very close bond with both your Mum and Dad. Their lived their lives through you and so they continue to do so in spirit. Remember Mary your Mum and Dad have gone no further from you than to God; And God is very near! They are on the inside track now because they are with God but they are also with you. Your Mum and Dad are closer to you now than they ever were even if you don’t feel it. I will pray for you Mary and I will light two candles for you Mum and Dad. Keep the faith.

      Best regards
      Conor from Ireland

  70. I lost my mother Friday, 2/8/19, I’m only 15. My mother fought a long battle with severe medical issues and it’s so hard to think that she is gone. One second I’ll be fine and smiling then the next it’s as if the thought sinks in and it forces tears out of me. I remember talking to her that morning before I went to school.. when I came home.. I found her. I called the police and my father. I will forever have that image of my mom in my mind. Her death was so unexpected, we thought it was gonna be another normal day. I had planned to have my bestfriend over for a movie night… I never expected that I would lose her…

  71. Just found out that after my dad died from pancreatic cancer just over 6 months ago my mother has been living a complete lie. I get the attachment thing after 51 years but find it increadible she is lonely and has been being fleeced by African internet Romeo conmen. Turns out she has been having an internet romance with god knows who, 3 years before my father died and was fully terminally diagnosed. She has been fully conversing with these parasites, lying about all of us and saying how much we are a problem to her, and how much a waste of her life was married to my father. I can see now that the grief she was showing in my fathers final days was just guilt, my uncle is disowning her and I am soon to follow, RIP dad, I love you, sorry you were blinded by a complete bitch, you deserved better.

  72. I lost my dad and my sister a year ago and it still feels so new. I can’t believe that they are gone.We made such a wonderful family together but that pain…I think I will forever live with it.

  73. I’ve read every comment in this thread and just wanted to offer my condolences for all of you who have experienced loss or a bereavement however it may be. I lost my Dad in November 2018. He was ill for a while but on the road to recovery. Unfortunately he suffered a long line of strokes caused by the varicella virus that eventually affected his brain. As a family we were with him every day, for the entire 3 weeks of which it took until he met his unfortunate end in a hospice. It was really difficult, the entire period of him being in hospital for 2 weeks, suffering mutliple strokes, seeing signs of progress, then massive dips until the decision was made to withdraw treatment. We watched him go blind, then suffer an immense case of accelerated dementia. The nights were long being by his side in hospital, taking it in turns to be there if only to reassure him that we were there, or offer a family voice or touch of the hand in comfort. My Dad was 63, took early retirement in 2018 with plans to tour the world with my Mum. It’s just so sad how life can end so suddenly.

    Which brings me to the relativity of this thread. I knew my Dad was ill, but his death was very sudden and took us by suprise mainly because it was such a rare case of what he had. We’re still waiting on a post mortem report to determine what exactly happened. I sometimes struggle with my emotions, in the sense that i don’t feel anything?! During the time he was poorly and we were by his side until the end, i cried alot, i mean ALOT. I never wanted to see him pass away as knew it would have been a very traumatic experience but in the end, i saw him take his last breath. As a family we were all with him, as you can imagine it was incredibly traumatic. I’m 35, have a brother 18 months older and one 2 years younger. We were all with him when he died, to be there for him and my Mum who held his hand until he stopped breathing. It really was traumatic and one of the most traumatic things ive ever witnessed.

    Since then, i feel that i’ve changed. I don’t cry anymore. I sometimes get flashbacks of that moment like when i’m driving, or hear a song and have recently been waking up as if i’m in a dream of his last moments. I then try to shake it off and move on. I’m worried i’m suffering from PTSD, but have had counselling on CBT previously which has helped massively. Unfortunately following my Dads passing, my work place weren’t as supportive as i’d hoped and told me that i’d had too much time off. So i’m now currently job searching, while grieving but at the same time i feel like i’m keeping myself positive.

    I guess my question is, is this normal or should i expect to suddenly break down at the checkouts in Tesco one day, when i scan the wrong product?

    Sorry i don’t mean to make a joke of my situation and offend others, but sometimes that is what makes the situation more bearable.

    If anyone else has experienced the same feeling of “i’m ok, but worried i’m not ok” syndrome then please let me know how you’re getting on!

    I’m 35, young, single and no kids so i’m worried that at some point it’ll all catch up with me.

    Sending love to you all xx

  74. My name is kasten wallona i lost my dad november 8th of 2018 he had canser i would love to be back home to him again my mom and i arent getting along after his passing. He was a fisher back in the day he loved to go hunting he loved his kids. I loved him to death when he passed away i cried on his body im dealing with grief its hard to deal with. I miss him so much

  75. Thanks a lot for sharing this post, it really helping. I just lost my father about a few months ago, and i’m only 15 this year. I also lost my mom when i was 9. When i first lost my mom, my dad always be there for me. He used to entertain me everyday. And make me feel quite more better. And when i lost him, there is no other person that entertain me like he used to. My siblings aren’t live with me anymore, i live with my grandma. But, sometimes she can be a lil’ bit too hard for me. So, i’m all alone. I’m not ready yet to tell my friends about my true feelings, also other people.

  76. Thank you for sharing. I lost my father 3 months ago, and my emotions seem to differ day to day. Initially it was shock, and sadness. Now I really miss him.

  77. I lost my lovely Mum to cancer in 2001 she of course was my best friend as well as being a very supportive Mum I still have dad who is 86 and we get on really well

    I recently sadly lost my Aunty to stage 4 breast cancer she was one in a million and because I lost my own Mum who was her sister I am able to support my cousin who nursed her Mum right up to the end of her life

    As always when you loss a loved one you are still at the numb and at the disbelief stage and then planning the funeral as someone said you are in auto-pilot mode

    It’s only when the funeral is over and people greet you say to you how sorry they are for your loss then that’s when the loneless grips your suddenly left on your own with your memories

    I believe people should stick with that person till you know they are ok and strong enough to move on themselves I hate when some well meaning friend says to someone you are strong you’ll get through it these words are you worthless and very cruel

    I had a friend who decided to say to me this is not long after I lost Mum you will just have to get on with it and life goes on, how two faced can a person be, she lost her Mum long before me and I was supportive and kind to her I listened while she cried got her out the house, when I was going through the grieving process she wasn’t there for me, we are sadly no longer friends I left her in the past

    I have found friends at work and if someone has lost someone I am there to listen and help them I made two new friends at work and was there for both one losing a Mum and the other a favourite and much loved uncle that’s when you are strong when you are able to help someone eles through grief it works both ways

    I know the pain loneliness and wanting that person back each person is different and goes through the grieving process differently it’s not a thing that should be rushed

    Don’t say be strong, don’t say that’s life, it’s time you got on with your life, that person maybe going through depression and even thinking about sucide so don’t ignore it help them listen let them give them your shoulder

    You can’t be there 24/7 but you can keep in touch go for lunch I said to my cousin that I will go with her to the cemetery with her when her Mums stone is redone both her parents photos will be on the grave stone

    I am a caring person and hate to hear someone close to me is in pain its horrible and a lonely time

    1. Amen , Gillian !
      So sorry the world can be so cruel sometimes . Ppl can be cruel .
      I am 34 years old & thought I was full of wisdom , strong etc … then my dad got suddenly sick & passed within 6 days . While trying to deal w/that , my aunt passed . Loved her so much .
      My big brother & roomate passed of alcohol poisoning weeks later , only weeks !
      My mom who was always there for me was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer three months after the loss of my brother , her son . She is gone now , four weeks .
      I have no family here now & it’s isolating , lonely & scary . When ppl tell me to ‘ just move on ‘ … I want to scream ! If it were that easy , we wouldn’t be on this site . Prayers to all of you . God bless & help us all .

  78. Hey, I’m scared about this honestly. My father is quite a bit older than many other dads of friends and I know that. My dads health has slowly been deteriorating for the past 4 years and it’s getting to me. Sometimes I think about what would happen or how I would feel. It just gets worse and worse everyday and deep down I know that it’s going to happen but I dont want to admit it. Is there any advice I can accept to help me through this situation when it happens? I love my dad with all of my heart and I just want to know how to handle it. I would really appreciate the advice. Thank you.

  79. I want to use this opportunity to share my story. I lost my daughter four years ago she was six years old, she died from a fire outbreak in the kitchen. My heart was broken, I felt responsible for her death and the guilt was too much for me to bear. I met a spirit medium he helped me get closure, I was able to talk her, hear her voice once again it felt good. But it wasn’t enough, so he did reincarnation of my daughter. I gave birth late last year I could see the resemblance in my new baby girl. I am recommending him because he’s very effective and compassionate. If you need his services mail him ;
    You will not regret contacting him.

  80. I lost my dad last month and I lost my mom 4 years ago. I always felt I have fully grieved but at times there are tidal waves that comes without warning and afterwards I feel little bit better than before.

  81. I lost my dad when I was 16, my grandmother when I was 21 and my mother when I was 25. Basically, I am alone. I have no family anymore. It has been two years since my mother died and I sometimes feel like I want to die and join them. They have missed some very important milestones in my life and I couldn’t enjoy them fully because I kept thinking “how I wish they were here, they would be so proud of me, maybe they can see me from somewhere, I wish it were true”. The holidays are especially hard. Everyone celebrates with their families and I usually end up stuck alone in my apartment or working. I just want to confirm that every single thing in this article has been 100% true for me personally. It is difficult, but it helps to see and hear from other people sharing the same unfortunate experiences with death. Bless you all and stay strong!

  82. I lost my dad about a month ago and this article really helped. I hate that all of you are going through this pain, it’s not fair and I’m so sorry for all of your losses. It helps a little to know I’m not alone though. I feel less lonley, but I still feel so lost, like I took them being alive for granted. Even though I know it’s not true. I wish there is more I could have done.

  83. Lost my dad June 2018, I was his caregiver for the last five years while he battled a slow but tenacious type of cancer and I didn’t realize that my identity had become so defined by the desperate fight to cure him. Prior to his diagnosis we had a rough relationship but we became best friends over the last five years, we spent hours together every day. When he passed I like the rest of you felt undone. Now after six months I don’t hurt 100% of the time anymore and I don’t feel depressed. I just feel undefined and adrift like I as an individual don’t exist anymore. Everything that I feel I should care about seems trivial and meaningless. I truly don’t know what to do or how to get my motivation back.

  84. I lost my dad today and i cant stop crying there are moments when i focus on something else and after that it hits me again more powerfull. I still cant realize this happened and ii feel like his not home because he went to the Shop

  85. I feel you… I lost my dad 10 years ago! My life changed fully! After 10 years it is not a single day that I dont think about him. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety and cry for him. I miss him so much! I kept the pain in my heart for a long time, I pretended I was strong! For my mom!!! Everybody thought I was fine! And I wasn’t. I still deny that he’s gone! From the moment he died I started thinking he is just in another world! This helped me with the pain and fear of losing him! But after 10 years, I still cannot accept he is gone!!! Whenever it appears real to me, I panic and start crying!!! Oh God!!! It’s so painful…

  86. I lost my dad 6 weeks ago. I am devastated. I have tried so hard to be strong for my Mother and my brother and sister but I am not doing well at all. He was in ICU for 2 1/2 weeks slowly dying. I had to sit in the hospital for 8 hours on that last day, slowly watching him pass. Several times his blood pressure dropped to zero and we thought he had passed and suddenly it would start again. The nurse that day was very cold, she finally came in and said it would be any time now. I am very angry at my husband, he lost his father almost 2 years ago and I was there for him. I loose my Father and he has not been there for me at all. I told him about it and he just told me he isn’t that way. He makes comments about my family members, like I am soo sad (sarcastic). My feelings for him are changing. I feel like I am not being allowed to grieve because I have to take care of my family. I don’t know what to do.

  87. Hello, Today I has been one of those days for me. My father died 3 years ago and it hurts today just as much as it hurt the night he died in hospice. I miss him so much. Thanks for sharing.
    Elizabeth

  88. I just turned 18 in April. My dad passed January 25th and it’s a little scary how much I could relate to this. Thank you, this helped a lot

  89. Yep i am 12 and my dad died 11 days before my first birthday so i don’t remember him much.But i do have a whole chest full of things he had like his army uniform,watch,briefcase,and some of his rings.I just want to let you know that you are not the only one that has lost a loved one.

  90. I lost my dad when I was 16 I’m now 39 and I still live with pain of sadness. I always feel so alone and he doesn’t get to share and if my grown up life with me. I’m a single mom now if 2 and I think some how the lose if my father has gave me some type of life to were I feel every man leaves me at some point and never truly loves me. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like it’s all because I can’t grieve properly or I ever have right for my father.

  91. I lost my Stepfather 14 yrs ago (to me he is my Dad, the only one who loved me, took care of me, was always there for me and loved me with all his heart and so very much more) He was my Dad. It has been some time ago but it still feels like yesterday, I love him so very much, I miss not seeing him miss him talking to me, I miss the sound of his voice and I miss hearing him say “I love you honey”. I miss all his hugs and kisses. The pain I feel is so very strong so painful, every day. Daddy was the only one in my family who seemed to care for me at all. I had 4 sisters and 2 brothers (one brother passed in 1996 we had a great relationship) relationships with others were really not good. My relationship with Daddy was great. After I lost my Daddy my relationships with my other family members got very, very bad it was due to the loss of my Daddy. There is a very long story about that so I won’t go into it. They were very nasty to me most of all my mom and it just got to the point that I needed them out of my life even my mom and that is how it was, I told them all to leave me alone, they needed them no longer in my life. I wanted nothing to do with them any longer. That has been 14 years ago and still remains that way. I don’t miss them, I love the drama no longer in my life that we always had. My mom was the cause of a lot of bad things. I miss my Daddy he left me 14 years ago and the pain feels all the time is like yesterday. I don’t mind it at all. It is like he is all I have left and if that keeps him with me then I that is what I want so much. I look at his pictures, talk to him and just cry. The fact I lost him is so very painful. Some times I don’t know how to tell any one about the pain I feel. I love talking about my Daddy because he was such a wonderful man. Thank you for letting me share this.

  92. Today is my birthday and I’m surprised by how much I miss my parents. I was 19 when my father died and 31 when my mother died. It’s odd how hard and randomly it can hit you, that overwhelming sense of emptiness, even though I have my own wonderful family. I think as I get nearer to the ages they were when they died, it’s impossible not to feel guilty about outliving them and recognizing through my adult eyes how young they really were. I suppose grief never really goes away, it just changes shapes.

  93. I lost my dad just before christmas 2018 to cancer, It hurt like hell seeing him go in such a cruel and painful way.

    6 months later I am still struggling to come to terms that I will never see him again, or hear his contagious laugh anymore, or sit next to him and chat and watch movies. I can really relate to this article, including picking on him between me and mum as he was the only man in the house, and just like yours he took it all in his stride as he knew we loved him.

    Despite what I saw as strict rules when I was younger which made me a little rebelious in your younger teen years, looking back I definitely had a very loving dad who would do absolutely anything for me and the hole/void that’s left is still incredibly painful.

  94. my dad died today this afternoon around 2pm. ive been preparing myself for his death since he had his first stroke in 2007. i feel like ive gone through the gamut of losing him already (my mom died when i was 14 so i knew what to expect in a way). im not going to the wake or funeral because i want my last memory of him to be when he was alive. i thought id be pretty prepared for it but not so much. hes at peace now though so thats a good thing.

  95. It’s been 11 years since my mother died. I held her hand while she died. She had been in poor health (and attitude) for years. My grief was not really like anything described here. Mostly I was happy for her to finally be free of the emotional pain and physical struggles she’d been suffering with.

    My father had been in great health for decades until a few months ago. Tomorrow he may die. I can kinda feel it coming. My parents divorced when I was 17, but I really grew closer to my father the past 20+ years. His passing is going to be a lot harder on me, on several levels. But his strength and courage have been very inspiring to me. I will strive to put that inspiration to work the rest of my days, no matter what happens tomorrow.

    Dealing with my mother, and now my father, one mantra has really helped keep me anchored: THIS is the natural order of things. Our parents are supposed to die before us. The other way around is far sadder and more disturbing. It’s okay to be sad, and to miss them, and to go on. It is the way it’s supposed to be.

  96. I’m 17 years old, and I lost my dad on 7/17/19. So, not too long ago from the time I’m writing this. Our relationship is quite special. He was my father, but he was also my friend. I wasn’t expecting to lose him so soon. He had been in the hospital for the last month before he passed away. Our last talk was over text on the 7th of July. I’m really glad to know most of these feelings are normal. It definitely took a few days for reality to settle in for me. I try my best not to cry in front of others, but it’s hard. I still message his Facebook account sometimes. I know he’ll never answer, but I like to tell him that I’m thinking about him. My heart feels broken beyond repair. There was so many things left unsaid.. so many things we didn’t get to do together.

  97. I’m 30 and lost my pops 12/19/18. He was my best friend and was always there for me when I needed him.
    I agree 100% with everything you’ve stated. Nothing NEVER prepares you for a parent’s death, even if you see it coming.
    I’ve been experiencing hard emotions never felt. I NEVER had tension headaches until recently. Been having dreams about him telling me, he loves me and that whenever I need to get something off my chest,”just talk because I can hear you… ”
    I’ve been wondering if he still exists somewhere, wishing and hoping it’s true since i’ve never been a believer of the afterlife. But the thought that you’ll NEVER get to see or hear your father again is just…unbearable.
    I feel a part of me died ugh.
    I love and miss you Pop, always will…

  98. Wow thank you so much for sharing those powerful words, I lost my mom 1 year ago and altought we saw it coming (she had cancer) nothing never fully prepares you for that moment. I am extremely touched by everything you said and especially by the part where you wrote about when you’re ok and suddenly the feeling hits you. Nowdays I feel fine when I think of her, even if it hurts every once in a while. <3

  99. This article was posted 2 days after my father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, when I was 18, like the author. After a friend’s wedding and the dreaded (for me, at least) father dance earlier today, I scoured the internet to look for ways to incorporate him into my wedding and came across this article. Of course, as a single 19 year old, I won’t be getting married any time soon, but I couldn’t help thinking about what will happen when the day comes that my father is supposed to hand me off to the man that will promise to love me forever. While this article doesn’t particularly address that, I’ve found helpful advice written in its whole. I can really vibe with a lot of the points in this article and feel like someone finally understands what it feels like to lose such an influential figure when it seems like you need him more than you ever have. It has given me confidence that one day, it will have been 11 years since he left this broken world and I can look back on the past 11 years, and nights like this where I’m sitting in bed crying about how he won’t be there with me walking down the aisle, to help those who are in the exact spot that I am now, just like you have for me, by writing this article. Thank you.

  100. I know this is for people who have already lost their parent but I just had to comment ..we found out my dad had cancer 3 months ago by the time we knew it was already spread to his bones we found out yesterday he’s got 3 months max left with us ..I can’t bare to think of my life without him it’s devastating and I don’t think I’m going to cope atall my life has fallen apart I just don’t want to go on ..how do I get through this

  101. Thank you so much for this. I know this article isn’t new but I just saw it for the first time after googling “my dad died and I want to be with him”. My dad died very suddenly September 19, 2018. I can’t believe how much it hurts still and how much I miss him and hate the fact that this happened to him. I wish so much I could know for sure that he still exists, just differently. I’m terrified I’m wrong about the afterlife and will never be with him again. I can’t imagine how I’m going to live the rest of my life without him. I talked to him every day and saw him every week. He was my best friend, and no one else on Earth loves and believes in me the way he did. I don’t know who I am without him. It’s hard to remember how other people don’t understand..my partner was annoyed that I was crying about my dad, saying how it’s been a year and I have to get it together. I’ve been better, not cried in front of him for a few months, I just couldn’t stop it tonight. His dad is alive, and he’s not even close to him. He could never get it. I just wish I had someone to talk to about my dad, who sort of understood. My aunt, my dad’s sister, is somewhat helpful, but she lived thousands of miles away and didn’t talk to him as often as I did. And he wasn’t her dad, obviously. My sister didn’t know him like I did. She was too busy being a workaholic. She misses him, but she wasn’t as close as we were. I just feel so alone and sad. I just want him back. He was such a good, kind, generous, compassionate person. He didn’t deserve this. I wish so much it could’ve been me instead. I just don’t know how to get used to this. It doesn’t feel like my life anymore.

  102. I lost my beloved father yesterday. I still can’t believe it. I really hope the pain and all this immense sadness eases.

    All the things I plan on doing, he won’t be there for any of them. I miss him so much. I’ll never forget him.

  103. Thank you so much for this. My father passed away a month ago I wasn’t sure if I was the only one going through this like you I wasn’t with my father the night he passed in fact my family didn’t even tell me about until two days after and I have been holding in a-lot of regret and pain and guilt I still am I’m never going to let that go but your post helped me. I’m sorry for the loss of your father. I often sit here and replay my entire life wishing I could go back in time and do things over a million different ways but I know that’s not going to happen 🙁 I just want this pain to stop.

  104. I just lost my Dad yesterday and I am up and down about it. He is the greatest man I have ever known. It was expected, but that does not help. I made sure I saw him in a somewhat lucid state. We talked as much as we could, he tried to make me laugh and then he asked “are you going to miss me???” I am a doctor and I know what that means when an ill patient asks that. I have come so far in life and right when I am finally there, he isn’t. It is hard not to take on the blame, feeling that since I know the medicine, I could have saved him. I knew there was nothing I could do and that he is in a better place free of pain, discomfort, disappointment and despair. In my religion I know he has made peace with God and he is now with his parents and baby brother, but I had a moment today when I was like, “ I wanna call the Old Man” but I then realized I will never be able to do that again. I hope in time I will be able to have more smiles than just confusion, but I have to hold it together to help my Mom to move on. If anyone reading* this does not mind sharing, I am curious as to what we’re your experiences when your Dad just newly transitioned? Thank you.

  105. I lost my dad a few months ago. He was very tough on me and my sister. Even so, I loved him very much. My sister is a wonderful person, like my mother. I don’t know what people think of me but I feel like I understood my father. He wanted the best from us and for us. He worked very hard and was a good role model in that respect. He didn’t give much affection but I knew if I ever REALLY needed him, he would be there.
    I think I made him proud. I wish we had more time to get to know each other now that the burden of early parenting is over (I’m old). I didn’t realize how much importance I placed on seeing my Father happy when I brought him joy. Now nothing I do seems to matter to me any more. I just go through the motions every day.
    I don’t know what I feel most of the time. It’s more than feeling empty. We were so similar that I feel like nothing explains my existence anymore.
    That said, My heart Goes out to the young responders. For better or worse, I am grateful to have many years of memories. I hate that people so young suffer this kind of loss.

  106. my mom passed when i was 11. im 13 now. its really hard tbh… if wish i just could see her face and hear her voice on more time. i wish i could say goodbye. that i love her. i have no one to talk to bc my foster parents hate me all because i am ” to smart for my age..” so they say. i need someone to talk to ya know.. anyway gotta go to school now.

  107. My heart truly goes out to everyone here for your losses.
    I am 60, had lost my mom over a year ago which in itself is life changing. Now left with my widowed dad who after 60 plus years of marraige no longer has the desire to be here. Staying strong for him and taking over many duties to allow him to remain living on his own has left zero time for me to grieve for her and has me paralyzed about the inevitable future with the thought of both of them gone. Trying to remain positive and strong for him I am happy to do but at the same time it is so challanging trying to maintain my life as a single with no other family to lean on. Enjoy everyday as best you can…

  108. Today It´s been 5 months my father died and I feel so weak and terribly sad. Your article nicely sums up all my feelings to this day, thank you for your honesty 🙂 because as you´ve mentioned, other people won´t understand so we have to cope with it by ourselves or talk with people with the same experience. We have to be strong!

  109. I lost my dad almost 2 years ago and there hasn’t been a single day when I haven’t of him. I was 18 when he passed away and since the day I lost him, I’ve carried myself so strongly so my mom and brother don’t see me in a vulnerable state. I never talked about it with my close friends or family. I would always poured my feelings to myself at night when everyone was sleeping. About 4 months ago I broke down in front of my friends and they made me realize that it’s okay to feel this way. I always thought I’m doing fine but talking to my friends made me realize that I’m not fine and I need to talk about by feelings. I don’t how I’ll feel in the future but for now even though its going to be 2 years in January I still feel the pain just as it happened right now.

  110. I lost my dad just over a year ago. It still feels so terrible. His death was sudden and I was not prepared to write an obituary and plan a funeral at at age 46. He was 77, got an infection and died from it. My mom is coping better than me. I just want him here and feel sad almost daily about his passing. Holidays are so hard to get through, I feel like I should not be celebrating or be happy because he is not here. I hope it gets easier.

  111. It’s so comforting to see that I’m not alone in this. My dad passed August 1 and I’m still trying to understand all the emotions I’m feeling. I’m a high school senior and it’s tough knowing that he won’t get to see me graduate, even though for all my life he’s been a champion in encouraging me to study hard and make him proud. Even on a normal school night like this, I’m trying to do my homework but a wave of sadness just hit me out of nowhere and I started crying. I miss him so much and I’d give anything just to talk to him again.

  112. My Dad just died on Dec 10th of 2019. And this feels like some sort of dream. I look at the pictures and it does not seem real what so ever. I can not imagine going in the next 20 years without seeing my Dad. My so-called Step Mother has turned on me. Like some kind of black liquid evil trying to wash over me. My wife has been my only savory. This has been the most horrible time I have ever been through. The most fearful part is I can not see the other side nor do I know how I will come out in one piece with all of this hatred.

  113. My dad died suddenly overnight, and I was 18. That was 3 years ago, and I miss him more than ever. I still want to pivk up the phone and call him when I achieve something I know he would be proud of. He was dir-hard dreamer, and he cared a lot about people; so when I helped deliver another baby, started a new job doing in-home care, or was accepted into college, I missed him so much more. No one ever replaces a dad, and the pain is constant.

  114. I lost my father 7 years ago and a half and the first years were better then now…I was on medication, I am still, but I don’t know why sometimes , now it’s worse then before. I also lost my grandmother 4 years ago and I feel a had 2 big parts of my souls amputated . I don’t feel whole again.
    I am fed up of people (including doctors) saying that it’s worse for people who lost their children. I don’t think so because people who lost children have had a life before having children. They have a place to return, memories before children. I will probably offend people saying that but it’s true. I don’t have that time before dad, people who loose a parent have no a place/time to go there. Everything is linked to their parents.
    I cannot escape. There is no refuge for me. Everything makes me think about dad and grandmother. I cannot go the mountain again, I cannot go to Opera again, I cannot ski, I cannot visit places, I cannot eat cakes because I remember them. And I cannot live with so much pain. Where can I go ? I spend nights out in clubs because it’s the only place they did not go. People call me immature and crazy. Can I live in clubs? No. What shall I do ? I cannot cherish my memories with them because memories are like poison. I only can go to sleep and hope that I dream about them. And I do. And when I wake up is worse then before

  115. To Mackenzie Malone
    I am so so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know someone of a similar age that has just lost their Dad. Trust in this – YOU WILL be reunited with your DAD again one day. You just need to reach the end of your own journey, and following that you will be with him once more. I don’t know why people so young have their parents taken from them. It is so so cruel and a despicable act. I recommend you watch the youtube video from Stephen Fry on his opinion of God. I am sure this will help you. Your Dad would want you to live your life until he meets with you again. The day that he will say to you that he is so proud of you for being strong, living your life, and holding on to the faith you would be with him once more.
    You can do your Dad proud and you will. He will be with you in everything that you do. xxxx

  116. (Please can you amend my earlier comment sent for approval at 11.00 pm, 07/01 and spell the name correctly Makenzie and not Mackenzie – thank you).

  117. I’m 33 and I lost my dad 49 days ago. Just like what you said I’m at the stage of feeling guilty and regret about what I did to my dad and it really kills me. I made him lonely when he was fighting for his life. Now I realized how much he meant to me and he was my whole world. I miss him so much and its really hard to accept that there is no way to hear his voice again nor touch his hands.

  118. I was randomly reading things online because I’ve been thinking about my mom the past couple days. My dad murdered her when I was 2.5 years old. He shot her in the face twice in the middle of the street while I was in her arms. The neighbor who was a sheriff came outside to get me. My dad had hepatitis and cirrhosis of the liver. In the trial papers I read he stated he gets weird if his ammonia levels are high. But there was two pages of weapons that were retrieved from the house following the incident. This happened in 1995. You truly never get over it, even if you weren’t very old when the death occurred. My grandparents took me in. My grandfather died when I was 13. The last thing I told him was I hate him and I hoped he died. I was a brat. At 17 I was in a car accident that resulted in the death of a stranger. That is what actually put me into a depression. I took sleeping pills to sleep so I would forget. All I remember thinking was someone lost their mother like I lost mine. I don’t remember 6 months of my life because I would wake up only enough to eat and go to the bathroom. My friend got me up and moving again. But I blame that for why my knees and hips hurt 9 years later. I feel like losing my grandfather was most significant but all of this bothers me. I found myself today wondering what my mom was like. I know very little. I guess it’s on my mind again because I’m nearing my second graduation from nursing school. I’ve processed most of this okay. Besides that brief moment I took sleeping pills to not be awake, I never turned to hard drugs or alcohol. I notice the effect sometimes when I find it hard to make the decision on having children of my own. I feel different than others. Even in college I still feel like I’m the odd one. The pain never goes away.

  119. I lost my dad and best friend almost 4 weeks ago. The first 4 days I was so numb. When I wasn’t helping with service arrangements, It was like I was hovering over myself, watching me go through this pain. Like I couldn’t even comprehend it. I guess it still feels like that. Now I’m struggling just as much. Life wants to go on, but I just can’t. I’m still stuck and lost. I think about how I’m going to deal with this the rest of my life when I need him or things happen and I don’t have answers. My dad was there for me more than anybody and we were so close. I look, act and have lived my life almost exactly like him. It’s not an expression, I really lost part of myself. I just want to talk to him again. He should be here to watch my young kids grow up. God, he was so proud of my kids and I. I feel like we’ve all been cheated out of the amount of time we should have had with him. I love you Dad and I miss you so much!

  120. When I read this forum previously I was not able to read through all of everyone’s stories. I am slowly working my way through them all and I just cannot believe how many really young people out there have lost their Dad’s. Please all of you see my comments made to Makenzie Malone. They all apply to you too. We certainly all should seek comfort in each other’s stories and know that we are in no way suffering alone with loss. We all will make it through our loss together. Much much love to you all xx

    1. Glad I found this site. It has helped reading other people’s stories. Dad died 3 days ago and I’m still going through waves of anger, disbelief, utter sorrow… To make it worse, he officially died of ‘hospital acquired pneumonia’, as did mum 5 years ago. They both went to hospital to get better but the bugs in there killed them!! Although I’m 53 years old and they both had good lives into their 80’s, I cry like a baby when I think of them. Nothing hurts like the loss of a loved one. My heart goes out to all of you also going through this.

      1. I FEEL YOUR PAIN, THE HOSPITAL STAFF WHERE MY FATHER WAS, WERE TERRIBLE TO HIM, I HAD TO BE THERE ALL THE TIME OR CALL, AND HOSPICE WAS TERRIBLE, MY EXPERIENCE WAS NO GOOD AT ALL, I AM ANGRY JUST LIKE YOU, BUT LITTLE BUT LITTLE THE PAIN IS LESS

  121. Hi, I am 24 and just lost my Dad yesterday… I feel so guilty because I have not seen my father in 7 years and not because we fought but because we were in 2 different countries and a lot of factors in and out. We talk on the phone and I remember this video call we had that made my day now it’s the only thing I have. I cannot stop thinking that I took too long and I will never get that hug I dreamt about and the smile and a lot of expectations like I will never be able to dial Super Dad to hear his voice, just to know that he is Ok… I miss him so much I cannot even explain how much it hurts… it really hurts and I dont know depression but it must be this painful feeling that numbs everything.

  122. I miss my daddy he was my everything it so hard am 16 about to be 17 I gust wish my dad would just be here if u did see my dad one more time I would never let him go I would just tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me he touch so many people hearts and I will never forget about him so people say it will get better but it doesn’t seem like it seem like it gets worser and worse this so hard think my dad is gone because I love him two death and every time I think about him I can’t help but cry this is 2 much for me to handle for this age I would do anything to get him back like evertime I try to be strong my dad was the best thing that ever happen to me he would do anything to keep me happen he was an overportive dad [ps daddy ][I love u so much ][fly high angle] you wear the best thing that ever happen to me u will always be the best thing that ever happen to me I will never forget u u will always bee in my heart forever and always

  123. sending you a really big hug – I lost my Dad too and I am 52 but the pain is still so hard and so deep – we are united in our love and our loss xx

    1. My mom just past away a 4 days ago. I am trying so hard to accept it. Every day seems harder then the day before. I think I will wake up different but it will not go away. I try to find peace by reading things like this. It just hurts so bad. You all know the feeling. I cannot put into words how I feel. I just want to go back to normal and I don’t think I ever will

  124. My father died 2 months ago from Dec 10th, 2019. I am still stunned by the event. I was sleeping in that morning when my wife came upstairs crying. I thought it might have been one of her brothers who have died since she has a very large family. But no it was my father, he was 88 and I am 63.

    Two months later and my life still feels like a dream and so has the past two months. Nothing feels real anymore. I just can not see anything getting much better.

  125. I AM GOING THROUGH HELL, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A STRONG PERSON LIKE MY FATHER WAS, BUT THIS IS TOUGH, I HAVEN’T HAVE THE TIME TO CRY MY FATHER BECAUSE I AM AFRAID TO LOSE IT AND NOT TO COMEBACK BECAUSE THIS IS NOT THE ONLY THING I AM DEALING WITH, SO I TAKE A DEEP BREATH ALL THE TIME WHEN I KNOW THAT I AM ABOUT TO LOSE IT, AND KEEP GOING, MY FATHER MEANT ALOT TO ME, WE ARGUED SOMETIMES BUT THAT WAS MY FATHER, I WAS AND AM PROUD OF HIM, AND I KNOW HE WAS GOING TO DIE BUT IS DIFFICULT, I AM ANGRY MOST OF THE TIME, IS A BUNCH OF EMOTIONS FROM MORNING TO NIGHT, I KNOW WILL GET BETTER EVENTUALLY, IT HAS TO. THANK YOU

  126. My daddy died 2 days ago, it was sudden and very unexpected. He had a massive heart attack. I am definitely in the numb, being strong for everyone else mode right now but I just wanted to post and say thank you to all that have posted – your comments and stories provided me with such comfort. Thank you all for reminding me that I am not alone in this.

    1. I feel for you truly hun, mine just passed a few days before yours and the pain is unreal 🥺. Big Hugs💓

  127. On November 25, 1999-Thanksgiving Day, I lost my Dad, my best friend, my mentor in life, my hero. He died suddenly from a heart aneurism, in his sleep. He was 58 years old and I was 28. I had just seen my father the night before when he was sent to the hospital while working at his company. Initially, it was believed that he was perhaps having a stroke. The hospital, who was known in the Cincinnati area to be awful, released him and stated he had low potassium. I visited with my father for hours at his home that night and I was going to stay with him overnight, however, he insisted I needed to go home and then rejoin him the next day with my husband for Thanksgiving. I couldn’t sleep that evening and I tossed and turned all night, as if I knew I would never see him again. I started calling my father at 5AM, his phone was right next to his bed and he never picked up the phone. Panic set in, and I then had the local police division go to his home for a well being check, and it was then that they found him. When they called me to tell me about my father’s passing, my life was instantly shattered into pieces and to this day, I am still picking up the pieces. The guilt I have felt for not being there to possibly rescue him has tire at my heart forever, yet the truth of the matter is I could not have saved him regardless, due to an underlying medical condition, however, I wanted to believe I could have at least tried.

    It has been over 20 years since my Dad passed away and I have never gotten over it. I still mourn over the grandchildren he has never met, over the times I have so desperately needed him and he wasn’t there, over not feeling his gentle hugs, not being able to put my hand on top of his, and over not being able to just hear his voice and laugh.

    Grief never goes away, and as I am writing this comment, my heart is beating faster and my eyes are filling up with tears. My life has never been nor will it be the same since I lost my Dad.

    I feel for all of you, it’s never easy, in fact it’s awful. God, faith, and prayer, has pulled me through this nightmare, and I pray that you will all find inner peace along your sad and difficult journeys.

  128. I’m 47 and lost my daddy 13 days ago and it hurts so incredibly much. My dad was a Vietnam Vet and I was darn proud of him. I was a daddy’s girl from the very start. Unfortunately, he had a rough go at life after that, was diagnosed with MS in 1984 and would later be diagnosed with COPD, CHF and chronic bronchitis with the occasional pneumonia thrown in. He was in home hospice care for the last year and in true Marine fashion fought like a champ almost to the bitter end. You would think that knowing that the end is coming would maybe help somewhat but it really doesn’t at all. The pain is indescribable and I know it’s early days but I can’t fathom not having him in my life anymore, my heart physically hurts 💔.

  129. Thank you for this article. I am 23 and my dad passed away 6 months ago. I don’t really have someone in daily life to talk to who can understand my emotions, so this makes me feel less lonely. I could relate to every single point…

  130. im 18 years old and lost my father on fathers day 2019. it was a month after i turned 18 and i was the one who found him. i was about to go pick up my soon to be girlfriend and i went to wake him up. i touched his arm and it was freezing cold. I started repeating, no no no no, in my head called 911 and they told me to do CPR. i did it until the ambulance came and i saw a tear run down his face. for a moment i thought it had worked or it was some prank. but no, it was very real. my girlfriend and i had to get an apartment in two months at 18, and i soon lost my job 4 months after. we were evicted. now im staying with my fathers sister trying to get back on my feet. my mind is in a dark place and honestly dont know what to do. how she said she couldn’t talk to her father for advice, same issues im having now. reading this and seeing that im not the only one experiencing these problems definitely helped.

  131. I’m am 13 years old and last April my father passed away with stage 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM) brain cancer and I still remember that day like it was yesterday. My father passed away 10 days after his birthday it was his 43th and his birth day is coming up on the 9th of this month so this article really helped out. Because I’m seeing I’m not the only person experiencing these problems.

  132. I miss my Dad so much. I lost him at the end of February this year and feel like I’ve had my heart ripped out. Everything I have ever achieved I did to make him proud and I feel that I let him down. I want him back more than anything.

  133. I’m 24 and I lost my dad a little over a month ago to a horrible cancer. It has been a gruelling journey of denial and sadness. Only now is it really sinking in that he has passed and it breaks me apart.

    Sending my love to all of the other people on this forum for your losses <3. It really sucks. Hearing "I'm sorry" doesn't help me. It just reminds me of the pain I'm in and that people feel bad for you. I have so many amazing friends who have tried to reach out, but I can't bring myself to talk to them, because I feel like they wouldn't be able to understand and I can't bear anymore sympathy. And selfishly, I don't want to hear about how great their life is when I am suffering and just trying to get by. This article was really helpful and these comments have helped me not feel alone in this tough time. <3 Big hugs to everyone out there.

    1. For anyone else out there this may be helpful for- I started writing in a journal as if I was writing to my dad. I write short (or sometimes long) memories, almost everyday addressing to him how fondly I remember him. Whether it be a memory we shared or an attribute of him I loved. I find it very therapeutic and it helps me feel a part of him is still with me.

  134. I am 14 and I just lost my dad, he was my everything. like I never left his side, he put up the best fight to stage 4 pancreas cancer and his fight is over. I am still in so much shock, the day it happened I thought it was a nightmare but then I woke up and I knew it was real. It is so hard when I do something good I want to go tell him but hes not there. I have been rebeling and my mom doesn’t know what to do anymore. I just wish he was here, I don’t feel like myself anymore. I have never been so lost ever.

  135. I lost my mom when I was 21 yrs old. She was only 41 when she had a massive heart attack.. and her miracle, my baby sister was only 6. It was 19 years ago April 16 since we lost her. My dad & mom had been together since he was 16 & she was 13. They got married not long after her 18th bday & I came along 11 months later. We lost our dad when she died bc he didn’t know how to exist without her. He definitely didn’t know how to be a dad without her. He says everything in him died the day she did, it’s the most honest thing he’s ever said to me. He turned to drugs, and chose to live on the streets. I tried to help him many times but with 3 kids of my own I had to put them first. When he did get clean, he wasn’t the man I knew. He let his sister convince him to not have a relationship with my sister, myself or his grandkids. My oldest son had a brain aneurysm rupture causing a massive stroke 4 yrs ago, when he was 20. We didn’t know if he was going to live or not so I called my dad to let him know. He was in his 3rd rehab stint & was so cold. Basically said well did he die?! And then said he couldn’t do anything from rehab. He couldn’t do anything anyway, he wasn’t a doctor. I just expected some kind of sympathy for his daughter, some kind of empathy for his first & only grandson. There was none tho. I lashed out & I didn’t talk to him again for almost 4 years. Something in me told me to try one more time, so I invited him for Christmas. He eagerly accepted & was genuinely happy & excited to be here. He engaged with me & my kids more than I remember since mom died. He calls to check on me & the kids now. He calls just to tell me he loves us. It’s new to me but I am so thankful for our reunion. There was a time I was angry it was her instead of him. Come to find out, he felt the same way. I was no stranger to death when my mom died, I had already lost all 4 grandparents, 2 close uncles & an aunt on my dads side (we weren’t close). Then the hardest since losing mom, I lost my moms sister that was like a second mom to me 3 yrs after my mom. I got married October of 2001, and had a 3rd child with my husband. His family welcomed us with open arms, his mom becoming my mom, his dad being a dad to me, both being amazing grandparents to all 3 kids. And tragedy struck again, we lost his dad, well step dad, 6 yrs later very suddenly & his mom never got over the heartbreak, 3 yrs afterwards she successfully drank herself to death. My cousin died a few months later. My moms brothers wife passed months after that. My husbands biological dad passed away 4 yrs after his mom. Our son almost died almost 2 yrs from then. My 2nd to youngest brother n law, on my husbands biological dads side, died 1 yr later in his sleep at 24 yrs old. Then my moms brother passed. And most recently was my husbands cousin that was raised more like a sister with him, died in her sleep at 27 yrs old. She drank too much, passed out, and choked on her own vomit. She had 3 small kids, they found her.
    This blog is probably one of the most relatable articles I’ve ever read, it feels like I wrote it. It’s weird. Due to the people we have lost & just other shitty hands dealt throughout life, my husband is an atheist & I am more agnostic atheist. I realized death is not the opposite of life.. it’s in the meaning. I once feared death, the unknown.. but I’m not afraid of dying, I’m only afraid of leaving my 7 to mourn me the rest of their lives as I have my mom. I live life everyday making sure my loved ones know how loved & adored they are. Making as many memories as we can. That’s all that matters in the end anyway. Memories.

  136. Hi… i lost my father almost 3 months ago because of several things, a really weird condition called HPN that maked him immunosuppressed, a terrible injurie on his knee that got septic and complicated because of the HPN, and finally because of a heart failure… i’m 25 and sometimes it seems like i won’t ever feel any better, i realized that most ot the time is like there’s a big black shadow over me and my face has forgot how to really smile, and my body how to seriously live…

    Now i feel completely lost and i see my life with a lot of uncertainty… I don’t know how i’m gonna face all the things that comes with life… like fulfilling my career… like continue with my studies… become independent… because now it seems that all my objectives, all my aspirations have faded away, it’s like i don’t have dreams anymore, unless for this time, i don’t know

    My dad was the most strong person i’ve ever met but saddly he didn’t like to show his appreciation, it isn’t like he didn’t love me, but sometimes i feel frustrated because of it, i’d give it all just for a good hug… i totally miss him… i’ve never thought this could happen so soon in my life.

    Thanks for making this spaces to share, to read all this testimonies makes me feel understood.

    1. Hi Marie J. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you’re feeling somewhat better by now. If you’re reading this, I am also 25 and lost my dad a month ago. He was diagnosed with chronic leukemia almost 2 years ago, but was doing well and had been very stable after he started his treament. He passed away due to a bacterial infection that caused sepsis, because doctors only kept him in the hospital for a few days and then discharged him, thinking that the infection was treated…

      Reading your comment, I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you’re feeling. My dad also had a hard time demonstating his feeling, maybe because of the way he grew up. (I generally believe that our parents and grandparents grew up with much less affection that we did.) And that made me stiff towards him sometimes, as well. But I’m a 100% positive that both our dads loved and admired us with all their hearts! They would want us to pursue our goals, go on with our lives and live happy and fulfilled lives. This has become a great motivation for me and I can use it to turn my grief into something good. I will continue to go after my dreams, and share my successes or failures with him, as if he’s still here. This way he will always live through me. Another lesson that his passing taught me, is to never again hold my emotions back. If I feel it (whether its love, or admiration, or whatever it is) I won’t be afraid to show! And who knows? Maybe the other person will reciprocate. Hope this helps, I’m sure you’ll find your inner strenght soon!

  137. 16, lost my mom 4 years ago to cancer, its a terrible thing but I think I’m getting to the point where I’m able to accept that shes gone and have to cherish the memories and I’m happy ive been able to get to this point but at the same time I feel guilty like I got over it too fast and that’s Whats been tearing me apart lately

  138. I lost my dad 6 years ago. I was 9 years old at the time. He did of an accidental drug over dose and I find it hard to not cry almost once a week…

  139. Gear help for me who lost my day 2 days ago to Covid-19!! At 75 years old . He was perfectly healthy with no underline condition s not even blood pressure issue yet he contracted the virus and in the space of two weeks he was gone!!

    The pain is unbearable. My heart felt like it stopped for a minute, my entire body is completely numb, I get chills thinking about him, confusion, etc! What do o do ? How do I continue to live with this pain!!

    I remember seeing and meeting people who mentioned loosing a parent ten or even twenty years ago and I think to myself, is it that long before I get to see him again or will I ever see him again???? Would give anything to make that happen NOW!
    Help!

    1. Hello Victoria, so sorry to read about your father. My father also passed away end of April with Covid-19. He had just gone into a nursing home last November right before Thanksgiving for Dementia. It seems like a bad dream but I know he is at peace and that is what helps me to remember. I hope you are doing well and if you would like to write me I’d be more than happy to respond. Thank you, Pam

  140. (I’ve never left a comment on these websites before but I just had to share my (long) story…)

    Everything said was absolutely on point. I lost my father in 2011, the summer before my senior year of high school. I was 17. Now I’m 26. It was overnight and completely unexpected due to an aneurysm. It changed everything because I was a big time Daddy’s girl (Youngest and only daughter with older brothers..I’ll admit it..I was spoiled).

    But the 10 things are true:

    1) The fact it was so sudden, it didn’t feel real for a long time. Even after school started. 2) I had to act strong in front of my mom because she was devastated and panicking as a stay-at-home mom, so I couldn’t fall apart. 4) I felt at fault because he had symptoms all day that everyone, even he ignored. And we could’ve taken him to a better hospital that might’ve had better equipment. They tried to life-flight him late that night to one, but he was unstable. If we took him there first and sooner, he might be alive today.
    3/6) Childhood memories do fade overtime but I try to remember the best pieces. Like the vacations, his jokes, family weekends, and just happy the little things. It’s hard to keep memories of him but I try to keep them alive as much as I can.
    5) This is probably the biggest.. I’ve never felt so lost. He was my mentor. It was my senior year, so after graduation when I left for college, I didn’t know where to go in life. My mom was lost in her own world, so I was thrown out on my own, too. I used to go to him for EVERYTHING. Advice on life choices because he’s been through everything imaginable, to crying over ex’s and he would crack jokes to make me laugh while tears were still running down my face.
    7)Years go by and people forget. And I’m not going to be that person who brings it up saying, pity me pity me. People would bring up their situation from years ago and forget all the time how I’m on the exact same boat. They cry about their lost parent to me expecting sympathy, but never show support when I’m hurting, too. Some act like those who had time to prep for a loved one to pass is the same as a sudden death. They understand the loss, but not the impact. And the ones who don’t understand the loss, are even more irritating.
    8) I was 17 when he passed… Right as all my big milestones were approaching.. That always hurts not getting to see his reaction. 9) And now my best friend just got married and I was her Maid of Honor. I watched her father walk her down the aisle, give her away and the father daughter dance. Of course I had to be happy for her, she’s my best friend…so of course I was taking advantage of the unlimited drinks at the bar, too.
    10) This is where I struggle and why I came here to see what was said.. Even though it’s been almost 9 years, it still does feel raw and it still does feel like it’s something that I’ll never fully recover from. Some days are better than others, and some days I want to share stories vs grieve. But some days I’m angry wondering why this had to happen so soon while I still have so many unanswered questions in life and don’t know what to do. It’s nice to hear that it’s possible cherish the memories all the time when reminded vs getting angry and I hope that eventually I’ll be able to do the same.

  141. I lost my Dad, 10 years ago. Yes 10 and am just realizing, he isn’t coming back. “They” raise you to believe in heaven, but my Dad’s spirits are here now…But, when you are raised for 70 years to believe you will see them in heaven and realize they are really just gone, it just hits you hard. I am now just accepting that my Dad is dead and not coming back. He may be here in some kind of consciousness. But I will never see him again. I am just learning this and am so sad, that I wont see my Dad again. It’s the hardest thing in the world to know that Dad is really gone and I wont see him ever again. Sunday school should never never ever teach you differently. It’s a hard thing to swallow at an old age. I miss my Dad so much and grieve for him and just don’t know how I will ever get over him and now knowing he is really really gone is so very sad. I have to grieve now, all over again.

  142. Hello and thank you. Part of me is missing with the (unexpected) passing of my father on February 2, 2020. Your post is very much alive for the brokenhearted, like me, who are drawn to this page. I keep returning because you speak to me…and for me…since I’m not fully processing this ugly new reality forced upon me. Your reflections are extraordinary. I’m engrossed in reading the replies to your post too. All I know is I’m not happy and I sure as heck don’t want to let him (dad) go. I’m overwhelmed. My plate is overly full, death aside. Other very heavy issues have simultaneously arisen and demand my energy. I’ve been operating in “survival mode” for months now. My attitude is Get it Done. Inside I’m broken. Thank you for bringing a community of mourners together that we might be closer to healing. The ultimate comfort is in God and the Afterlife. He works through people. No doubt He called upon you to bless our lives.

  143. I’m so grateful I found this site. I pray for you all as we are all on the same journey. I recently lost both my parents within 8 month and both unexpectedly and I truly feel as bad today as the day they passed. I don’t know how to grieve correctly or what to do. It has been the worst year of my life and I’m miserable. People treat you weird and the ones that have not experienced it usually avoid me because they don’t want to see what the future looks like. I have so much guilt, anger and tears. Hoping it will get easier one day, but from what I have read, it doesn’t seem like it will get much better. I will learn to live with the grief, but I am forever changed. They were truly the best parents and I spoke to them every single day – twice a day and I miss them so much. Prayers for you all.

  144. Hello, I usually do not comment on these sites but I just wanted to share my story as I have always felt alone on this. First of all, I am sorry for everyone’s loss, my heart goes out to you. Well, my story is I lost my daddy when I was 3 yrs old to suicide. I am now 47 yrs old. I still have dreams of him even to this day, I still feel him around me and I actually talk to him when I am alone like he is actually there with me. I was always a HUGE daddy’s girl, the apple of his eye. I still have not gotten over it, I remember things about him even though I was 3. When I was a little older than 3 I cant remember exact age but my mother told me we were sitting at the kitchen table and I just out of the blue asked, mom? Whey wont anyone turn on the light for daddy? He is in the dark. She said she was like speechless. I actually saw him sitting in my room next to me when I was 13 which has lead me to be a huge researcher now on the lost loved ones and their visits. I don’t see him now but I do feel him at times. I just wonder am I ever going to not struggle with the fact that he is gone? I have nobody to talk to because I don’t think nobody understands what I am going through. I cant talk to my mom because I do not think she is telling me everything and that’s sad, so I have just dealt with it everyday until I finally met a wonderful man and he listens and has helped me with this big struggle. I guess what I am just trying to say is you really never get over it or people just deal with it in different ways. It is really hard. My aunt, which is his sister sent me a video of him and I and I watch that sooooo much. I sometimes wish I could just see him one more time and instead of being afraid I wish I could ask him why? I believe that is most of why I struggle is because I don’t understand why he left me all alone and didn’t think of me when he did that. Anyway, I could go on and on but I wont. Again, I am sorry for everyone that is going through something bad and my heart goes out to you and your family’s. Thank you!

  145. At 49 I lost my dad July 2019 he was 86. Our birthdays are one day apart..I miss how we would celebrate I treated him to an outing one day and the next day he would treat me. He encouraged me and my 3 older sisters that we could do anything if we set our minds to do it. What a great journey it was! I go back and forth from crying and laughing…the memories are endless from taking me ice skating, him impatiently trying to teach me to drive stick, to the many college tours as an indecisive 16 year old! I smile to know I can drive by a field and know the crop that’s growing, to change a tire, to know the chirp of a certain bird, how to fry fish, the short cuts of back roads where we grew up..and daily reminders of him from seeing a car of the same make/model/color, to hearing him sing like nat king cole, or a funny commercial on TV that he liked. The pain is still there is does get different as a nurse I lamented over what could have I done differently, at the end it was acceptance that my dad was sick, and the man that was my superhero was dying. I prayed for comfort for him..his life did not start out easy but he became such a good husband dad pop pop uncle cousin and friend. As I age and hear of my friends and family members that inevitably have to make this difficult walk I pray we all gain strength and realize how fortunate we were to have them when we did.

  146. I lost my daddy the day before my 21st birthday. It has been 20 years now and I still find it hard at times. I have a lot of regret and its hard knowing he didn’t get to meet my wife or meet his grandchildren. I miss him so much it hurts. I try to encourage others to spend time with their parents. We are not promised tomorrow and when that day comes it will be with you the rest of your life. Be patient with your parents and tell them you love them as much as you can. Make memories with them. Take them out to dinner or to a movie. Let them see your kids so they will remember. Find that special moment that will mean so much to both of you and hold on to it. Thanks for all the stories in this blog. Prayers to you all and your families.

  147. I am 34, I lost my dad 1 month ago. I took him to Cuba, he always wanted to go… I did a surprise party for him just 2 months before his passing.. I made him so happy, he knew and he knows wherever he is how much I love him. He passed unexpectedly due to a heart attack at 75 just one month before my birthday. It was so painful to wake up without his bday message. My dad is my everything. I do love my mom, but my dad and me were the team, the perfect team. We had a beautiful relationship and I know no one will ever love me like he did. I used to talk to him about everything, he was truly one of a kind. I used to dream of my wedding day or having kids, I dont get excited for such things anymore. I dont even want a wedding, I dont want a wedding if my dad is not going to walk me on the aisle. This is devastating, I dont know how I will be able to live with joy if he is not going to be there with me to experience happiness together. It hurts so much 🙁 I am a christian and I think I still believe in Jesus, it is just impossible for me to understand why He had to take him now .

  148. I lost my biological mother to colon cancer in February 2020 and my dad in May of 2020. I am sorry for everyone in this post. It’s hard, I have to take baby steps, everything has changed. I take it five minutes at a time and cut myself and everyone else a lot of slack. We are all on the same road, just different stations.

  149. I am 31, lost my dad 2 weeks ago and nothing in this working prepared me for it. he wasn’t sick and he was supposed to be at mine a day after his died… i kept calling him trying to find out where he was, not realizing he was dead and no one knew ( he lived alone)… he was 65… we had plans to do somethings together when he came around. Still can’t believe he is no more. I am filled with guilt that he was alone when he died, i wish I could have been a better daughter.. reading this post kinda helps knowing this is a common feeling.

  150. Hi All,

    Reading through this blog post really makes me feel like I am not alone.

    I am 26, son, and I lost my father in April, he was only 55 and passed away from the Corina-Virus. It all happened so fast, we couldn’t say goodbye and hospital visits were not allowed. It has now been nearly three months since he died, and I feel like my heart has been pulled out of me, I feel lifeless, but I have to continue. My father was everything to me, my friend, mentor, guide – imagine a world with no sky, that sums up my emotions. It’s now just myself, mother and teenage sister, and, I now have to fill the boots for my father.

    If there is anyone from the UK, and would just like to generally chat, I would really appreciate the company.

    Please do feel free to email me and I look forward to speaking.

    [email protected]

    Kind regards,

    Ali

  151. I’m currently 21, I lost my dad on may 6th, 2 days before his dad (my grandfather) his birthday. My father was born with a faulty heart valve but always said he was going to surpass his fathers age when he died (49).
    But, my father also passed away at the age of 49. Coincidence? or not..? All I know is that i’ll miss him forever.

  152. I havent lost my parents yet(i am really grateful for that)however i am 13 and i have a deadly fear of them dying i just dont want to bbe hurt. I pray everyday that i die before them.

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5 Things No One Tells You About the Loss of a Spouse 0

In our Your Stories series, people who have lost a loved one share their unique perspective through essays, poetry and artwork.

 

My husband Brad and I used to joke about who would die first. It was a strange thing to joke about when we were in our 20s and had our entire lives ahead of us, but that’s how far from reality death was. It was laughable. Something that happened to other people. Something that, when it did inevitably happen, would happen much later in life. 

We finally compromised and decided that if we couldn’t simultaneously die in our sleep when we were in our 90s as planned, then I could go first. We both knew Brad was much better equipped to handle the aftermath of losing me.

But I didn’t die first. Brad beat me to it. After an unexpected and grueling 100-day battle with kidney cancer, I became a 33-year-old widow.

No one can prepare you for becoming a widow or widower. It is one of the most difficult losses you can endure. However, here are five things I wish I had been better prepared for:

1. The paperwork

 I never realized that with death came a mountain of paperwork. Paperwork that in some cases would linger for years. Medical bills, creditor notices, estate documentation – I was completely naive to the logistics of death that go beyond the memorial service.

At a time when all I wanted to do was grieve my loss, I had to go to court to validate Brad’s will. I had to cancel credit cards and bank accounts. I had to transfer real estate and phone bills and Netflix accounts into my name. I had to argue with the IRS over student loan bills. The contents of my mailbox shifted from travel magazines to daily reminders of my loss. It’s been over two years and I am still dealing with the paperwork and logistics surrounding Brad’s death.

2. The shift in your relationships

This will happen both immediately and slowly, over time. In my experience, people are uncomfortable with grief. They don’t know what to say or how to handle it. Most are unable to sit with you in the pain. It brings up their own grief and they are unable to handle both their grief and yours. So, they avoid the pain and discomfort, and ultimately, you.

You are living most people’s nightmare. You are a reminder that this could happen to them too. That reminder is difficult to handle. Usually, it’s not intentional – often people aren’t even aware they are feeling this way. But it’s real. Especially if you are the first in their life to go through such a loss. Oftentimes, friends and family you expected to show up end up avoiding you in order to continue living in the comfort of blissful ignorance.

But it’s not always the fault of others. When Brad died, I couldn’t handle living in the same home, in the same city, with the same friends, without him. It felt like my world had stopped and everything around me continued as usual. Every person and social situation was another reminder that Brad was dead. So, I ran away. I spent months driving around the country, avoiding the life left behind. And when I came back, people understandably had moved on.

Losing your partner will test not just you, but all the relationships in your life. Your social circle will shrink. And the ones who stick around – who continue to support well after the memorial service – will be share a bond with you for life.

3. The secondary losses

Losing your partner doesn’t mean just losing your spouse. With it comes the loss of the future you planned together. The loss of intimacy. The loss of income. The loss of security. The loss of health. The loss of your social circle. The loss of your breakfast companion. The loss of the recipient of your jokes. The loss of your jar opener. The loss of your dance partner. The loss of your road trip companion. The loss of your best friend.

There isn’t a single part of your life that is untouched by the loss of your spouse.

4. The grief ambush 

Grief is not linear. It doesn’t happen in a neat forward motion. It’s messy and unexpected. You will be triggered without notice, at the most inconvenient times. When you look in your fridge and realize the A1 sauce – and all the other condiments that only he used – will sit there, untouched forever. When a certain song comes on in the grocery store and you break down in the middle of the cereal aisle. When the dentist asks how your husband is doing and tears start streaming down your face with his hands still inside your mouth.

You will think you are doing better, and you will be ambushed again. Eventually the triggers become less frequent and less hysterical. Eventually you will learn to manage them better. But there is no timeline or finish line to cross where the ambushes stop.

5. You will learn to balance joy and grief

It’s hard to see that in the beginning, when the loss feels so dark and heavy. And the initial joy will probably be accompanied by guilt – guilt for laughing or being happy when your person is no longer able to laugh or be happy.

But the joy will come. And that doesn’t mean the grief has disappeared: it just means you’ve learned to balance both. You’ve learned to expand and feel more than you thought possible before. You’ve learned how fragile life is and that creates a sense of urgency to live.

Carrying grief gives you a perspective on life that others who have yet to experience such a loss won’t fully understand. Grief is hard and it constantly tests you, but you will find your strength – and joy –  again.



Dana Frost is a writer and the founder of the Forced Joy Project (http://www.forcedjoyproject.com). She is a big believer in sharing our stories of both grief and joy and an even bigger believer of kitchen dance parties. You can find her on Instagram @ForcedJoyProject.

 

Rachel’s Story: “Your Heart Doesn’t Close Up When Your Person Dies” 3

Rachel Brougham with her husband Colin and son Thom

In our Your Stories series, people who have lost a loved one share their unique perspective through essays, poetry and artwork. One year ago, Rachel Brougham’s husband Colin died in a cycling accident at just 39. Here, she talks about life, love — and dating  — as a young widow.


As I walk down the sidewalk, the sound repeats itself behind me. There’s a stomp, a crunch and then laughter. Sometimes I hear, “Ooh, that was a good one,” or “That’s a big one right there!” Then it starts all over again.

It’s March in Minneapolis, Minnesota — the time of year when all that snow melts during the day then refreezes at night, creating chunks of ice and giant puddles on city sidewalks and streets.

The stomp is my 10-year-old son Thom, and my boyfriend Matt, slamming their feet on chunks of ice. When it crunches and breaks apart, they laugh. I’m walking ahead of them and smiling — not just because the two of them sound like a couple little kids having fun — but because it’s the same thing Thom and my husband Colin would be doing if Colin were still alive. I’m smiling because despite what has happened to Thom and I over the last year, we can still feel happiness. I’m smiling because I know everything is going to be OK, even though there are moments it feels like the grief is overwhelming.

I’m the luckiest unlucky person.

In April 2018, just hours after Colin was killed in a cycling accident on his way home from work, Thom asked me if I was going to get married again. Colin had been dead less than two hours, and out of all the things Thom could ask, he wanted to know when I was going to shack up with some other dude.

I mean, what the heck?

In retrospect, Thom was just grasping for something to make life seem a bit normal in what was now uncertain. Of course any new guy wasn’t going to be a replacement for Colin, but it would offer some sense of normalcy. So, Thom and I started talking about me dating again very early on after our loss. I made it clear to him that I wasn’t going to bring any guy into our lives that didn’t deserve to be there. I knew I was going to be very protective and nobody was going to meet my son unless I knew it was super-duper serious.

A month after Colin died, I felt restless. I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, but I did want to go out and have a meal and conversation with a male who wasn’t my son or one of our friends. So I did what every other normal widowed person would do — I consulted Google. When is it too early to date after losing a partner, I typed in the search bar.

“Widowland and dating is great because if you start dating too soon, people will certainly tell you about it.”

Widowland and dating is great because if you start dating too soon, people will certainly tell you about it. It’s also great because if you don’t start dating within a certain timeframe, people will certainly tell you about it. There’s no winning when it comes to dating in Widowland, because people who have no clue what they are talking about like to put you on this magical timeline for grief.

There is no magical timeline.

I went out on a date a month after Colin died. I was still dead inside, but I enjoyed the conversation. He walked me to my car and tried to kiss me and I turned my face and his wet mouth ended up on my cheek.

I had been out of the dating scene for nearly 17 years and this is what dating is like these days? Gross!

Over the next couple months, I went on a handful of dates with other guys I met through mutual friends or found on a dating app. Dating as a widowed, 40-year-old mom felt like too much work. It was hard to coordinate schedules, find a babysitter, pay for a babysitter. It didn’t help that my responses to these guys were basically, Nope, No way, Next, and Nice, but no thank you.

I did go out a couple of times with a father of three who was going through a nasty divorce. We bonded over music, have the same sense of dark, sarcastic humor and enjoyed telling each other stories about our kids. While I knew he wasn’t the one for me in the long term, the month we were together was exactly what I needed to show me things were going to be OK and that I could feel happiness with someone else.

And that’s when something clicked — I stopped comparing everyone to Colin.

Matt and I began dating four months after Colin died, but the truth is that we’ve known each other for years. We worked together, ate lunches together, traded text messages late at night when we just needed to talk to someone. I got him and he got me. It feels like we’ve been together for years.

One night, several years ago, Colin and I were talking about who we would date if one of us died. Colin would date 90s rocker Liz Phair. I said I’d date John Cusack or Paul Rudd (line Colin, Matt, John and Paul up and you’ll see I clearly have a type). Colin looked at me, and without hesitation said, “What about Matt?”

I’m not saying Matt and I were supposed to end up together, but I’m not not saying that. Life is just really weird sometimes. Nobody knows how the universe works.

“Your heart doesn’t close up when your person dies, it just makes room for someone else. Your love for your dead person isn’t diminished by loving someone else.”

Matt knows he’s not a replacement. Matt knows it’s not a competition. Matt knows he isn’t a consolation prize and he isn’t jealous of the love I still feel for Colin. After all, Colin is dead and Matt is living. I could choose to be with anyone, or no one, and I choose to spend this second chapter with Matt.

A couple months into us dating, Matt said one night, “You know, I love you. I love Thom. And I love Colin.” That’s when I knew Matt was the one — the one I told Thom I would make sure deserved to be in our lives.

Your heart doesn’t close up when your person dies, it just makes room for someone else. Your love for your dead person isn’t diminished by loving someone else. There is no limit on how much love we can have. You can love two people at once. Heck, I have a button on my jacket that says, “I love Colin” and I don’t give a frick if it makes people uncomfortable.

Loving someone else should be a testament to your dead person. It should say that you loved your dead person so much, you want to experience that again. Whether that’s one month out or 10 years out.

Love is not a finite resource. And while I’m extremely unlucky, I’m lucky to get another chance.

Rachel Brougham is a writer and editor who lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota. She enjoys awkward conversations, crying during long walks and tacos. You can find her on Instagram @rachbrougham and Twitter @RachelBrougham.